Tears in Her Popcorn
by Iheartkarmy
Summary: Reagan tries to break up with Amy, so Karmy can be together. But when Reagan's plan blows up, it leaves a mess that eventually leads to a new relationship for Karma and questions for Amy. (first chapter sucks, but the rest is better, I promise)
1. Chapter 1

It took Reagan a lot longer to realize how wrong she was for Amy than it should have. She should have known it right from the start. It was obvious to everyone, especially Karma, but Reagan just refused to see it.

She tried to convince herself that it was because she loved Amy so much. But really, was what they had truly love? Reagan knew what real love was. She saw it every single time Amy looked at Karma. And every time she saw it, it just broke her heart a little more.

The problem was, no matter how much Amy loved Karma, the redheaded girl just wouldn't admit she felt the same way, even if it was soooo freaking obvious to everyone else. No one paid _that_ much attention to someone they weren't in love with, best friends or not. Reagan hadn't even been around for the threesome kiss or the way Karma spied on Amy and the Brazilian girl, but she'd been there for the group hang. It had been clear to her that night that there was more than friendship between Amy and Karma. But she wanted Amy so badly that she ignored it. She pretended it wasn't there and accepted Amy's offer to be her girlfriend.

And every day since that night, Reagan's regretted it a little more. She's known more every day that Amy will never be hers, not like she's Karma's. There could be a thousand Reagans and a thousand Liams and none of them would ever measure up to Karmy. It just couldn't be done. Reagan knew it a little more every day and it kept weighing on her and weighing on her and breaking her down, a little bit at a time.

She finally just couldn't take it anymore. It was too much. Her heart couldn't stand the pain and Reagan knew what she had to do. There was only one choice.

She had to break up with Amy.

But it couldn't just be any break up. Amy would never believe Reagan if she just suddenly said she wanted to break up. Everyone knew how much Reagan loved Amy, even Karma couldn't deny that. No, if Reagan wanted to end things with Amy and have her believe it, she'd have to go all out. She'd have to do more than just break up with her. She would have to get Karma to admit her feelings to. The only way Amy would accept a break up was if she could get what she really wanted.

And Reagan had just the way to do it.

Reagan knew Amy would stand for just about anything. She didn't mind that Reagan was older, she didn't mind that Reagan had never gone to college, she didn't even mind not knowing Reagan's last name for the first three months they were dating. There was only one thing that she knew Amy would never be OK with. She would have to cheat.

There was a girl that worked at one of the clubs Reagan spun at. She was cute, in a butch sort of way, and Reagan knew she was totally into her. It wouldn't take much effort for the DJ to get the club girl to hook up with her. That was going to be the easy part. What would be hard would be getting Karma to live up to her end of the bargain.

After she thought about it for a while, Reagan realized the only thing she could do was actually go to Karma and tell her what she was planning. If she didn't, then she was risking letting Amy think she wa cheating on her and Karmy still wouldn't get together. It was really the only way. Reagan just hoped she could be convincing enough to make Karma see.

Reagan waited for just the right time. She was supposed to be meeting Amy for lunch, so she knew her girlfriend would be busy somewhere else. That's when she went to Karma's house.

"Reagan?" Karma asked, surprised to see the older girl there. "What are you doing here? I thought you were having lunch with Amy?"

Reagan stood on the Ashcroft's front step, tears welling in her eyes. This was the hardest thing she'd ever done, but she knew it was for the best.

"Karma, I need to talk to you," she said. "I need to talk to you about your feelings for Amy."

"My feelings?" Karma seemed confused, but also nervous. Most people wouldn't have picked up on it, but Reagan was well practiced in the art of spotting Karmy love. "Amy's my best friend. That's it."

Reagan shook her head. "That's not it and you know it, Karma," she said. "You're in love with Amy and you always have been. You're just too afraid."

Karma seemed a little pissed at the idea that she was _afraid_. "Afraid of what?" she asked.

"Afraid of your feelings," Reagan replied. "You're afraid of being different. That's why you keep going after Liam even when he's clearly just a fuckboy."

Karma frowned at Reagan's description of her on-again, off-again boyfriend. But she didn't say anything to defend him.

"You've got this idea, Karma," Reagan said. "You're supposed to love the perfect boy and have the perfect relationship and the perfect marriage and perfect kids."

Karma couldn't disagree with any of that.

Reagan kept right on going. "But it isn't perfect Karma, and you know it. Because Liam isn't perfect, not for you. There's only one perfect person for you and that's Amy."

It was one thing for Karma to think all those things, and she _had_ thought them for so very long. But it was another thing completely for her to hear them from someone else, especially when that someone else was _Amy's girlfriend!_

It took everything Karma had to not break down right there on her parent's front steps. Hearing the truth like that was freeing, it took such a huge weight off her soul. But it couldn't be.

"Even if that was true," Karma said. "It wouldn't matter. Amy's with you. She'll never break your heart, not even to be with me. That's just not the kind of person she is. And that's why… I love her."

Karma and Reagan both grew silent. The weight of Karma's admission, of her finally saying the words was almost more than either of them could bear.

"I know," Reagan said. "And that's why I have a plan. Amy and I are supposed to go out tomorrow night. But I'll cancel on her at the last minute. That will be your cue."

"My cue?" Karma asked. She wasn't able to hide the hope in her voice. She couldn't believe it was true. She couldn't believe that maybe, just maybe, by this time tomorrow Amy could be hers.

Reagan nodded. "You call Amy. Ask her to go to a movie. I'll tell you which one. I'll be there, with another girl. When you and Amy catch me cheating that will give you the chance to be Ms. Charming and swoop in to defend Amy. You can 'accidentally' blurt out your feelings and she'll be so moved, she'll probably leap into your arms right there."

Karma wanted to smile so badly it hurt. This was perfect. She couldn't have thought of a better plan herself. But one thing still bothered her. "But why?" she asked. "Why are you doing this? I know how much you love Amy."

"That's why I'm doing this," Reagan said. "I want Amy to be happy. And she'll never be as happy with me as she is with you. It's taken me a long time, Karma, but I've finally realized that I'm just a stepping stone for Amy. I'm a temporary fix for what she really needs."

It was all too much and Karma ran down the steps and hugged Reagan tightly. The two of them had never been the best of friends, but she was so touched by what Reagan was doing for her. Karma only hoped that someday Reagan would find someone to love like she loved Amy.

The next day came quickly enough and everything was set. Reagan cancelled plans with Amy just like she said she would and Karma made the save. She and Amy arrived at the movie theater right on time. Karma led her best friend into the theater and her heart was racing. She quickly spotted Reagan in one of the first few rows, making out heavily with a tattooed brunette.

"Um.. I think we're in the wrong theater," Karma said as she tried to turn Amy around, just like she and Reagan had rehearsed. It would seem more natural, they thought, if Karma tried to keep Amy from seeing anything first.

"Knock it off, Karms," Amy said. "This is definitely the right theater. I don't know what's gotten into you..."

Karma could tell from the way Amy's voice slowly dropped off that she'd spotted Reagan and the other girl. She could see the pain on Amy's face and it almost broke her heart. Karma thought about backing out, but she was too far gone now.

Amy stalked down the aisle until she was right next to Reagan and the tattooed girl. And then she dumped her soda, the BIG one, all over the girl's head.

Reagan jumped up, pretending to be shocked. "Shrimp Girl, I… um… this isn't what it looks like."

That was supposed to be Karma's cue, the moment when she jumped in and told Reagan that of course it was what it looked like and how could she do this and if she couldn't love Amy the way she deserved to be loved then she should let someone else who does love her be with her.

That was the plan, at least. But it seemed that Amy had other ideas. She dropped her popcorn and took Reagan's face in her hand, planting a long and deep open mouth kiss on her supposedly cheating girlfriend!

When Amy finally broke the kiss, Reagan stumbled back and almost knocked the tattooed girl over. "What was that?" she asked in a daze.

"That was me telling you I love you," Amy said. "You. Not _anyone_ else." Amy didn't say her name, but she clearly meant Karma. "I know what you're trying to do Reagan," she said. "I know you think there's someone better for me and that I love someone else more than you."

Reagan started to speak, obviously trying to deny it, but Amy put a finger to her lips.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I'm so sorry that I've been confused and unsure. And I admit, I've felt a bit smothered and rushed in our relationship."

Karma had a moment of hope when she heard that.

"But when I realized I might lose you," Amy said. "When I saw you kissing that little bitch, I just couldn't take it. It was all so clear to me. It's you, Reagan. It's always been you and it always will be. And no matter what I have to do, I'll prove it to you."

And with that, she kissed Reagan again, even harder than the first time. Amy took her girlfriend by the hand and led her out of the theater, her promises to prove her love echoing even after the doors shut behind them.

Karma slumped down into a seat. Her heart was broken and she didn't know what to do. She couldn't be mad at Amy. All she had done was choose the girl she loved. And she couldn't be mad at Reagan. She had tried to put her and Amy together.

In the end, Karma realized the only person she had to be mad at was herself. She had waited too long and she had trusted that all those little hints and signs would, eventually, add up to a Karmy ending. But they hadn't. And all Karma was left with was the taste of her own salty tears in her popcorn.


	2. Chapter 2

**I decided to keep it going. I hope you like it.**

No matter what she did, Karma couldn't stop crying.

She cried on the bus on the way to school and again on the way home. Amy had been getting rides to and from campus with Reagan, so there was no one to see Karma's tears. And that only made her cry harder.

She cried at night when she was alone, which was like every night, because Amy was always out with Reagan. Amy said she had to do it, that she had to spend so much time with her girlfriend.

Karma was really starting to hate that word. Girlfriend. _Girlfriend_.

"I have to make sure Reagan knows she's my top priority," Amy said after she cancelled plans with Karma _again_. "She doubted me once, I can't let it happen again."

Karma wanted to point out that Reagan hadn't been the only one to doubt Amy. Or that Reagan's doubts had gone so far and so deep that she'd even planned an elaborate break-up ruse just to put Karmy together. But as much as she wanted to tell Amy all that, Karma knew she couldn't. It wouldn't be right or fair and if Amy was ever going to be hers, Karma was determined she'd win her over fair and square.

That was more than she thought Reagan had done for her. The few times they'd hung out together since Reagan and Amy left her crying in the movie theater, Karma had done everything she could to get Reagan alone. She wanted to ask her how she could do this, how she could go from trying to put the two soulmates together to basically stealing Amy from her. But Reagan made sure they were never alone and if they were, she ignored Karma completely.

It was a sure sign of her guilty conscience, Karma thought.

Karma cried on the bus and she cried when she was alone but her breaking point came when she cried on a date with Liam. He'd been trying so hard to win her back and even though Karma knew he wasn't what she wanted or _who_ she wanted, he was better than nothing. And he was sweet. He brought her flowers and talked to her parents and did everything the perfect boyfriend would do. Liam was just that. Perfect.

Except he wasn't Amy. And Amy was all Karma wanted. And Liam knew it too, especially when Karma suddenly burst into tears on their date.

"You're always going to love her, aren't you?" he asked. Liam didn't sound mad or like he was upset at basically being used. He just sounded like a guy who knew he'd never measure up.

"i'm sorry," Karma said. And she really was. She didn't want to hurt Liam. She'd never wanted that, not even when she'd lied to him for all that time. "I can try," she said. "I can try and be a better girlfriend." And there was that word again and Karma broke down into more tears, burying her face into Liam's chest, his strong arms wrapped around her.

Liam held her tight for what seemed like forever. He wished he could be what she needed because deep down, he really did love Karma. She was the first person besides Shane who Liam had ever really let in. It hadn't worked out like he'd hoped, and he knew he'd been an asshole for only liking her because she was a lesbian, but he still wouldn't have traded the time he'd spent with Karma for the chance to sleep with all the lesbians in Austin.

"I'll help you," he said. "I'll help you get Amy because I want you to be happy. And you two belong together."

Karma didn't know what to say. She was happy, so very very happy, but she remembered the last person who had said they'd help her. Reagan had promised and now she was off somewhere having hot and sexy makeouts, way sexier than Karma ever thought she could be, with Amy.

Liam's plan was simple. He'd have a party. Or, rather, Shane would have a party. "It'll be like the first one you and Amy came to," he said. "The one where Shane decided you should be homecoming queens." He figured it would be a trip down memory lane and there would be plenty of ways for he and Shane to keep Reagan and Amy apart long enough for Karma to get some time with her bestie.

The night of the party arrived quickly and Karma made sure she dressed as sexy as she could. She was competing with Reagan after all and, like her or not, Karma didn't know many sexier girls than the DJ. Sometimes, she thought that was all Reagan had going for her. She was hot, she could kiss (Karma had seen that in action), and she was sure the older girl had already taken advantage of Amy and pushed her into sex. Lesbians, Karma remembered Shane saying, were very aggressive.

As the night wore on and every attempt Shane and Liam made to separate Reagan and Amy failed, Karma was getting more and more desperate and more and more drunk. And when even Liam seemed to give up and started paying attention to some girl from Squirkle, Karma really fell.

She lost count of how many shots she took or even how many she let the nameless guys she met take off of her. She knew that wasn't the kind of behavior that would get Amy back, but she thought it might get her attention, at least. But it didn't even seem to do that.

Reagan and her really, _really_ short skirt and almost not even there top had Amy's undivided attention.

The longer the part went on, the more Karma tried to convince herself she didn't care anymore. It was too much for her to handle. She couldn't compete with Reagan and she knew it. She'd been kidding herself to think that all those years of _friendship_ and cuddling and sleepovers and a few weeks of pretending to be lesbians was enough to compete with DJ Hot Stuff.

Karma had one last drink and staggered into the hallway. She didn't feel good, not good at all. She found an empty bedroom and laid down on the bed, hoping that maybe that would make the room stop spinning. She was almost out when someone slid onto the bed next to her.

"Amy?" she asked. Karma was hoping that maybe her best friend had finally come to check on her.

"No," said a voice she knew, but couldn't place. "It's me, Karma."

Lauren.

Karma tried to sit up. She didn't want Lauren to see her like this, it would just give her ammo to use against her. But as soon as she sat up, the room spun even more and Karma dropped back to the bed, her eyes squeezed shut.

"Take it easy," Lauren said. Karma was surprised by how soft her voice was and how little of Lauren's usual meanness there was. "I saw you out there, you drank _a lot_."

Karma didn't flinch when she felt Lauren's hand on her arm or when it slid up and brushed some of her hair out of her face. It didn't feel as weird as Karma would have expected. It actually felt kinda nice.

"I know how badly you're hurting," Lauren said. "I've been there. Before we moved here, I was in love with my best friend too. He was a guy, of course, but it's still sort of the same thing."

Karma smiled, or thought she did (she was _really_ drunk) and nodded. This new nice Lauren was a little confusing, but Karma liked her a little. But she'd never admit it.

"Amy's stupid," Lauren said and even though Karma would usually argue with anyone who said that, she really couldn't disagree right then. "She's so caught up in the hottie, she doesn't see what's right in front of her."

If Karma had been a little more sober, she might have wondered if Lauren was really talking about Amy or her own best friend. But, either way, she totally thought Lauren was right.

Lauren's hand rested against Karma's cheek and the redheaded girl turned into it. Lauren wasn't Amy or even Liam, but she was paying attention to her and that was what Karma really needed.

"Karma?" Lauren asked and her voice sounded very tiny (and a little bit drunk) and Karma managed to open one eye and look at the other girl. "Can I kiss you?"

Those were the last words Karma had ever expected to hear. But she couldn't help it. She nodded. And then Lauren did it, she kissed her! It was a little awkward and kinda tentative but Karma thought most first kisses were like that. And, as first kisses went, Karma thought it was pretty good.

So pretty good that when Lauren broke the kiss and pulled away, Karma, even as drunk as she was, caught her and pulled her back in. The second kiss was less awkward and there was much more behind it. Karma even thought she heard Lauren moan a little, but that might have been her. It was a nice kiss, a very nice kiss.

And so was the third and the fourth and all the kisses that followed. They were so nice, in fact, that neither girl ever noticed Amy who had come looking, watching from the door, or saw the sad tears running down her face.


	3. Chapter 3

Lauren wasn't gay. She was sure of that. And she was pretty sure she wasn't bi, either. She'd never thought about girls like that. OK, maybe she hadn't thought about girls like that very much, but everyone has a fantasy or two, right? She was sure that was all those had been.

That didn't explain kissing Karma. Not at all. That didn't explain kissing Karma or wanting to kiss Karma and it definitely didn't explain _enjoying_ kissing Karma. There was nothing Lauren could think of that would explain that. Not one single thing.

Lauren hated Karma. Really. She _hated_ her. Lauren hated the way Karma acted. She thought Karma was the biggest phony ever. Lauren hated the way Karma seemed obsessed with Liam Booker. She couldn't understand it. So what if Liam was hot or had those perfect abs or was popular?

Theo was hot. Theo had great abs. Theo was popular.

But Theo was a lying douche and Lauren was very happy to be rid of him. He hadn't even been a good kisser, not like…

No. She wasn't going _there_.

Lauren hated Karma's phoniness and hated her obsession with Booker. Most of all, Lauren hated the way Karma treated Amy, even if she would never, ever admit it. Lauren's secret might have been out and everyone in the school knew Theo had lied to her and used her. But she still had a little pride left and so she was never going to tell anyone that she actually _cared_ about her step-sister.

In a way, Lauren blamed that on Karma. It was hard to stay mad at someone, or to even dislike them, when you had a front row seat to watching them get hurt day after day. Lauren hadn't cared. But then she heard Amy crying. And then she saw Amy crying. And then came the night of the wedding and Lauren heard every stupid word that came out of Karma Ashcroft's stupid mouth.

Stupid mouth. Very, very stupid.

But so soft…

NO! Not going _there_!

Lauren had been very happy when Amy found Reagan. Finally, her step-sister had someone who treated her right. Everyone could see that Reagan loved Amy and, even better, she wasn't afraid to show it. And if there was one thing Lauren hated about Karma most of all, it was that she could never get over her own insecurities long enough to give Amy what she deserved.

More than once, Lauren had imagined entire conversations with Karma as she stared into her bedroom mirror. Every one of them ended the same. "Girl the hell up, Ashcroft. Can't you see what you're letting slip away?"

 _That_ was what Lauren had planned to say to Karma the night of the party. She'd noticed the way Karma kept trying to get Amy's attention. It was kind of pathetic, really, and Lauren was sure if Amy had been paying any attention, it probably would have worked. Amy was a sucker for that sort of thing. Lauren knew her step-sister would always come running when Karma played the poor, wounded, hurt little girl card.

Lauren hated that card. It was embarrassing. It gave girls everywhere a bad name. She hated watching Karma try to do that. The entire night, as Karma made try after try at getting Amy's attention, Lauren hated her. As Karma started drinking more and more, Lauren hated her. When Karma let those dirty boys, all of them little man-whores like Booker, do shots off her, Lauren hated her.

That was what she went into that bedroom to tell her. "I hate you Karma Ashcroft." and her whole 'girl up' speech. Lauren was going to give Karma a piece of her mind and then she was going to find herself one of those man-whores because Lauren Cooper was not gay. Or bi.

But then the words came out of her mouth and they weren't the ones she had planned.

"Can I kiss you?"

Lauren wasn't gay. She wasn't bi. And she most definitely was not in love or like or _anything_ with Karma. And when she finally realized what she was doing and ran out of the bedroom like someone was chasing her, she swore to herself that she would never, ever think of it again. And she would absolutely never _do_ it again.

And she didn't.

Until sometimes between fourth and fifth period on Monday morning, when she pulled a confused Karma into the janitor's closet and shoved her up against the door.

"Lauren?" Karma was confused. She only barely remembered the night of the party and so it was a little weird to find herself in this situation. She had never imagined herself being pressed against the janitor's closet door by a surprisingly strong Lauren Cooper.

"Don't talk," Lauren said. She meant it, too. She couldn't hear Karma or she would think. And if she thought, even for a second, Lauren knew she'd lose her nerve. That would mean running from the closet and probably leaving the school and maybe even begging her daddy to move away from Austin. "Just don't talk," she repeated as she leaned in and pressed her lips against Karma's.

The redhaired girl _couldn't_ talk, not with Lauren's mouth on hers. She couldn't talk and she couldn't think and she couldn't make heads or tails of all this. Lauren Cooper was kissing her.

 _Kissing her!_

It should have felt weird. Karma was sure it should have felt weird to have Lauren's lips moving against her own. It should have also felt weird to have the little blonde's hands cupping her cheeks and then moving as Lauren wrapped her arms around Karma's neck. And it should have felt _really_ weird when Lauren's tongue slipped between her lips!

But it didn't feel weird. It felt good. Really, really good. So good that Karma _didn't_ think and just wrapped her own arms around Lauren's waist and pulled her closer. And when Lauren moaned a little into her mouth, Karma didn't think that was weird at all.

None of it felt weird to Karma until her cell phone buzzed in her pocket. She didn't want to answer it, especially if that meant that she would have to stop kissing Lauren (because Karma was definitely kissing back). But then it buzzed again. And again. And again. And finally Lauren was the one who broke the kiss.

"You should… um… you should get that," she said. "Yes… get that."

And then Lauren smoothed her blouse down and ran her fingers through her hair and headed for the door. Karma tried to stop her but Lauren wasn't just surprisingly strong, she was also surprisingly quick. She was out the door and Karma was left standing there alone in the closet with a pair of very tingly lips and a surprising ache somewhere lower. Her phone buzzed again and Karma pulled it out.

"Hello?"

"Where are you?" came Amy's whispered voice over the line. "Class started ten minutes ago!"

Ten minutes? Karma couldn't believe there was any way she and Lauren had been in the closet that long. If kissing Lauren for ten minutes had felt like that…

What would it be like if they didn't stop?

Karma pushed the thought away. "I was… um… not feeling well," she lied. "I was in the nurse's office. I'll be right there." She and Amy had math together this period, on the other side of the building. Karma collected herself and tried to think about anything other than Lauren's lips or her hands or her tongue.

 _Her tongue!_

She left the closet and headed straight down the hall. Karma knew she'd have to stop at the nurse's office and get a pass or she'd be serving detention that afternoon. And then she started wondering if Lauren had been late for class and if maybe she'd be serving detention and that made her think about all the things she was trying to avoid, again.

Karma was so lost in thought that she never saw Amy behind her, peering around the corner at the janitor's closet door, a look of total betrayal on her face.


	4. Chapter 4

Usually, Shane lived for drama. But this was just too much.

Things had been tense for days, ever since the party. It wasn't like their little group was always drama free and nothing but fun, but things had reached a level of angst that was weird even for them.

"It's been like this all week," he said to Liam. They were standing on line in the cafeteria and Shane was watching the weird 'who's going to sit where' dance Karma, Amy, and Lauren were doing by their usual table. All three of them kept circling the table like they were playing musical chairs but the music never stopped. "Ever since the party, it's just been tension, tension, tension."

Liam shrugged but paid more attention to choosing a slice of pie than to the three girls. "You sure you're not just seeing things?" he asked. Shane was his best friend, but Liam knew he had a hard time (a _very_ hard time) not finding drama in _everything_. "You know Karma's still hung up on Amy and Amy probably knows Karma is still hung up on Amy and Lauren is...well… Lauren."

Shane knew Liam was right, it all made perfect sense. But he wasn't buying it. "This is all because of the party," he said. "Everything's gotten weird since then."

Liam glanced up from his pie and watched the girls for a minute. They'd finally settled at the table with Karma on one side, and Amy and Lauren on the other, at opposite ends of the bench, forming a little triangle. "It probably just made things harder for Karma," he said. "And Amy feels guilty. And we both know she doesn't do guilt well."

"This all your fault," Shane said as they headed toward the table. "If you hadn't talked me into throwing that party in the first place…" He trailed off as they reached the table and he frowned as Liam took the spot between the two blonde step-sisters. Ever since he'd met that Squirkle girl at the party, Liam had been trying to keep extra distance from Karma. Apparently, that meant at lunch too.

"Hey," Karma said as Shane sat down. She seemed genuinely glad to see him which only made things weirder. Shane chalked it up to having someone else there ( _anyone_ else) to help ease the tension. He couldn't help noticing that Karma went right back to studying her phone, tapping out a text now and again. It was the same thing Amy and Lauren were doing.

No one was talking. And Liam was so busy digging into his pie he didn't even seem to notice.

This was just wrong. All kinds of wrong. Things hadn't been this tense since right after the wedding when Amy and Liam were keeping their secret.

A secret!

That _had_ to be it. Someone, or more than one someone, was keeping a secret. Judging from the tension at the table even before he and Liam got there, it had to be one of the three girls. And it had to be a BIG one.

Shane had sworn up and down that he was done outing people and telling other people's secrets. But this, he quickly decided, was different. This was _very_ different. This was a mess and, no matter what Liam thought, Shane didn't like messes (unless he was the one responsible for them). And it wasn't just messy. It was also uncomfortable and worrisome and seemed like it might be the beginning of the end for the Karmy friendship.

Amy was barely speaking to anyone except Reagan and especially not Karma. That was weird enough. But what was even weirder was that Karma didn't even seem to notice! Shane remembered a time when either one of them could have told him exactly how many hours, minutes, and seconds it had been since they last spoke. But now, Amy spent most of the day staring down at her phone as she texted Reagan and Karma… well…

Karma was walking around Hester with the goofiest grin Shane had ever seen in his life. And while it wasn't unusual to see Karma smiling this was just borderline creepy. Even creepier was the way she kept disappearing at the weirdest times.

He'd tried talking to Liam about it, thinking that maybe they were having super sexy secret makeouts in the art room again. "She was fifteen minutes late to bio the other day and she didn't even try to make an excuse."

Liam shrugged (he did that _a lot_ lately and it was starting to piss Shane off). "Karma hates biology," he said. "She probably just didn't want to go."

"But then she was twenty minutes late to American History on Tuesday," Shane said. "And half an hour late to Study Hall, and ten minutes late to art."

"Maybe she needs a watch," Liam said as he laughed at his own joke and Shane just rolled his eyes.

He didn't even mention that yesterday, during English, Brandi had mentioned that KArma didn't show up for PE at all that morning. Two minutes later, Amy asked for the bathroom pass and didn't come back till five minutes before class ended.

"Where did you go?" Shane asked her. Amy just shook her head and stared straight ahead at the blackboard, but her eyes were red and puffy and Shane was sure she'd been crying.

That was the last straw for Shane and why he was so determined to figure out what was going on. Except for Liam, Amy was his best friend and he hated seeing her like this. Something had to be done but, for once, Shane was at a loss. Amy wouldn't talk to him and the only other person he might be able to ask was Karma. And since, clearly, this had _something_ to do with her and her goofy grin and random disappearances, just like when she and Liam...

Oh. My. God.

How had he not seen it? He'd _thought_ it, briefly, when he thought maybe Karma and Liam were getting it on in the art room. But Liam had blown that idea off and even if they were, that wouldn't bother Amy. She'd been fine with them being together before.

No. This wasn't Liam and Karma. This wasn't Kiam.

Karma was hooking up with someone else! Someone else in school!

Shane had to find out who and not just for Amy, but for Liam too. He could only guess that his best friend hadn't put it together yet (unlike Amy) but sooner or later, he would. And Squirkle girl or no Squirkle girl, Shane knew Liam would be heartbroken. Losing Karma to a Karmy love match would have been one thing. But this was something else altogether.

There was only one choice for Shane. He had to get to the bottom of this. He glanced around the table. Amy was still texting and refusing to even look in Karma's direction. Lauren was staring off into space and occasionally sending quick little texts (probably to Theo, Shane thought) and then poking at the food on her tray. And Karma wasn't even paying any attention to her food at all. She was all about her phone and that goofy grin kept getting goofier with every message she sent.

Shane had to figure this out and he had to do it now! And since Amy wasn't going to be any help and he knew Karma would _never_ talk to him he knew what he had to do. He had to talk to the other part of the little tension triangle at their table. It was his only choice.

He had to talk to the wicked step-sister.

Shane chased Lauren down right after lunch, as she was on her way to Music Appreciation. He tugged her by the arm, leading her to a deserted part of the hallway.

"What the hell, Shane?" Lauren tried to scoot around him. "I'm going to be late."

Shane blocked her path. "Since when do you care?" he asked. "You _hate_ Music Appreciation. Just last week you said Miss Lawrence was a tone deaf troll who shouldn't even be allowed to teach a children's chorus."

Lauren huffed. "That's so not the point," she said. "I don't want to be late." She glanced over his shoulder down the slowly emptying hall. "And whatever drama it is you're stirring up? I don't want any part of it."

"Believe me," he said. "If there was anyone else I could go to with this, I would. But you're it. And I need your help."

"Sorry," Lauren said. "Not interested. Gotta go." Shane grabbed her arm again as she tried to slip by and Lauren yanked herself free and started down the hall, moving way too quickly for him to grab her again (and why was she in such a hurry? It wasn't like the class was going to suddenly disappear if she didn't get there _right now_.)

He tried one last ditch move, yelling down the hall. "It's about Amy," he said, surprised when that caused the little blonde to suddenly stop.

"What about Amy?" Lauren asked, suddenly turning to face him and sounding almost panicked, which only surprised Shane more. "What's wrong with Amy? Is it Reagan? Are they breaking up?"

It was Shane's turn to take a small step back as Lauren kept moving closer and closer. He looked at her, like _really_ looked at her. He'd thought she'd be at least a little concerned since she and Amy had been getting along better lately. But this was a bit much.

"They're not breaking up," Shane said, though if Amy was this upset about Karma hooking up, a Reamy break-up might not be that far off. "Why would you be worried about that?"

"No reason," Lauren said quickly. Maybe a little _too_ quickly. "You just said something was wrong so I just thought… so… um… what _is_ wrong then?"

Shane kept staring at her and Lauren shifted uncomfortably. There wasn't anything _obviously_ different about her, not like she'd grown a second head or started dressing like a Goth or anything. But there was _something_. Something he couldn't quite put his finger on.

"What's with you?" he asked.

"There's nothing _with_ me, Harvey," Lauren replied. "You're the one dragging me off into dark corners and talking about something being wrong with Amy and not telling me what it is." She glanced at her watch and frowned. "And now I'm really late and I _have_ to go."

Lauren turned and stalked off down the hall and Shane watched her go, still trying to figure it out. She reached the end of the corridor and turned left, quickly disappearing from sight.

Shane shook his head and scuffed one shoe on the floor. Talking to Lauren had been a bust and now he was back at square one. He turned and headed down the hall toward his class, yet another one he shared with Amy who would spend the whole period not talking to him and ignoring the teacher and constantly playing with her phone.

He just wished he could have gotten something out of Lauren. Why'd she have to be in such a hurry anyway? Class had already started and she was already late without a pass. Five more minutes wouldn't have gotten her in any more trouble than she already was…

Shane stopped. Right smack dab in the middle of the hall. He glanced back down the long corridor, back the way Lauren had gone, something was just not… right…

Left.

She'd turned left. At the end of the hall.

Lauren had turned _left_.

The music rooms were down the hall, next to the art rooms. To the _right_.

There was nothing at the end of the hall if you turned left. Literally, there was nothing. Just an old abandoned bathroom that was in a constant state of being remodeled, an emergency exit, and a janitor's closet.

Why on Earth would Lauren go _left_?

What could she have possibly been in such a hurry to get to, especially down there.

Unless…

No. No way. No fucking way.

Shane pulled his phone from his pocket. Liam was in one of his several art classes right now, one he shared with Karma.

 _Shane: Is Karma in class with you right now?_

 _Liam: Nope. Late again. She must really need that watch. LOL._

It couldn't be. There was no way!

Lauren had been in such a rush, way more of a hurry than she should have been for class. And all that worry about Amy breaking up with Reagan? And she'd turned _left_.

Oh. My. God.

"Holy shit," Shane said out loud to the empty hall. "Karma's hooking up with _Lauren_."


	5. Chapter 5

**I tried to make it a little more developed this time. Hope you like it! Thanks for all the likes!**

Lauren was late and Karma was freaking. She'd been expecting this ever since the two of them had started this… this… whatever the hell _this_ was. Sooner or later, Lauren would get sick of her. Or it was all some sick joke, Lauren's twisted way of paying Karma back for her role in the croquembouche incident or for hurting Amy.

I knew it, she thought to herself as she paced back and forth in the tiny janitor's closet. I knew she'd leave me hanging. I knew she'd get bored. I knew this would never last.

Karma stopped pacing to wonder, just for a second, about _that_. Did she want it to last? Did Lauren? Did either of them even know what they were doing?

She'd never really stopped to think about it before, mostly because every time they were together all she was thinking about was kissing and touching Lauren (and there had been a steadily increasing amount of the touching, even if it hadn't gone under clothes or any really… _important_ … spots yet) and when they weren't together she was too busy figuring out when they could be together _again_ or responding to one of the surprisingly dirty texts Lauren sent her.

Maybe the amount of time Karma was spending with Lauren, thinking about Lauren, and planning how to be with Lauren should have clued her in. This had been all about fun and kissing and super sexy dirty secrets in the closet.

But if the way she was frantically worrying about why Lauren was five (now _six_ ) minutes late was any indication, things were starting to change.

And Karma had no idea what the hell to do about _that_.

* * *

Lauren was five minutes late and it was all that fucker Harvey's fault.

He'd just had to to talk to her. He'd just had to bring up Amy, like Lauren wasn't thinking about Amy and how she'd react to what Lauren and Karma were doing enough as it was. And he'd had to go and get all suspicious when she freaked out about Amy and Reagan maybe breaking up.

Lauren stopped dead in the hallway, just around the corner from the janitor's closet door. Why _had_ she freaked out about Amy and Reagan? So what if they broke up. Couples break up all the time. Lauren didn't believe in all that one true love, OTP crap. And even if Amy and Reagan did break up, it wasn't like Amy was going to head straight for Karma, pledge her undying love, and sweep the redhead off her feet.

And what did it matter if she did? Karma was single. Amy, if she broke up with Reagan, would be single. Two single girls could be together all they wanted.

 _Any_ two single girls.

Lauren took a small step toward the closet and froze again. She couldn't get her mind off the idea of Amy and Reagan breaking up and it had her all nervous and jittery. It's just because I want Amy to be happy, she told herself. Yes, _that_ was it. She wanted Amy to be happy and Reagan made her happy and it was totally about that and not about the possibility of Amy stealing Karma away.

Wait.

 _Stealing_ Karma?

Lauren stutter-stepped backward and leaned against the wall.

Amy couldn't steal Karma. That would mean that Karma was Lauren's and that was just ridiculous. First of all, Lauren couldn't stand Karma. Second of all, even if she _could_ stand Karma, it was only in small doses. And by small doses, Lauren was thinking in the closet, with her eyes closed (even if she'd been opening them a bit more lately because, well, Karma had been looking _extra_ hot), and with their lips together. Or on each other's necks. Or behind the ears. Or running along their jaws in that soft, delicate, barely there way Lauren liked so much more when Karma did it than when Theo…

Oh. Fuck.

Lauren stared at the closet door. She wanted to go in. She _really_ wanted to go in. Which is probably why she stayed rooted to that spot.

Lauren Cooper was crushing _hard_ on Karma Ashcroft.

And Lauren had no idea what the hell to do about _that_.

* * *

Karma had known right from the start that this would end badly.

The very first time it was _Lauren_ who kissed _her_. Well, technically, the first _two_ times (if you counted all the kisses the night of the party as one). At the party and then that Monday in the janitor's closet. It wasn't a problem that Lauren had been the one to kiss first. Karma actually kind of liked that. She'd always had to initiate kisses with Amy and Liam barely kissed. He was much more into hands and touching and kissing was only good as a brief ( _very_ brief) lead up to the other stuff.

Lauren, Karma had discovered, was _all about_ the kissing. Which was good, because Lauren was very, very good at the kissing!

But even though Lauren had kissed first, she'd also run first. Like the night of the party, when people had started clearing out. Karma could remember now. She remembered the way Lauren jumped up from the bed and took off out the door. And their first time in the closet, Lauren ran again. She'd used Karma's ringing cell phone as an excuse and got out of there as quick as she could.

Karma didn't know what had been going through Lauren's mind that Monday when she pulled her into the closet _or_ when she ran off. All Karma knew was that she couldn't stop thinking about it. She tried, she really did. She tried talking to Amy, but that was a no go. She tried thinking about finding Liam and dragging him off to the art room, but that just made her feel icky.

And when she'd gone to the bathroom during Study Hall and seen Tommy and Brandi making out in a dark corner by the cafeteria, Karma had given in and texted Lauren.

 _Karma: Janitor's closet. Empty wing. Twenty minutes._

The next twenty minutes had been the longest of Karma's life. Right up until the six, now _eight_ minutes she had spent waiting for Lauren in the closet. Karma was convinced it, whatever it was, was over already. Lauren had kissed her first but then she'd run.

And now Karma was scared Lauren was running again.

* * *

Lauren really wanted to see Karma. She really wanted to kiss Karma. She really wanted to open the closet door, step inside, and forget that she was _thinking_.

This was supposed to be a no-thinking-thing! When did this start? When, Lauren wondered, had she stopped just kissing and feeling and started _thinking_?

Honestly, Lauren knew she'd been thinking right from the start. Or, at least from Monday (she'd been just tipsy enough to not think at the party). She'd been thinking when she ran from the closet after Karma's phone rang (Lauren was _sure_ it was Amy) and she'd spent the next two periods torn between freaking out that she had kissed Karma at a time when Karma was _sober_ and an insane, and growing, desire to do it again.

All that thinking had almost kept it from ever happening again. When Karma texted her during Study Hall and asked her to meet at the Janitor's closet in the empty wing of the school, Lauren _had_ to think about it. And her brain came up with all sorts of reasons not to go.

The worst of it was the idea that Karma was just out to get her. Lauren knew Amy's best friend had never liked her, not from the moment she'd moved to Austin. She'd always assumed it was because Karma was afraid Lauren would try and steal Amy away. But what if now, Karma finally had an opportunity to pay Lauren back and maybe even get her out of Amy's life?

Lauren could just imagine it. Karma would be waiting by the janitor's closet with Vashti and a photographer for the school's tumblr. It would all be just one giant plan to humiliate her. Karma _is_ a planner, after all.

Lauren kept thinking about it and thinking about it and thinking about it. Then there was the other part, the part of her that hadn't been thinking, which was the part that had really, really, _really_ liked kissing Karma kept screaming at her to go. But when she left class to go to the bathroom to think and saw Tommy and Brandi (the same Brandi who had tried so hard to steal her _last_ man) kissing in the hall, Lauren's decision was made.

Ten minutes later, she'd click-clacked her way right down the hall in her heels, so angry and worked up that she almost hoped Karma _was_ setting her up. But Karma wasn't. And Lauren figured that out immediately after stepping through the closet door when Karma pushed her back against it and launched a full scale attack on her mouth. The redheaded girl had been a little overanxious and knocked Lauren's head against the door pretty hard, but the feeling of Karma's tongue sliding against her own helped Lauren quickly forget the pain.

Kissing Karma, Lauren had discovered, helped her forget a lot of things.

Which is why, thinking or no thinking, worries or no worries, fear or no fear, Lauren stood up straight, nodded once, and opened the closet door.

The "Oh thank, God" and subsequent kisses (very good kisses, _so_ very good) told Lauren she'd made the right choice. And pretty soon, she forgot why she'd been thinking at all.


	6. Chapter 6

"We should really stop this."

That's Karma's usual line. She's said it _every_ time. Whenever she and Lauren have somehow (like they don't know _exactly_ how) found themselves in the janitor's closet again, she's said it.

"We should really stop this."

Neither of them thinks about it for too long, usually they don't even pause what they're doing. Lauren's pretty sure Karma just says it so she can be saying _something_ (the girl loves to talk) and for… what's that phrase…?

Plausible deniability.

 _I tried to stop. Really I did._

Sure you did, Karma. Sure you did.

"Your protests," Lauren muttered in between kisses, "would be much more believable if your hands weren't on my ass."

The tiny blonde heard the sudden, and expected, gasp as Karma realized _exactly_ where her hands had wandered as she enjoyed ( _really_ enjoyed) what Lauren was doing to her. Apparently, the feel of Lauren's lips moving along her neck and sliding down to her collarbone, and her tongue darting out to taste the redhead's skin had something of a distracting effect.

Karma quickly yanked her hands back up, resting them on Lauren's hips. She had the urge to tug the blonde closer to her and to press their hips together and maybe grind a little…

No. Nope. Nuh-uh. Hips staying at safe distance at all times.

Lauren tipped her head back (and Karma managed not to whimper at the sudden loss of contact) and eyed Karma carefully. It was one of those moments. If Lauren pushed and Karma wasn't ready, she'd freak and run and probably find Amy and sob and sob and sob.

But if Karma was ready…

"I didn't say stop," Lauren said, deciding to push a little and hope for the best. She took Karma's hands and guided them back down, pressing them firmly against her ass until, yup, just as she'd hoped.

Karma grabbed a hold. All on her own.

"Neither did I," Karma said. And even though her voice wavered just a little as she said it, she still tilted her head back, giving Lauren more and easier access to her neck. Access that Lauren wasted little time taking advantage of.

Neither of them knew what the hell they were doing, just that whatever it was, it felt really, _really_ good. And, given their recent romantic histories, feeling a little good without having to analyze, think about, investigate, or contemplate sounded just about right. Karma didn't have to think about how Amy had broken her heart and how Reagan had literally just let it happen. And Lauren didn't have to think about the humiliation of everyone knowing how Theo had lied to her _and_ finding out she was Intersex.

Karma had tried to bring it up, once. The third or maybe fourth time they were in the closet. She had, as casually as possible, mentioned that if Lauren ever wanted to talk about anything (and 'anything' totally and obviously meant Theo and / or her secret) but Lauren had stopped her in mid sentence with what Karma could only describe as a brain-melting kiss.

She hadn't brought it up since.

And Lauren, for her part, had tried too, though somewhat less obviously. She had mentioned, again, that Amy clearly didn't know what the hell she was missing right in front of her eyes. Of course, Karma might have been more inclined to talk about that had Lauren not been nibbling on her bottom lip and running her fingers up and down the redhead's sides back between every word.

Lauren never brought that up again either.

But just because they weren't talking about it didn't mean both girls weren't _thinking_ about it. In fact, even though neither of them would have ever admitted it, half the reason they kept meeting up (and _more_ than half the reason Lauren kept sending those suggestive text messages) was so they could _stop_ thinking about it.

For those few minutes they were in the closet together, the rest of it disappeared. Karma stopped seeing Amy kissing Reagan and leading her out of the movie theater. Lauren stopped seeing Theo searching lockers. For ten, fifteen, sometimes twenty minutes at a time, both girls got to stop thinking and just feel.

And feeling was _good_.

But feeling, no matter how hard they tried, couldn't last forever.

* * *

Shane stood outside the janitor's closet, one ear pressed against the door. He couldn't hear anything (which he was sort of grateful for) but he knew _they_ were in there.

Karma and Lauren. Lauren and Karma.

Holy shit, this was _big_!

This was, Shane thought, the _biggest_. Yeah, sure, Amy and Liam doing the deed had been big. Monstrously big. But it had been big in a different way. Big pain. Big hurt. Big devastation for people he cared about (and Karma). It was the only secret Shane could ever remember actually keeping (and telling Amy he knew didn't count as not keeping it because she already knew, just not that he knew).

This, on the other hand, was big. Like gossip big. Like drama and shocked faces and Oh. My. God's big.

This was the sort of thing Shane lived for.

So why, he wondered, was he having such a hard time with it? Why wasn't he opening the door (they did know it didn't lock, right?), snapping a picture, and running to Vashti with the tumblr's new top story?

Intersex Presidential Candidate and Former Fake Lesbian Caught in the Act!

He could just imagine the notes that would get. And he would be the one to break the story which, of course, would do nothing but remind everyone who _really_ ran Hester. Lauren might have thought her little secret would get her to the top and Karma might have thought playing gay would make her popular. But everyone knew who the real King was.

This was his chance! This was his opportunity to put Lauren in her place _and_ to punish Karma for what she'd done to both his best friends! This was the kind of moment that Shane 'Capt. Outer' Harvey lived for!

So why wasn't he doing it?

Shane might have thought a little longer about that and maybe even come to a conclusion or two (or just busted in and taken the picture because, let's face it, he is _Shane_ ) if he hadn't been interrupted by a very small and very sad voice behind him.

"Shane?"

He spun, his back bumping against the door, and froze. Oh. Shit.

"Oh, Amy… hi?"

* * *

Lauren had moved back in and started nibbling her way up Karma's neck until she reached her ear. She sucked gently on Karma's earlobe, grateful that the other girl had remembered to skip the earrings today, before moving back around and placing several short and sweet pecks on Karma's lips, the last of which slowly deepened into the kind of kiss that left Lauren's hands tangled in Karma's hair and both girls moaning into the other's mouth.

Until they heard the bump against the door and the unmistakable sound of Shane's voice on the other side.

They both froze. Neither of them could make out exactly what Shane was saying through the door but they both would recognize _that_ voice anywhere.

"Amy," Karma whispered. "He said _Amy_."

Lauren was pretty sure that was Shane had said too, but her fear (and yes, she was _afraid_ of Amy being just outside the closet) was overridden by something else.

Anger? Maybe. Annoyance? Probably.

Jealousy? Oh _fuck_ no.

"So what?" she whispered back, her lips brushing against Karma's cheeks. "So what if it's Amy?"

Lauren knew _exactly_ 'so what'. She hadn't forgotten why Karma had been crying in that bedroom at Shane's party, nor had she forgotten that it was less than a week ago. She might have been an excellent kisser, maybe even the best at Hester (and Karma definitely would have voted for her) but even Lauren Cooper's lips couldn't make someone fall out of love in a week.

Not like she wanted to anyway. She wasn't trying to steal Karma away or win her heart. No way! Lauren was just trying to feel a little better and forget that jackass Theo.

That was all.

Totally all.

"So _what?"_ Karma asked. "Your _step-sister_ , my _best friend_ , the girl I… I…I…"

Lauren waited, semi-patiently, for Karma to finish the sentence, all the while trying to remember that it was _her_ ass the redhead was still gently squeezing and _her_ arms she was still in.

Not that any of that mattered, of course.

"The girl you, what, Karma?" Lauren finally said. "Love? Want? Need?"

If each word seemed to come out a little angrier and a little more bitter, neither girl noticed. Or at least would admit they did.

Karma glared at her. "Keep your voice down!" she whispered as loudly as she dared. "Do you _want_ to get caught?"

Lauren started to reply, probably with something sassy and snappy. But then she stopped, her eyes round and wide, and her heart dropped to her feet. It was that word.

 _Caught_.

Caught. Like drug dealers on a high school campus. Like fake lesbians. Like the stereotypical mean girl hiding her Intersex secret. Like two girls in a closet doing something with _someone_ they shouldn't.

This… thing. This… whatever it was they were doing was something they could be _caught_ at. It was something they were doing _wrong_.

Or at least Karma thought so.

Other than her brief and sort of crazy worries about Karma maybe setting her up, Lauren hadn't really thought about what they were doing in any way other than what _they_ were doing. Except for, a little (or a _lot_ ) when Shane had made her think Amy and Reagan were breaking up. But even then, even when she'd had that momentary epiphany that she might be, sort of, a little bit, crushing on Karma. Lauren had never really thought about what they were doing in terms of right or wrong.

The fact that Karma obviously had, told Lauren a lot. And she didn't like any of it.

Lauren untangled herself from Karma and stepped back. Karma's eyes never left the ground and she made no effort to keep Lauren close. She was, obviously, too busy listening, trying to hear what was going on just outside the door.

The look on Karma's face was one Lauren had seen before. It was the same one she remembered from the night of the wedding, when Karma heard Amy's toast and the lightbulb had, finally, gone on. It was fear. Karma was totally, unbelievably, mind-numbingly afraid of getting caught. Caught _with her_.

 _Was any of it real?_

 _No_.

Yeah. Lauren was so _not_ dealing with _that_ again. Especially not for something that wasn't more than a handful of stolen kisses in a closet. She wasn't going to be the secret anymore and she sure as hell wasn't going to be the _thing_ no one wanted to be caught with.

"I think you're right," she whispered. "We really should stop this."

Lauren slipped past Karma and made her way to the door. Her hand was on the knob when Karma grabbed her arm.

" _What_ are you _doing_?" Karma whispered.

Lauren smiled sadly. "Getting caught."

.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Sorry this took longer than usual. I wanted to make sure the ending felt right. Hope you like it!**_

"Please."

It was only one word and Karma said it so softly Lauren almost didn't hear her. _Almost_. But she did hear and it was enough, that one word was _just_ enough, to make her pause. She kept her grip on the door handle, but she didn't turn it.

Karma took a step closer but she was tentative and hesitant. That wasn't like her and, oddly enough, it wasn't like _them_ (and Lauren tried really hard not to think about thinking about her and Karma as a 'them'). They hadn't hesitated, they hadn't been tentative. Nothing about this… this… whatever the hell this was had been that way, not ever.

Seeing Karma so scared and timid was enough to make Lauren's heart hurt. But only a little.

She hated Karma, after all.

And besides, Lauren figured, all Karma was scared about was _getting caught_. She didn't want Shane or Amy (especially Amy) to find her with her hand in the cookie jar. That's all Lauren thought she was. The cookie jar. The temptation. The thing that was delicious and decadent and everything you wanted but oh, so _very_ bad for you.

A part of Lauren liked being the cookie jar. It was the same part of her that liked sending Karma all those text messages, the ones that talked about how much she liked the taste of Karma's lips and, occasionally, suggest some other… things… she might like the taste of.

That was dirty. That was fun. It was sexy and secret and Lauren loved watching the way Karma would blush whenever she got one and the way she would (unconsciously, of course) squeeze her legs together as she read. In those moments, Lauren really liked being the cookie jar.

This wasn't one of _those_ moments.

This was one of those moments when Lauren hated being the cookie jar. It wasn't because she wanted to go public or announce to the world that she thought Karma was just about the sexiest thing she'd ever seen (especially since she still had no idea when the hell _that_ had happened). It wasn't that she wanted to date Karma openly and for everyone at Hester to see.

Lauren still didn't know if she could spend five minutes in a room with the girl if they weren't kissing.

But there was a part of Lauren, the part Theo had done what she imagined was irreparable damage to, that wanted the option. She wanted the possibility that one day, if they both wanted to, maybe she and Karma could be…

Fuck! Lauren didn't even know the word.

More?

Obviously, she knew, they'd have to start as friends because they'd never done _that_. And sure, maybe it would have to be friends with benefits, but Lauren had felt the way Karma kissed her and the way Karma's hands squeezed her ass and she was pretty sure Karma wouldn't mind the 'with benefits' idea. Lauren knew _she_ wouldn't mind it.

But that was the sort of thing the cookie jar didn't get to have. That was the sort of thing reserved for people the 'hand' in said cookie jar wasn't ashamed of or embarrassed by. Liam and Amy and Reagan and even, God help her, Shane were the kind of people that got _that_.

And Lauren hated them for it. She hated that they got to be out and open and loved and adored and everyone saw it. Amy had Reagan and Reagan had Amy, the girl who had dumped a soda over another girl's head! Shane had Duke, an MMA fighter who had confessed his love on television!

(OK, so that was only because Shane had outed him, but really, Lauren wasn't counting _that_.)

Even Booker, the man whore himself, had never had to hide his dalliances. OK, so maybe he had with Karma, at first. Maybe back then Liam had been the cookie jar (or maybe it was Karma, but that really wasn't the point). The point was that, even for 'Kiam' (and oh, how Lauren _hated_ that name) the cookie jar _and_ the hand that was in it had, eventually, been out there for the world to see.

She and Theo had been out there too. The whole world had seen.

Seen him lie. Seen him keep secrets. See him betray her, cart her step-sister off to jail, and seen her accidentally reveal her biggest secret live on Vashti's camera phone.

Lauren never wanted to go through that again. But she at least wanted to know that maybe, just maybe, she might have the chance.

And she really, really wanted Karma to feel the same way.

Karma took another hesitant step forward and reached out, covering Lauren's hand with one of her own. "Please," she said again, just as softly. She closed her fingers around Lauren's hand and held it.

Lauren hated that even then, that hand on hers felt _so_ good.

"Please, what?" Lauren asked. She didn't make a move to open the door, but she didn't take her hand away either. She knew what was on the other side of the door. Shane. Probably Amy. The end of this… whatever… the two of them had going.

 _Answer right_ , Lauren thought. _Say the right fucking thing._

Lauren was hoping (kinda, sorta desperately) that Karma would say something, _anything_ , that would give her an excuse to not open the door. But Lauren knew, if there were a million things Karma could say, probably 999,999 of them were _wrong_.

Please don't open the door. Please don't tell Amy. Please don't tell Shane and the entire school that I've been hooking up with you, I'm ashamed enough as it is. Please don't ruin me for the rest of high school or screw my chances of at least getting Liam back.

"Please, _what_ , Karma?" Lauren whispered again. She was waiting. Waiting for an answer, waiting for a sign, she didn't know what _what_ she was waiting for.

But she did it anyway.

* * *

Karma had grabbed Lauren's hand on instinct and now she had no idea, none whatsoever of what to do or say next.

She lived so much of her life like that, doing everything on instinct. Karma was smart enough to know that was probably half the reason found herself in as many messes as she did. That and her inability to see what was right in front of her. That was the only explanation she'd ever had for how she had fallen so stupidly for Liam and missed Amy, right in front of her.

And now, Amy wasn't just right in front of her, she was right outside the door! There was like a foot of wood between her and Lauren and Shane and Amy. And if Lauren opened that door, Amy would know everything. And so would Shane. And if Harvey knew everything, then the school would know everything.

And, oh _shit_ , it would be the _entire_ school!

This wouldn't just be run-of-the-mill dirt for Shane. This was his gossip nirvana. The two girls he hated most in all of Hester caught (and there was _that_ word again) in a compromising position. They'd both be screwed. More than screwed. They'd be _fucked_. Ruined! Destroyed!

Destroyed, Karma thought, might not even cover it. This was past that, this was whole new worlds of high school hell. Her life would be in the hands of Shane Harvey, the best friend of the two people she had hurt most in this world. Shane could finish the job that faking it and her parents getting busted for drugs had started. And no matter what hot and popular boy she somehow tricked into dating her, it would never be enough. She'd never even find her way back near the school's social ladder.

Right now, with that door shut, Karma still had a chance. It wasn't a good one, she knew. Right now, she was headed for obscurity. Soon the school would move on from the 'newness' of what had happened and she'd become a footnote. A forgotten chapter in Hester history. She'd be, at best (or worst, depending on how you looked at it) the answer to a trivia question.

Who was that bitch that faked it with Amy before she came out?

Karma could hear them all laughing about it. She could hear the jokes and the puns and the funny little memes that would go around the school's social media. They'd all laugh at her. Liam and Shane and Ivy and Brandi and Vashti and…

Lauren.

Karma glanced down at her hand and discovered that, at some point, Lauren had turned her hand over and laced their fingers together.

Karma had grabbed Lauren's hand on instinct, the way she did so many things. But Lauren… Lauren didn't work like that. Lauren thought. Lauren considered. She'd had to, Karma knew, to make sure she'd kept up appearances, that she'd kept her secret safe.

She'd grabbed Lauren's hand on instinct. Lauren held hers by choice.

And Karma didn't know, not even the tiniest bit, what _the fuck_ to think about that.

Instinct was what had driven Karma all her life, it was the reason behind all her plans. It was, she knew, what had gotten her into this mess in the first place. Though, to be fair (and staring at her hand in Lauren's, Karma felt the _need_ to be fair) she hadn't once thought of it as a mess until Amy was standing outside the door.

And fuck Shane and fuck popularity and fuck her social standing! _That_ was the worst! Amy would know!

Amy would find out that her best friend had secretly been making out with her step-sister. There weren't words for how wrong that was. She and Amy _hated_ Lauren. Hated her! OK, so maybe Lauren and Amy had been getting along a little better lately (ever since the wedding, really, but Karma wasn't thinking about _that_ ) but still…

Getting along a little better wasn't quite the same as 'yeah, I'm fine with you having hot and sexy super secret makeouts with my step-sister in the janitor's closet.'

They _were_ hot and sexy makeouts though.

No! Karma was not thinking about that. This was not the time. Amy was outside the door and Lauren's hand was on the knob (and holding her's, but _so_ not the point) and that, Karma knew, was definitely not the time for thinking about those kinds of things!

Things like how much she liked kissing Amy's step sister (a lot) or how good Lauren's lips felt on her skin ( _sooooo_ good) or the way Lauren's ass felt when she squeezed it (firm, yet supple, yet… _perfect_ ).

Fuck.

Just… _fuck_.

Karma tried to focus on the door. She tried to focus on the just barely audible tone of Shane's voice on the other side of it. She strained as hard as she could to try and hear Amy's voice. Her voice, Karma was convinced, would do the trick. It would get her mind off Lauren's kisses and back to where it belonged. Worrying about Amy.

And maybe that was something she should have done before she started all this… stuff… with Lauren. After all, Amy was the one she was in love with. Amy was the one she was trying to get at the party.

The party when Amy had made it quite clear she was happy where she was, with who she was with. The party when Shane and Liam had given up on helping her.

The party when she'd found herself all alone and crying and broken. Until someone asked if she could kiss her. And Karma, on instinct, had said yes.

She remembered all that now. Especially how good it had felt.

How good it still felt.

Fuck. _Again_.

This had to stop! Karma had to stop thinking about Lauren and her lips and her tongue and her hands and her ass ( _especially_ her ass). She had to think clearly. A few months ago she hadn't thought clearly at all. All she had thought was 'lesbians equals popular and popular equals Liam Booker' and that had been an unmitigated disaster.

She'd lost her virginity in a thunder box. She'd broken her best friend's heart. She'd lost her first boyfriend and almost lost her best friend.

Clear thinking! It was the only way to go!

"Karma?"

Lauren's whisper shot into her brain like a bullet. Karma's eyes snapped up and she found herself staring at a very concerned and confused Lauren.

"You OK?" the tiny blonde whispered as she squeezed Karma's hand gently in hers. "You just weren't there for a minute and I was getting worried -"

"Please stay."

Karma wasn't sure which of them was more surprised, Lauren at hearing it or her at saying it. It had come out… you guessed it… on instinct.

Lauren stood stone still, her eyes flitting back and forth between Karma's hand in hers and the other girl's eyes. She saw the surprise in Karma's eyes and knew that the redhead was just as freaked and confused as she was, but somehow, she'd done it.

She'd found the one in a million.

"Please," Karma said, taking one very non hesitant step toward Lauren and bringing their joined hands up, pressing them between them as she leaned forward, brushing her lips against Lauren's in the softest kiss they'd ever shared.

"Stay."

And so Lauren did.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Sorry this took so long. College is kicking my butt! And the Reamy breakup broke my little shipper heart.**_

For a full half hour after the 'Stay' kiss (which is totally what Lauren would call it in her head for the rest of time) neither Karma nor Lauren said much. Or moved much. Or did much of anything but stayed there, huddled together in the closet (if holding onto each other with their foreheads pressed together and the feel of the other's breath on their lips counted as huddling) until Shane, somehow, managed to get Amy out of there.

It had been a close call. Too close, they both thought. Which was, probably, why they stayed 'huddled' for a good ten more minutes after Shane and Amy's voices had vanished off down the hall.

"We should probably go," Lauren had finally whispered, her words ghosting across Karma's lips and it was all the redhead could do not to kiss the other girl into silence. "You know, in case one of them comes back."

Karma nodded. Lauren was right. It was the smart thing to do.

So, since they stayed there for _another_ five minutes, they were both _clearly_ stupid.

As they stepped out of the closet, Karma wanted to ask Lauren what she thought they should do about Shane. Both of them were smart enough (huddling notwithstanding) to have realized that there was no reason for Shane to have been in the empty wing other than them. They didn't know how, but they both knew he had figured it out.

The fact that neither of them realized the same held true for Amy… well…

They _were_ being stupid, after all.

Karma wanted to ask but the words caught in her throat and she just couldn't do it. She knew they were going to have to do _something_ because she knew Shane wasn't the type to just let this go. But their close call had been bad enough. Karma didn't really want to consider what dealing with Shane would do to this… whatever… they had going on.

Lauren paused in the hall, just around the corner from the closet and, for just a second, Karma thought they'd been busted again. But Lauren just stood there, staring down the hall with her back to Karma.

"Why'd you say it?" she finally asked.

"Say what?" Karma replied even though she knew damn well what!

"You asked me to stay," Lauren said. "You said ' _stay_ '."

Karma knew what she had said and, as much as she hated to admit it, she had no fucking clue why she had said it.

Except that wasn't _exactly_ true.

Karma took one step closer to Lauren, close enough that she could (and did) reach out and take the blonde's hand, ignoring the way every instinct she had screamed at her.

 _We're in public! Anyone could see! What if Shane comes back? Or Amy?_

Karma laced her fingers with Lauren's and whispered. "I wanted you to stay."

Lauren didn't turn around or speak. But her fingers squeezed Karma's and the younger girl knew she'd had the right answer. And then Lauren dropped her hand and hurried off to the last five minutes of class. Karma gave her a couple of minutes head start and then followed.

Her last class of the day was with both Shane and Amy and, really, she wasn't looking forward to it at all (she was definitely going to have to avoid eye contact with Shane) but she was, pleasantly, surprised when she got there and discovered she'd beaten both of them to class.

Karma took her usual spot by the window (only one chair next to her, which would be Amy and that might be a little… awkward… but it was absolutely better than Shane!) and fidgeted with her pencil. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't get that one last kiss out of her mind.

She still couldn't believe she'd done it. She'd been so preoccupied with Amy being right outside the door and with what Shane might or might not know (he _had_ to know something, why the hell else would he have been there?) that she hadn't even really thought before the kiss. She'd simply reacted when she'd heard Lauren's voice and just kissed her.

 _Kissed_ her!

If every kiss the two of them had shared up until that point was hot and sexy and passionate (and they all were) then that last one was… well… Karma didn't have a word for it. And part of her didn't really want to.

She'd kissed Liam dozens, maybe hundreds of times and none of their kisses (and Karma meant _none_ ) had been like _that_. Liam had soft lips, that was sure, like tiny little pillows. But Lauren's lips…

Damn.

Just… _damn_.

It wasn't that they were softer than Liam's because, really, they weren't. And it wasn't that they tasted better than Amy's (even if Karma was trying so very hard not to remember what Amy's lips tasted like) because, really, they didn't. But there was something about them, something magnetic that drew Karma in and something addictive, something that kept her from ever getting enough.

It might have been, Karma supposed, the person they were attached to.

Nah. It couldn't be _that_.

After all, she hated… well… OK, maybe she didn't _hate_ Lauren. Maybe she hadn't really even hated Lauren before this, and she definitely couldn't say she hated Lauren now. Maybe Amy and Liam could… you know… with someone they hated. But Karma wasn't wired like that.

Maybe, she thought, most of her feelings toward Lauren had been of the jealous variety. After all, Lauren just sauntered into town and moved right into the Raudenfeld house. Even worse, she'd been _accepted_. Farrah loved her from the start (Amy was always convinced Farrah thought of Lauren as the daughter she'd never had) and Karma knew that even though Amy's mother _liked_ her, that was as far as it was ever going to go.

Which was fine. Really. Karma didn't mind that at all. So what if her parents thought of Amy as their other daughter? So what if they loved her like she was their own and would have moved heaven and Earth if Amy needed something?

Amy was loveable. Karma knew that better than anyone.

Lauren, on the other hand, was… well… Karma didn't really have a word for _that_ , either. It wasn't that Lauren was a bitch (usually) or mean (OK, sometimes) or stuck up, resentful of being moved to Austin, or ungrateful for everything she'd just been handed…

OK. So maybe it was all that. And more.

But somewhere deep down inside, Karma understood. She knew Amy never would because Amy couldn't care less about things like popularity and acceptance and adoration. Sometimes, on the few occasions they'd been left alone together (before the closet and the kisses and definitely before 'please stay') Karma had actually… studied?... Lauren. And she'd found herself wondering what it must be like to be her.

She'd even tried talking to Amy about it once.

Once.

"I'm just saying," Karma said, "that it must be hard. Getting yanked away from all your friends, especially, you know, if you had a lot of them."

Amy had looked at her like she'd grown a second head. It was, Karma remembered, very similar to the look Amy had given her when she suggested they fake it.

"She could make friends here," Amy said. "If she, I don't know, tried being human?"

Karma sighed. "It's not that easy, you know. You try going from the top of the food chain all the way to the bottom. If it weren't for dating Tommy, she'd probably be even less popular than we are."

Karma remembered Amy smiled at her then, and took her hand. "We're plenty popular," she said. "You're my favorite and I'm yours. What else do you need?"

Nothing. That's what Karma said. She needed nothing.

She lied. She lied like a rug! Karma loved Amy (even if back then it was a little _different_ kind of love) but popularity was the one thing they were never, ever going to agree on. Of course, in the end, Karma's obsession with being popular led them to faking it and that led to Liam and that led to Amy _and_ Liam and that led to Reagan and…

And that all just made Karma's head hurt. And made her wish Lauren was there with her perfect lips (no matter if they weren't the softest or the tastiest) and her _perfect_ ass and her arms that felt _so_ good around Karma's neck and before she knew what she was doing Karma had her phone in one hand, tapping out a text message to Lauren and the fingers of her other hand were slowly running across her lips.

Shit.

This was _so_ not good. So very very not good.

She glanced down at the message on her phone.

 _Meet me in the parking lot. Five minutes before last bell. By your car._

This was not a good idea. This was, in fact, the _opposite_ of a good idea! This was the worst idea in the history of worst ideas! The parking lot was not the closet and Lauren's car was sure as hell not a dark bedroom in the Harvey house.

Karma's finger hovered over the send button. She knew if she did this there was no taking it back and, whether Lauren agreed or not, nothing was going to be the same.

 _Please. Stay._

Fuck it.

Karma pressed send and dropped her phone back into her pocket just as Amy sat down next to her. She smiled at her best friend, totally missing the way Amy's eyes burned into her or the way her hand shook around her pencil for the entire rest of the class.

She didn't miss the way Shane looked at her when he walked in twenty minutes late. Karma saw the way his eyes practically danced their way off his face and the sassy little smirk he shot her from across the room and all she wanted, right then, was to know where he'd been for the last twenty minutes.

And maybe why it was taking Lauren so long to text her back.

So when her phone _finally_ buzzed under the desk, Karma felt her heart leap into her throat. As discreetly as she could, she slipped it out of her pocket so she could see the message.

 _Shane: Knock, knock._

Karma glared at him across the room and refused, on general principle, to answer the message. Her phone buzzed again in her lap.

 _Shane: Knock, knock, Karmakins_

 _Karma: WTF Shane?_

She tried, as best she could, to focus on the board. But she wasn't good at math when she was paying attention and Shane's annoying-ness _and_ not hearing from Lauren was killing her ability to think about anything else.

Another buzz, another message. _Shane: That's not the way it works, Karma. Knock, knock._

 _Karma: Fine. Who's there?_

Karma's phone buzzed one more time and she looked down at the screen. And felt every bit of blood drain out of her face.

 _Shane: Lauren and Karma. Sitting in a tree. Or a closet. Either way, really._

She didn't dare look at him because she knew he'd have that shit eating grin on his face and she couldn't be sure how she'd react to that. It's OK, she thought. She'd known that he knew (though getting confirmation of that was _so_ much worse than she could have thought) but this was workable. They (and did she really just think of her and Lauren as a 'they'?) could totally handle this.

Really.

They could.

Sure. Yup. Uh huh.

Shit.

They were so well and truly fucked.

Her phone buzzed and Karma looked down, almost afraid to see the message.

 _Lauren: I'll be there. We need to talk._

We need to talk? Well for fuck's sake. Everyone knew that 'we need to talk' was code for 'I'm about to break up with you' and was that even possible? Could someone she wasn't actually with (unless you counted closet time) break up with her?

She felt her phone shake in her hand and she didn't even want to look. But, she did.

 _Lauren: And stop freaking out. I'm not breaking up with you. Could I? Is that even possible? Never mind. I'm not doing it anyway. You asked me to stay. So I'm staying._

The message blinked away, replaced by a new one, a very simple one that brought a smile to Karma's face.

 _Lauren: So you better be staying WITH me or so help me God, Ashcroft…._

Five minutes before last bell, Karma asked to go to the restroom (noticeably taking all her stuff with her) and scurried from the room. She ignored the bemused grin on Shane's face and somehow resisted the urge to flip him off on her way out the door.

She never saw, or even felt, Amy's eyes on her the whole way or saw the way the blonde's trembling hand snapped her pencil in half and then stared at the board, not seeing a single number on it.

Karma had other things on her mind.


	9. Chapter 9

The car ride to the Ashcroft house wasn't as long as Lauren had thought, which was good.

It was good because those few minutes in the car were the longest she and Karma had been around each other since this whole… whatever this was… had started, without being in a closet _and_ without touching each other. Specifically, without kissing each other. Lauren wanted to see how long they could last and she thought the drive was a good test.

After all, if they couldn't be in each other's presence without locking lips, how would this ever be anything more than closet rendezvous and dirty texts?

And yes, Lauren had officially given up any effort at all to pretend that there wasn't at least some desire, on her part, for this to be something… else. She was stubborn and prideful and hated giving in on anything. But she wasn't stupid. And after the day they'd had, with the 'stay' kiss and the 'I'm not breaking up with you and you better be staying with me' text, she'd _have_ to be stupid to think there wasn't something more than kissing going on here.

She had no fucking idea what that was, but let's cross one bridge at a time, right?

So, it was good that the ride wasn't as long as Lauren had thought because she was pretty sure if it was even one minute longer, she would have lost her mind.

Lauren's car was small. Her father subscribed to some silly rule that the car should mirror the person. "You're still a little one, Show Pony," he'd said to her when he took her car shopping and refused to look at anything bigger than a VW Bug. "No sense getting more car than you can handle."

Bruce had four accidents in the two years before they moved to Austin. Lauren wasn't so sure it was her 'handling' he should have been so worried about.

All that aside, she'd ended up with a small (a 'little one') car and, normally, that wasn't an issue for her. It got her from Point A to Point B and, on the few occasions when she had to give Amy a ride, the taller girl just has to slide the seat back. No big deal.

Karma, on the other hand? That was a big deal. A very _big_ deal, Lauren discovered quickly.

Unlike Amy, who seemed to sink into the seat and disappear into the upholstery, Karma was, for lack of a better way of putting it, _everywhere_. Her flowery skirt kept finding its way onto the gear shift. Her perfume (which Lauren had totally _not_ bought a bottle of at the store the other day, not even a small bottle that she could easily hide but would be handy if she, you know, needed it) seemed to replace all the air in the car, no matter how high Lauren ran the AC.

And her arm…

Fuck all, her arm.

There was only one arm rest between the two seats and while Lauren didn't normally use it (she was driving after all) she did, sometimes, let her arm settle there when she took a hand off the wheel at traffic lights.

Apparently, Austin had decided the stretch of city streets between Hester and the Ashcroft house needed to be the single most traffic-lighted span in the whole fucking city!

Lauren was tense and growing more so by the minute. So when she hit the first traffic light and found herself third in line at a just-changed-to-red, behind a minivan and a Miata, she tried, as best she could, to relax. She leaned back in her seat and let her elbow drop onto the arm rest.

Where it, promptly, made direct contact with Karma's arm.

She'd heard, for years, from one after another in a parade of Bruce's girlfriends / wives / can't-we-get-this-one-out-of-heres about electricity. Apparently, her father's touch was (ugh) electric. Lauren had never understood what in the frilly hell that meant.

Until that moment.

It wasn't much like a shock. It wasn't like Karma had rubbed her bare feet back and forth over the floor mat until she was a walking power station. But it still sent a shiver up Lauren's spine and she snatched her elbow back so fast she inadvertently slammed her hand into the wheel, honking her horn at the Miata and causing her to curse out loud.

" _Mother_ fucker!"

(Of all the curses, Lauren had to admit, _that_ was her favorite.)

"You OK?" Karma asked. She leaned forward, sending another wave of perfume washing over Lauren. The driver of the Miata stuck his hand out the window to flip them off and Karma (Karma!) returned the gesture. "Asshole," she muttered. "Is your hand OK?"

She reached over and took Lauren's hand in hers and if the shock to her elbow had been enough to send shivers up her spine, Lauren was pretty sure the feeling of Karma holding her hand (in public!) (in broad daylight!) was enough to send her into some kind of cardiac arrest.

"I'm fine," she said, pulling her hand back and setting it on the wheel. Ten and two, just like Bruce had taught her. "Just banged it is all." Karma stared at her for a minute and Lauren finally lifted her hand from the wheel, wiggling all her fingers to prove her point.

Karma laughed and Lauren wondered when that had become a sound she wanted to hear more often and oh God, she was so incredibly screwed.

And, just to make sure _that_ point was irretrievably made, Lauren's subconscious kicked in and, instead of putting her hand back at 'two' she _somehow_ found herself settling it down on Karma's knee. And not _just_ her knee. No. The bare skin of her knee, just under the edge of the flowery skirt and just what in the hell had possessed her to make her think _that_ was a good idea?

Even if it did feel good. _Really_ good. Like, she never imagined someone could have skin that soft and even with the AC blowing on high, Karma was still _so_ warm good.

Fuck. Just… _fuck._

Lauren meant to pull her hand away, really she did. But that became somewhat more difficult (like it would have ever been easy) when Karma covered her hand with one of her own and Lauren was suddenly very glad they seemed to be at the longest red light in recorded history.

"I think it's broken," Karma said. "The light, I mean. Not your hand."

Lauren didn't even consider uttering a sarcastic 'duh' or 'really?' or anything like that.

So screwed.

"And," Karma said, as she peered through the windshield. "I'm pretty sure that's Mrs. Powers from down the street in the van. She's about a hundred and twelve, should have lost her license last _century_ and will not move until that light turns green."

So, in other words, they were stuck. Lauren could think of worse things to be.

The silence settled back in as they waited and Lauren was afraid to break it. That's how this whole thing seemed to work, like they were in a bubble (usually shaped like a janitor's closet) and every movement, every word seemed to be a risk. She wasn't sure what would break the bubble or what might throw them right out of it and right back into the Amy-Liam-Reagan-Shane real world neither of them seemed to like much anymore.

Hell, Lauren thought, even her _thoughts_ were in on it, since every one of them lately (conscious and unconscious) seemed to be focused on finding new ways for Karma to give her the tingles and, _really_? Did she really just think 'the tingles'?

So _fucking_ screwed.

Eventually, as the light stayed and stayed and stayed red (and Lauren was pretty sure Karma was right about it being broken, but the pause meant she didn't _have_ to move her hand so she wasn't exactly complaining) it was Karma who broke the silence.

"Shane knows."

Lauren noticed (how could she not?) the way Karma gripped her hand a little tighter as she said it, like she was afraid that maybe this was going to be it. This was the sharp pointy thing that burst their bubble.

"I know," Lauren said and she slid her hand out from under Karma's and heard the tiny sharp inhale from the redhead. And then she heard the relieved (yes, _relieved_ ) exhale as she plucked Karma's hand from her knee and took it in hers, clasped together in her own lap.

Lauren knew all too well that Shane was on to them. She told Karma how he had cornered her outside her last class and dragged her into a closet (Hester had _way_ too many closets) and demanded answers.

"Tell me everything," he'd said. "Or I'll out the two of you to the entire school."

Shane? Outing someone? That would never…. yeah. Lauren spilled the beans in a hurry.

"What did you say?" Karma asked.

Lauren watched as the Miata driver got out of his car and walked up to the minivan's side window.

"I told him that it was none of his business," Lauren said. She was stubborn, after all. "And then when he started texting Penelope, I fessed up."

Karma nodded even though they both knew that Lauren really hadn't answered her question as 'fessed up' was about as vague as could be.

"Oh," Karma said as she shifted slightly in her seat. "That was probably… smart."

Lauren heard a rumble behind them and glanced in her rear view. The line of cars was getting deeper.

"I told him we were…" Lauren sighed as she remembered the way she had struggled to find the right words for Shane _and_ the pleasure he took in watching her squirm. "I told him we were seeing each other," she said. "You know… romantically or _whatever_."

Lauren waited for another little gasp or for Karma to pull away or for, well, _something_. She'd just, basically, defined their relationship (which hadn't _been_ a relationship five minutes ago) to Shane, of all people, and she was sure, so absolutely sure this was it.

This was the sharp pointy thing.

And she was right, if by sharp pointy thing she meant Karma leaning across the seat, cupping her face with one hand and turning her so she could look right in her eyes and then kiss her.

 _Kiss_ her.

It was hard and deep and tongue filled and Karma pushed Lauren back, almost pinning her against the door, practically climbing into the driver's seat with her, her hand sliding up under the back of Lauren's shirt, fingernails scraping against skin.

This was new.

Lauren kinda liked it.

(More than kinda)

But then there was that rumble again and a bunch of loud voices yelling from the row of cars behind them. And one very distinctive "What the _hell_ are you doing?" that made them both pull apart.

Karma's eyes grew wide and Lauren was pretty sure her's looked the same. It couldn't be! It just couldn't.

Lauren tipped her head slightly, peering over her shoulder and out the window. She only needed to see a flicker of purple and a flash of a leather jacket. That was all it took.

"Shit," she muttered.

"Fuck," Karma added.

"Reagan," they said at the same time.

Hello sharp pointy thing.


	10. Chapter 10

The excuses rushed to Karma's mind so fast, she hardly had time to stop them or even to realize that every one of them was more ridiculous than the last.

"It's not what it looks like," she said, still pressed against Lauren (and trying desperately to ignore the way Lauren turning to look out the window had arched her back and pressed the blonde's chest against her own), her fingers still sliding against the soft skin of the other girl's back.

"Karma."

"OK," Karma corrected. "It _was_ what it looked like. But there was a totally reasonable explanation."

Of course there was. Lauren. Hot and beautiful and sexy Lauren who Karma liked ( _really_ liked) kissing.

No. Wait. Not that.

Well… yes, _that_ , but no, not that for _Reagan_.

"Karma."

"You had something in your eye," Karma said, her fingers tapping along Lauren's spine as she rattled her way through the totally believable (Karma had clearly spent too much time with Lauren, she was even _thinking_ in sarcasm now) explanation. "You had something in your eye and I was trying to help you get it out," she said. "I slipped and fell and our lips just… landed on each other."

Karma nodded for emphasis, as if a few shakes of her head was all it would take to convince Reagan.

"It happens all the time," she said. "Eyes. Lips. Landing. It's perfect."

Lauren's eyes, which had been looking out the window, rolled back in Karma's direction and even with the slight flush Lauren was still sporting (and Karma couldn't help feeling a certain sense of pride at putting _that_ there) she could see the blonde wasn't having it.

"Karma."

Karma slipped one hand from underneath Lauren and held it up. "Wait," she said. "No eyes. Much better idea. Stress."

" _Karma…_ "

"You were getting upset about the traffic jam," Karma said. "And Reagan knows you. She knows that an upset Lauren is not a Lauren _anyone_ wants, am I right?"

Lauren shook her head and wondered, not for the first time, how Karma missed the obvious so frequently.

"Karma," she said, "Reagan's -"

"A smart girl," Karma said. "You're right. She'd never buy that I was kissing you to calm you down."

That much, Lauren had to admit, was probably true. Anyone with eyes could see the effect Karma's kisses had on her. And it had nothing to do with calm.

"Karma."

"What if I was drunk?" Karma asked before quickly answering her own question. "No, it's too early in the day for me to be drunk."

Yup. Too early in the day. _That_ was the problem with that idea.

"I was _high_ ," Karma said, her excitement causing her to shift slightly, pressing her down against Lauren, who had to grip her seat in both hands to keep from arching into the contact. "I had a reaction to some medication and you found me wandering the halls and you offered to take me home."

"So you kissed me?" Lauren asked.

Of for fuck's sake… now Karma had _her_ doing it.

"It was the drugs," Karma said, immediately realizing how bad _that_ sounded, she tried to fix it (emphasis on 'tried'). "They confused me," she said. "And I was loopy and I thought you were Amy and I just planted one on you…"

She trailed off, her own words playing on a loop in her mind.

 _I thought you were Amy_

Oh.

Oh… fuck.

"Karma," Lauren said, her voice soft and neutral. She nodded out the window. "Reagan wasn't talking to us."

Karma looked up just in time to see Reagan approaching Mrs. Powers in the van, her arms waving wildly and 'What the _hell_ are you doing' suddenly made much more sense.

A hell of a lot more sense than what she'd said, that was for sure.

Lauren wasn't looking at her. In fact, Lauren was actively looking anywhere _but_ at her. Karma had seen Lauren hurt and she'd seen her angry and she'd seen Lauren glare at someone so intently that she thought she could see that person's soul burning.

This was worse. _So_ much worse.

"Lauren -"

The other girl shook her head and held up a hand. "It's fine," she said. "Don't worry about it."

Don't worry about it?

Who the hell did Lauren think she was talking to? Karma was the 'Don't worry about it' Queen. She'd said those words to Amy about a thousand times over the years and Karma knew the code, she knew what it meant.

Worry about it. Worry _a lot_.

Lauren glanced back out the window. Reagan was by the minivan's window, her back to them and that meant now was as a good a time as any.

"You should probably go," she said to Karma. "There's not much chance she's not going to see us eventually. If you slip out now…" Lauren stared at the older girl out on the street. "It's simple, really. Shane won't say anything. If anyone's noticed you being late and missing classes, they'll just assume you were with Liam."

"I don't want people to think I was with Liam," Karma said.

"Better than the alternative, right?" Lauren snapped. She squeezed her eyes shut. This… this was why she didn't do… _this._ Feelings or caring or falling…

Fuck.

Falling. She was falling. And there was going to be no one to catch her and, really, she had only herself to blame for that.

 _Can I kiss you?_

Fuck. Just… fuck all.

"Just go, Karma. Go now, while you can." Lauren fidgeted, trying to scoot herself out from under Karma who seemed intent on making this as hard as possible. "This is your neighborhood. Even if Reagan sees you walking along, it won't seem… weird."

Weird. Right. Weird.

Karma was pretty sure that word fit every single moment of her life since Lauren had asked if she could kiss her. No. Not since then.

Since the moment she'd said yes.

"Karma?"

"Right," Karma said, the word shuddering out of her, and she didn't like how it sounded, not even a little. "Not weird. Not like if she found me here. With you."

Karma noticed it right then and wondered how for the life of her she hadn't seen it once in the last week. _With you_. It didn't sound _right_ , not exactly (and Karma wondered how much of that was context of the moment) but it didn't _sound_ weird. It didn't sound wrong.

She kinda liked it, actually.

With you.

 _With_ you.

Lauren nodded. "Yeah," she whispered. "And if she finds us together…"

(And Karma thought that maybe, just _maybe_ , 'together' sounded even less weird that 'with you' and that was great except Lauren was still trying to kick her out of the car.)

"She'll tell Amy," Lauren said. "You know she will. It'll be the first thing she does."

Karma did know that. She knew that very, very well. Reagan, for all Amy's efforts to convince her differently, still thought her girlfriend was in love with Karma. This.. well this would end _that_ , now wouldn't it? Karma didn't know exactly how Amy would react (though anger, a few choice words about betrayal, and a whole mess of ' _what the fuck'_ seemed like pretty solid guesses) but she knew it wouldn't be good.

She looked out the window at Reagan. She watched as the older girl kept waving her hands, urging Mrs. Powers to get moving. To move it along.

To move on.

Lauren saw it all on Karma's face, or thought she did. She saw Karma realizing how close she was to losing any chance she and Amy would ever have and sodas over the head and tear soaked popcorn be damned, _everyone_ knew there was still a chance.

Unless Reagan ruined it.

"I know how you feel about Amy," Lauren said. "I've never fooled myself about that." Karma didn't look at her and that was all the confirmation Lauren needed. "And I'm… OK… well… not _OK_ … but if you want to… I mean…" She let her head hang. Being noble and self sacrificing wasn't a good fit for her and this… this was just fucking _wrong_. All of it.

This feeling was wrong. This fear, this fucking terror (and Lauren Cooper didn't _do_ terror) that Karma was going to bolt? _That_ was wrong. And the need… fuck all, _that_ was the worst. Lauren didn't do terror and she sure as hell didn't do need. Not this fast, not this much.

Not with _Karma._

Lauren wanted to scream. No. She didn't want that. What she wanted was to get out of the car, dragging Karma behind her, and walk right up to Reagan, right in her face. She wanted to kiss Karma then and there, Reagan and Mrs. Powers and the Miata driving douche and her step-sister be damned.

That was what she wanted but what she said was "If you want to go, Karma, I won't stop you."

She kept her head down, not even raising it when she felt Karma's lips on her forehead, when she felt the other girl press the softest of kisses against her skin. It wasn't like Karma's other kisses. It didn't feel as good.

It felt like the end.

"Motherfucker," she muttered under her breath because, really, what else was there to say while she waited for the inevitable, for Karma to scoot off her and back to her seat and then out the door and then… wherever.

Except…

Karma wasn't moving. Not at all. Unless you counted the fingers of that one hand, still softly drawing circles on the skin of Lauren's back.

(And Lauren wasn't counting those. Not yet. But the longer Karma stayed…)

Lauren raised her head, slowly, and looked into Karma's eyes. She didn't want to because then Karma would see _hers_ and she'd see it all and Lauren didn't want Karma to know, especially if she was just going to go, how much she wanted her to stay.

" _I_ don't know how I feel about Amy," Karma said. "But Amy isn't here." She waved her hand around them, indicating the car. "And she's not _here_." That same hand flicked between her Lauren. " _This_ isn't about _Amy_."

"But if Reagan -"

Karma cut Lauren off with a kiss, her hands traveling along the blonde's sides again, fingertips brushing against Lauren's skin beneath the edges of her shirt.

"You can't do _that_ ," Lauren said even though every part of her (save maybe her heart) was actually pretty fine with Karma doing that whenever she wanted. "You can't just kiss me every time I say something you don't li-"

Karma kissed her again and Lauren fisted the fabric of the redhead's top, pulling her closer.

"OK," she said when they broke for air. "You can _totally_ do that." And then she blushed because Lauren Cooper didn't do terror _and_ she didn't say things like that, like some breathless little schoolgirl fawning over the Liam Bookers of the world. "Fuck," she muttered. "What have you _done_ to me?"

"Not nearly enough," Karma said. Her eyes snapped wide and she clapped a hand to her mouth as she realized what she'd said and she only hoped Lauren didn't catch it, but then the blonde slid one hand behind her, onto Karma's neck and tugged her back down, letting her lips brush against the other girl's skin as she whispered into her ear.

"Karma? You've got five seconds to get out of this car."

Karma leaned back, her eyes full of fear as she looked at Lauren. "But… but, I thought -"

Lauren held a finger to Karma's lips to quiet her (and didn't once think about slipping that finger between those lips and, oh fuck all, five seconds was too fucking long). "If you're not out of this car in the next five seconds, you're not getting out," she said. "And Reagan or no fucking Reagan, I'm driving you to your house, we're going to your room, and we're going to start checking things off that 'not nearly enough list.'

About a thousand emotions played across Karma's face in the next few moments and Lauren watched them all. She knew this was it. This?

This was her closet door. This was her Amy in the hall.

This was her 'stay'.

Karma leaned in closer and there was something in her eyes that Lauren couldn't quite identify but it made her heart race and it made her hands slip to Karma's hips.

"Amy made her choice," Karma said. She brushed a hand along Lauren's cheek and let the blonde pull her close, her hips pressed flush against Lauren's. "And I'm making mine."

Lauren wasn't sure (she was so afraid to guess wrong) until Karma kissed her and ground her hips down earning a low moan from both of them.

Then she was sure. And right then and there, Lauren stopped caring if Reagan or Mrs. Powers or any-fucking-one was watching them. The only thing that mattered was Karma's lips and hips and her hands on Lauren.

And how fast they could get to the Ashcroft's house.

Karma broke the kiss and slid back into her seat, taking Lauren's hand in hers and settling them both on her lap. "You know," she said. "You're kinda hot when you're bossy."

Lauren swiveled back into her seat, her hand (so sweaty it almost slipped) on the wheel. "Yeah?" she asked. "Glad you think so," she said. "Cause I'm planning to tell you _exactly_ what to do."


	11. Chapter 11

**Don't hate me. Please?**

The words kept pinballing around inside Lauren's head, no matter how much she didn't want them to.

 _I thought you were Amy_

Lauren knew it was a slip of the tongue, that it was just Karma's mouth running a bit ahead of her brain (so, basically, Karma's usual). She knew that Karma wasn't with her as some sort of stand in for Amy.

She _knew_ that. Right?

Right.

Except…

Well, except for the fact that Lauren didn't really have the first fucking clue _why_ Karma was with her. Hell, she didn't even have much of an idea why _she_ was with _Karma_.

Other than, you know, kisses. Lots and lots of really _(really_ ) good kisses. Kisses _and_ those hands, the ones Karma had run along her back and put on her hips and held in her own. The hands that frequently found their way to Lauren's ass. So, kisses and those hands _and_ , really, so many other little things.

Like the way Karma felt when Lauren held her close, the way the redhead fit so perfectly in her embrace and the height difference was _just_ enough. Or the way Karma blushed when Lauren sent her a particularly dirty text. It started on her neck and crept upwards, slowly, as she read and the longer (and dirtier) the message, the faster and higher the color rose along Karma's skin until her cheeks matched her hair and she bit her lip and took short quick breaths that made her chest heave in _that_ way…

Nope. Lauren didn't have a clue why she was with Karma. Not a one.

Fuck. Just.. Lauren was so fucking screwed and she knew it and, right up until those words started bouncing round her brain, she really didn't mind it.

But there were those words…

 _I thought you were Amy_

Lauren watched out the window, always one eye on Reagan, as the small crowd gathered near Mrs. Powers' van. One of them, the Miata driver, she thought, was talking animatedly on his cell and gesturing toward the van as if whoever was on the other end of the line could see.

"I think they're calling the cops," Karma said. She was still holding tight to Lauren's hand, her thumb ghosting small circles against the blonde's skin. "Mrs. P. is a crotchety old bitty," she said. "I wouldn't be surprised if she's refusing to move now just to piss people off."

"Great," Lauren muttered. The longer they sat there, the worse her anxiety got. She wanted to drive away, to pull out with tires squealing and burn rubber around Mrs. P. and Mr. Miata and Reagan and the rest.

Getting out of there meant to getting to Karma's house and _that_ meant getting to all those things she planned to tell Karma to do (and probably a few Karma might suggest too which Lauren was surprisingly OK with). But, more importantly, getting out of there meant getting _away_ from Reagan.

Lauren watched as Amy's girlfriend leaned against the Miata. It was dumb fucking luck that they'd managed to avoid being spotted this long. Every moment Mrs. P. kept them sitting there was one moment closer to Reagan inevitably turning around and spotting them. And from there…

Well, from there, there was only one thing left.

Amy.

And that, Lauren knew, just wouldn't do.

"I know you don't want to get out," she said to Karma, squeezing the other girl's hand in what she hoped was an affectionate-slash-reassuring gesture (she was woefully out of practice with both). "But Reagan's not blind. And the longer we sit here, the better the chances she's 'not blind' enough to see us."

"I know," Karma said and there was a hint of fear and resignation in her voice, neither of which Lauren could really blame her for. "But I'm not leaving."

Lauren let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding and shook her head. Karma. she was quickly discovering, was as stubborn as she was.

"OK," she said, perfectly willing to find some compromise. "How about hiding? Maybe ducking down?"

The words weren't even fully out before Lauren could practically _hear_ the smirk forming on Karma's face. "You want me," she said, "to put my head _down there_? Damn, you weren't kidding about being bossy, were you?"

Lauren wanted ( _really_ wanted) to fire off a witty retort but since most of her brain was now busy imagining _exactly_ what Karma was suggesting…

Fuck. Just… _fuck_.

"OK," Lauren said. "Let me rephrase. How about something else? Hopping in the back where no one can see…" She trailed off as she heard the words coming out of her mouth and the giggle from the passenger seat. "Don't," she said. "Just… _don't_."

Karma didn't. She didn't make the obvious backseat joke or even come out with one of the dozen or so other easy innuendos that tripped through her mind. Instead, she leaned over, placing one soft and (relatively) chaste kiss on Lauren's cheek.

"You're adorable when you're flustered," she said. "How did I never notice that before."

"You were too wrapped up in playing lesbian with my sister."

The words slip from Lauren's lips before she can stop them and then it's too late. They're out there and she can tell from the way Karma's hand goes stiff around hers that now they're both getting pinballed.

"I'm sorry," she said and add apologizing to Karma Ashcroft to the list of things Lauren Cooper didn't do before today. "I didn't mean…" She stopped herself because, honestly, she didn't even know what she didn't mean and she wasn't really even sure what she _did_.

But, apparently, Karma was.

"Yeah," Karma said, "you meant it. And it's OK."

"No," Lauren said emphatically. "It's not. It's really not."

Karma's grip softened again and she brought their entwined hands closer to her. "All things considered," she said. "It's _fine._ I'm just surprised it didn't come up before now."

Lauren risked losing sight of Reagan as her head snapped around to look at Karma. "What?"

Karma didn't look back at her, she just stared out the window but she didn't let go of Lauren's hand (and the tiny blonde figured that had to count for _something_ ). "Me and Amy," she said simply. "More specifically, _me_ and, even more specifically, the fact that until that night at Shane's, you _hated_ me."

"I didn't hate you," Lauren said but the words sounded all wrong, too automatic and too simple and too pat and too _obvious_.

"Lauren, it's -"

"Stop!" Lauren yelled, her voice so loud she had to glance back out the window to make sure she hadn't just shot off a giant signal flare.

 _Reagan! Over here! Yoo hoo! Reagan!_

She knew what Karma was about to say and _that_ just wouldn't do (Lauren was sensing something of a pattern). "I didn't mean to yell," she said, "I just… I just couldn't hear you say it was OK. Because it wasn't and it's not and you can't think I really hated you."

"I _can't_?" Karma turned in her seat to look at Lauren. "Why _can't_ I? You hated me from the moment you met me. And you weren't exactly Amy's biggest fan either."

Lauren drummed her fingers on the wheel and wondered if getting caught right then might just suck less. "I never hated you," she said. "Or Amy. It wasn't… I didn't hate _you._ I hated you _and_ her."

Karma considered this for a moment and then… "Wait. _What?"_

Lauren dropped her hand from the wheel to her lap, fingers splayed against her leg. "I had a friend back in Dallas," she said. "Her name was Trish and I _loved_ that girl. She was the moon to my sun, the salt to my pepper…"

"The Batman to your Robin when you were out having fun?" Karma finished, a twinge of shock in her voice. "You remember that?"

Lauren smiled and nodded. "What can I say?" she asked. "It was catchy."

Catchy enough that she found herself humming it at the oddest times for the next few weeks, weeks she now recognized as the moments when the thought of Karma as an actual and (somewhat) interesting person started to form.

"Trish was my Amy," she said. "We met in fourth grade and did everything together. She was the only person in Dallas I trusted enough to tell her I was Intersex."

Karma's thumb slid across Lauren's knuckles and the blonde smiled.

"I needed what Trish gave me. Her loyalty. Her unwavering support. Her heart." Lauren stared down at her lap and refused to cry the tears she didn't think she deserved. "There was nothing she wouldn't have done for me or me for her."

She glanced up as the flashing lights lit up her rear view. The cops had arrived.

"Problem was… well… the problem was _me_ ," Lauren said. "I had everything anyone could have wanted."

"But it wasn't enough," Karma said softly, "was it?"

Lauren shook her head. "When we got to high school, there was an opening on the school's social committee for a Freshman rep. I ran, unopposed, and got the spot." She leaned back in her seat, letting her eyes shut, the blue and red flashes splashing against her lids. "It was my first taste of the world outside of Trish."

Karma knew the taste well. The hottie boy being interested. Super sexy secret affairs. Being the belle of the ball, even if it meant being the lesbian belle.

"I never intended to hurt Trish," Lauren said. "I never meant to. BUt she would've been content being salt and pepper forever, but that wasn't me. I needed to be paprika. Or cilantro." She laughed, shaking her head at her own ridiculous metaphor. "I needed to be popular. I needed the love of the crowd and not the love of the one."

Karma saw it all so clearly then. Lauren had never hated her _or_ Amy. She hated them _together_ because she saw it all on Amy's face every time she looked at Karma. There was nothing Amy wouldn't do for Karma, not length she wouldn't go to.

 _Let's be lesbians_

"You thought I was going to be like you," Karma said. "You thought I'd hurt Amy and leave her behind like you did to Trish."

It wasn't a question and Lauren was surprised there was no anger behind it.

"Not intentionally," she said. "But… let's be real," she said, looking at Karma. "You and intention aren't always that well acquainted."

Karma couldn't really argue.

"A friendship like you and Amy or me and Trish," Lauren said, "it's a recipe for disaster. It's like walking into a room full of gunpowder with a lit match. Sometimes, _most_ times, you're gonna walk back out just fine."

Most times.

But all it takes is one stray spark and then… fireworks.

"It was the day you two were elected Homecoming Queens. That was when I saw it," Lauren said. "The spark. When I was in the locker room and I heard you two talking about faking it."

Karma remembered.

 _Can't we just go back?_

 _What if I don't want to?_

If she'd thought about it that day (but why would she?) Karma probably would've seen it too, like Lauren did. The match was struck and the wind was blowing the powder up all around them and there was that spark, as plain as day.

Liam. Popularity. Being anything but so fucking ordinary.

It wasn't a spark. It was a lightning strike.

"You were trying to stop us," Karma said. "You were trying to stop us from repeating your history." Lauren said nothing, she just turned and stared into the flashing lights. "We thought you were trying to keep us in our 'place' and you were. But not because you were a bitch."

"Oh, I _am_ a bitch," Lauren said. "Just not because of _that_."

"You were trying to _protect_ us," Karma said. "Well, Amy _mostly_ , but still…"

And _that_ did it. That was the moment, the straw on the camel, the one line too far crossed.

Protecting Amy.

Lauren tugged her hand free of Karma's as the words settled in. That _was_ what she'd tried to do except now, here, in this moment, she was doing the one thing she knew would hurt Amy more than anything.

"We can't do this," she said, almost not believing she was saying it. "I know she's with Reagan and I know she made her choice, but Amy would do _anything_ for you. She'd _die_ for you."

And _that_ , Lauren knew, was exactly why finding out about this… whatever… she and Karma were?

It would _kill_ Amy.

"Lauren," Karma reached for the other girl's hand. She didn't want to hurt Amy either but Amy had made _her_ choice and that choice _wasn't_ Karma.

Lauren shook her head even as Karma's hand clasped hers. "No," she said. "I can't. _We_ can't. Doing this, _like_ this, it's asking for trouble. It's lighting a book of fucking matches

"Lauren…"

The blonde clutched Karma's hand. "No, Karma. We both know that Reagan or no Reagan, Amy's got feelings for you. Maybe she buried them. Maybe she stuffed them down where she can't even feel them. But they're _there_."

"Lauren…"

Lauren shifted in her seat, tugging on Karma's hand until the other girl scooted closer. "We _can't_ , Karma," she said as she pressed one soft ( _last_ ) kiss to Karma's lips. "As much as we both want to, we need to stop this now, before it's -"

"Too late," Karma finished and Lauren nodded. Karma held her hand tightly but she couldn't make eye contact. "No," she said. "I mean... it's _too late_."

Lauren looked at her in confusion until Karma nodded toward the window and the blonde turned.

Reagan. Staring right at them and the look on her face was one of bewilderment mixed with confusion mixed with anger mixed with something Lauren couldn't identify but really it didn't matter.

The match was struck. All that was left now was the fireworks.


	12. Chapter 12

This was awkward. And Lauren knew from awkward.

Telling your boyfriend that you're Intersex, especially when that boyfriend was too dumb to understand that _didn't_ mean you were a 'dude'? Awkward. Discovering that your step-sister really _was_ a lesbian by listening in on her getting her heart crushed? Awkward. Finding out your new boyfriend was cool with you being Intersex but you were _less_ cool with him being a cop? Awkward.

Sitting across the table from your step-sister's girlfriend who just caught you making out with her ex-fake-girlfriend-first-love in the front seat of your car?

That, Lauren thought, was somewhere _past_ awkward. She wasn't sure there was a word for it, at least not one with more than four letters and, judging by the look on Karma's face, Lauren wasn't alone in that feeling. But then, neither of them looked half as… something… (angry? sad? confused? some weird emotional combo platter?) as Reagan did.

And _that_ confused Lauren something fierce.

Reagan had done the same thing for most of the last five minutes. Glare at her. Glare at Karma. Back to Lauren. Back to Karma. It was glare ping pong and Lauren was getting whiplash. Reagan just sat there ( _glaring_ ) and drumming her fingers on the Ashcroft's kitchen table. She'd followed them there when they all agreed the middle of the street was _not_ the place for this discussion.

Karma had played hostess and gotten them all water. Lauren had thought about requesting a beer (she was pretty sure she'd need it) but Molly was there, bustling about, and so was Lucas, hanging on the periphery looking _so_ confused. Lauren could sympathize. Molly had put out a plate of some… _things_ … Lauren thought were supposed to be muffins ( _she_ wasn't going to be the one to find out for sure) and smiled politely, even managing to not say a word when she saw Karma's hand gently rubbing Lauren's back.

But then Lucas… oh, _poor poor_ Lucas, had tried making small talk. "It's so nice," he said, "to see Karma making some new friends. Not that she doesn't have friends." Lauren felt Karma's hand tense on her back. "I mean… _other_ friends. Nice ones. Not like that Booker boy." The redhead's hand fisted the fabric of Lauren's top. "I mean… um… so, do you all know Amy?"

Four sets of female eyes swung his direction and Lauren was sure ( _so_ sure) if Lucas hadn't stumbled backward out of the room, muttering something about needing to call Zen, their combined glares might have set him ablaze.

Molly had excused herself to go check on him and that had left the three of them alone in the kitchen, silently staring at each other over water and maybe-muffins and waiting for someone ( _anyone_ ) to be the first to talk. The silence hung over them, getting heavier by the moment, and Reagan's ping-ponging wasn't helping. Lauren hadn't felt her heart race like that since 'Kama, can I kiss you?' (and pretty much every kiss since, but she was _so_ not thinking about _that_ right now). She wanted to say something ( _anything_ ) but every thought that came to mind was too cliche (it's not what it looked like) or confrontational (what the _fuck_ business is it of _yours_ ) or pathetic (you don't _have_ to tell Amy, _really_ you don't).

And Lauren still had her pride. At least for the moment.

It was Reagan who finally broke the silence. "How long?"

Karma started to reply but the first word out of her mouth was 'How', as in 'how long what?' and Lauren just couldn't take _that_. She reached out and covered Karma's hand with her own, cutting the other girl off with a silent (but _firm_ ) ' _I've got this.'_

"Not long," Lauren answered. "Not until after your little movie theater plan blew up in your face."

She hadn't planned on the second part, _really_ she hadn't. But there was something… she couldn't put her finger on it. Something about the way Reagan's eyes had narrowed when she saw Lauren take Karma's hand or the way her hand (the one _not_ drumming on the table) clutched her water glass a little tighter. Something about it wasn't… _right_ … and it made Lauren want to poke the bear. Just a little.

Reagan was acting like the jilted lover, like she'd just caught _her_ girlfriend cheating and now she was finding out how deep it ran. Was it just sex (or as close as they'd come, which wasn't _that_ close, certainly not as close as Lauren would have liked and _fuck all_ she was _not_ thinking about _that_ now). Or was it something more, something deeper?

Was it love?

Lauren wasn't entirely sure she'd ever been in love (Tommy was a no, a _fuck no_ , and Theo.. that was too much pain for her to feel anything else). So she didn't have much to compare it to and it _really_ hadn't been _that_ long but there were definitely… possibilities there. Or there had been.

Reagan's voice snapped Lauren back to the table. "You told her about _that_?" She glared at Karma. "Fuck, Karma. Can you keep _anything_ a secret?"

"Been doing alright with _this_ , so far," Karma replied, clutching Lauren's hand tighter.

The blonde didn't say anything or react at all. She was too busy watching Reagan and there it was (even if she had no fucking idea what _it_ was just yet) but it was _there_ , on the older girl's face. When Karma made mention of keeping them a secret, something flashed across Reagan's face. It wasn't much, just a flicker of something. Half an eye roll. A twitch of an eyebrow. A tiny little bite of a lip.

It was _something_ , Lauren was sure. And when it came to Reagan and Karma and, now, _her_ , Lauren knew that 'something' was never a _good_ thing. "What's the problem, Reagan?" she asked. "I'd think this would make you happy?"

Reagan's glare bounced back from Karma to Lauren and the blonde guessed she could consider the bear good and poked. "Happy?" Reagan spat. " _Happy_? You think finding you two dry humping by the side of the road makes me happy?"

Lauren bit her tongue and didn't take the 'dry humping' bait (even with a perfectly barbed comment about there not being a _dry_ thing about it). She stayed calm and even keeled even as Karma was damn near squeezing her hand off. "Yes, Reagan, _happy_. Your main competition for Amy is off the market. I'd think that would be a load off your mind."

Reagan tried (oh how she tried) to hold Lauren's gaze, to not be the one to buckle. In her circles, Reagan _was_ the Lauren, the tough one, the badass bitch. But right then?

Nobody out-Laurens Lauren.

The older girl dropped her eyes to the table and shook her head. "Karma's not my competition," she said and the way she said it (resigned, haltingly, with a hint of heartbreak around the edges) made it pretty clear to all them that even Reagan didn't _really_ believe that.

"I'm _not_ ," Karma said and both of the other two girls turned to look at her. "Amy chose you," she said, "pretty definitively. And I've…" She paused to hunt for just the right word, the right phrasing. "I'm _trying_ ," she said, looking right at Lauren. There was a pleading in her voice but there was also a reassurance to it. A faint lilt of 'I'm _staying_ ' that made Lauren's stomach flip and if Reagan hadn't been sitting across the table, there'd have been much _less_ talking and much _more_ kissing and Lauren wasn't sure Reagan being there would be a deterrant all that much longer.

"Trying?" Reagan asked.

Karma nodded. "I'm trying to live with it and move on and it's all kinda new and different but... I _promise_. I'm not your competition for Amy. Not anymore."

Lauren didn't know who was more shocked, her or Reagan. Or maybe even Karma herself considering that she'd just basically thrown her lifelong _friendship-slash-fake relationship-slash-finally realized I was in love with her just in time for her to pick the other girl_ thing with Amy over in favor of the couple weeks old… thing… she had with the other girl who had, less than half an hour ago, broken…

Oh. Oh fuck.

Oh fuckity fuck fuck.

In all the shock and the stammering Lucas and maybe muffins and angry Reagans, Lauren had forgotten. She broke up with Karma.

 _We can't Karma. As much as we both want to…_

Yeah. That _was_ a break up. And that _was_ gonna sting for a bit but she'd have to deal with _that_ later and hope that maybe all the seemingly logical reasons she'd had would seem somewhat less logical (and if Karma's lips were involved, Lauren had a feeling they would) because right then and there, they had some slightly more pressing matters to attend to.

"So what are we going to do here?" Lauren asked. "Obviously, you don't want to keep secrets from Amy, but…"

Reagan laughed and Karma and Lauren looked at each other in confusion. She laughed hard and she laughed long and she rested her head on her hand as she shook with it. Karma shrugged and Lauren glared and, finally, the laughter petered out and Reagan took a long drink of her water.

"Feel like letting us in on the joke?" Karma asked.

"No joke," Reagan said. "It's just that you mentioned keeping secrets from Amy."

"Right," Lauren said. "I mean, I get that you probably don't want to. Lying to your girlfriend isn't the best plan if you want to keep your relationship healthy, I know."

Karma shook her head next to Lauren. "Secrets never end well," she said. "But this one… you wouldn't have to keep it forever."

"No?" Reagan asked, a bemused little smirk crossing her face and Lauren realized that the tables had turned and she hadn't even seen it. She was now the bear and Reagan, it seemed, was pretty adept at the poking.

"No," Lauren said and she wondered if the other two could hear the sadness in her voice. She hoped Karma did, at least. "We've already -"

"We've already started talking about how we're going to tell Amy," Karma said. She stared at Reagan, flat out ignoring the 'what the _fuck_ ' expression on Lauren's face but there was _no_ way she was going to let Lauren say the 'B' (broken) word. Not about _them_. Not yet.

"Well, _that's_ good then," Reagan said. "Just one problem."

Lauren turned back to the older girl, wishing in her head that there was _only_ one problem. "And what's that?"

"Amy," Reagan said with that same little smirk. "She already knows."


	13. Chapter 13

Amy knows.

Amy _knows._

The words rattled around in Karma's head and she stood there, just trying to let them sink in. She hoped, once they settled in and she'd had a moment to really grasp them,that maybe they wouldn't sound so bad.

Amy knows.

Nope. Still sounded bad. So very very bad. Like catastrophically bad, nuclear war bad, _Dance Moms_ cancelled bad.

 _I love you too, Amy, just not like that_ bad.

She instinctively drew closer to Lauren, whether for protection (the look on Reagan's face _was_ sort of evil) or comfort, Karma really couldn't say. What she could say, much to her great surprise, was that being closer to Lauren and feeling the tiny blonde's hand on hers _was_ reassuring.

And it also made Karma's heart race, like it always had (if you counted since Shane's party as _always_ ) and her tummy do flip flops and if just being _near_ Lauren could do that, even now?

That meant something. Karma had no idea what or the first fucking clue how to even start figuring it out. But she knew it meant _something._

And _that_ was something, right?

But still… those words…

Amy knows.

"Bullshit."

And then there was _that_ word. Karma and Reagan both stared at Lauren and even though Karma knew she was scared (and how exactly Karma knew that was another one of those 'figure it out later' things that seemed to be _all_ the things in her life lately) she still had that.. _Lauren_ look on her face.

Reagan didn't know her well enough to know that look. But Karma did. She'd seen it plenty of times. Like on the way back from Dallas or, even moreso, when Amy had 'accidentally' taken out the croquembouche. That was the first (and until lately, one of the only) times Karma could remember feeling bad for Lauren. She'd recognized that look for what it was. Someone covering up, hiding how they really felt behind a glare, behind a 'fuck with me and I will cut you' stare.

If there was one thing Karma understood, it was hiding.

"Bullshit ?" Reagan asked. " _Bullshit?"_

Lauren nodded. "Bullshit," she repeated. "Amy doesn't know anything about anything. There's no way she could."

Karma couldn't help hoping Lauren was right but Reagan seemed pretty sure. After all she'd said it. She'd said the words.

Amy knows.

And _fuck all_ could those words just shut the fuck up?

"If Amy knew," Lauren said, "she'd have said something by now. There's no way she'd be letting… _this…_ happen and not say anything."

Karma had to admit that made a certain amount of sense. It was logical. She couldn't imagine Amy not saying something about this. It was too big and too weird and too… Amy would probably say _wrong_ but Karma didn't think _that_ was right… for her to just stay silent. At least not the Amy she knew, though (and Karma _hated_ to admit it) that Amy didn't seem to be around as much anymore.

Lauren wasn't done. "You expect us to believe that Amy knows, hasn't said anything, and is just fine with all of… this?" Karma understood why Lauren said it, but she was kinda wishing the other girl would find another way to refer to them, other than… _this_.

"I never said she was fine with it," Reagan snapped. "She's anything but fine. The girl she… her first love... and her stepsister? _Nobody_ would be fine with that."

The 'Lauren Look' faltered for just a second and Karma only noticed because of all the time she'd spent recently studying the tiny blonde's face. But then she watched as that look, that mask, slipped right back into place.

"You may be dating her and fucking her, Reagan," Lauren said, "but I _live_ with her. If something was bothering her, I think I'd notice."

"And I know her better than both of you combined," Karma added. "You really think she could hide that from me? "

Lauren and Reagan both turned to her and the look on both their faces said almost the same thing.

 _Seriously?_

Reagan's glare asked it with a touch (or more than a touch) of anger and frustration and 'are you fucking kidding me?'. Lauren, for the first time Karma could ever remember, was looking at her and she almost seemed… amused. There was just a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of Lauren's lips and a giggle dancing behind her eyes and it was all Karma could do not to kiss her right then and there.

"OK," Karma said. "maybe she _could_ , but she's _not_ because she… she just _isn't_. So I'm with Lauren" (and even Karma didn't miss the flicker of something that crossed Reagan's face at her choice of words) . "I call bullshit."

Reagan stood up, slapping her hands against the table. "You can call bullshit all you want," she snapped. "Which is really fucking rich coming from the two of you, considering how much bullshit _you've_ been spreading lately."

Well.. She had a point there.

"But have either of you really spent more than five minutes with her lately?" Reagan asked, even though she knew the answer. If there was one thing Reagan was always aware of, it was how much time Amy and Karma spent together. "Have either of you even asked how she's doing or what's been going on with her? "

Karma jumped in before Lauren could answer. "Going on with her? Oh, talk about rich." Her voice was something like a snarl and she felt Lauren's hand tighten around hers. "The _only thing_ going on with Amy lately is _you_. "

Reagan took a small step back. Lauren saw it but Karma didn't and she just pushed on.

"Ever since you and your brilliant plan to 'fix' us and get her to break up with you for me, the only thing Amy's cared about is proving her love to _you_." There was anger in Karma's voice, as clear as could be and that anger (and the cause of it) was the one thing Reagan and Lauren both feared.

"Karma…" Reagan raised her hands in surrender, but Karma ignored her and stalked her way around the table, getting right up in the older girl's face.

" _You_ screwed up. _You_ made her feel like she had something to prove," Karma said. " _You_ kissed another girl in front of her, _you_ tried to trick her, and she ended up feeling like she had to devote herself to you and ignore everyone else just to make it up to you."

Lauren leaned against the table. This was what she'd feared, right from the beginning. From the the moment she'd asked permission, from the first second her lips had touched Karma's, _this_ was what she'd lived in fear of. Every single thing Karma had buried, every feeling she still had but had shoved aside because Amy had chosen.

"I never meant - "

Reagan tried to interject but Karma cut her off. "I don't care what you _meant,"_ she snapped. " _This_ is what is. _You're_ with Amy and if there's anything bothering her lately it sure as hell has more to do with _you_ than her knowing anything about _us_. And _I'm_ with Lauren and every single thing about that? Has. Nothing. To. Do. With. You."

"Karma look -"

"No." Karma said. She brushed past Reagan to the kitchen door,. "I'm not going to look. I'm not going to listen. You say Amy knows about us?" She didn't even wait for a response. "Good."

Lauren gasped and Reagan's eyes grew wide. "Good? "

Karma nodded. "Yes, _good_ , " she said. "If Amy knows, then we can stop sneaking and hiding. She pulled the door open. "I can let everyone see how great… how _wonderful..._ my girl is.

Lauren's hands gripped the edge of the table and she thought she might fall over.

 _My girl?_

"I spent weeks faking it, " Karma said. "Pretending I was with Amy and hiding my feelings for liam and then hiding my feelings for Amy and pretending I was OK." She gripped the door in her hand and glared at Reagan. "I'm tired of it. I'm sick of pretending that I don't have someone that makes me ridiculously turned on and even more ridiculously happy and I'm sick of hiding how fast and how hard I'm falling for her. So, yes, Reagan. Good. I'm glad Amy knows. Now do me a favor?" She pulled the door as wide as it could go. "Get the fuck out of my house."

Reagan opened her mouth to say something but then closed it again. She grabbed up her bag from next to the chair and hustled through the door, which Karma promptly slammed behind her.

"She is so full of - "

Karma's words were cut off by Lauren''s lips crashing against hers as the surprisingly strong girl pressed her up against the door. The blonde's hands were clutching hers and the kiss was feverish and passionate and Karma's knees were going weak.

Lauren broke the kiss and pulled back, looking Karma in the eyes. "Alone, " she said.

Karma couldn't even think, just stammered a "What? "

Lauren smiled and stepped back, still holding Karma's hands. "Your girl, " she said, the words sounding so good she had to repeat them. "Your girl needs you alone. Right. Fucking. Now. "

Kamas eyes widened as it all clicked, what she'd said, what she'd revealed, and what Lauren was saying. What Lauren wanted.

Her.

Fuck.

She pulled Lauren back to her and kissed her, hard, her hands slipping from the blonde's grasp and finding their way, as they always did, to Lauren's ass. She knew Lucas and Molly would be headed out to the farmer's market in just a few minutes and that could take _hours._

Karma broke the kiss and tipped her forehead against Lauren's. "Well," she said, turning and leading the other girl toward the stairs. "What my girl wants? My girl _gets. '_


	14. Chapter 14

Karma panicked.

Well… _technically_ … the door to her bedroom shut behind her. And then (just in case),she clicked the lock. And then she looked at Lauren, perched on the end of her bed, leaning back on her elbows looking perfect and ready and sexy and ready and hot and _ready…_

And did she mention _ready_?

Of course she did.

So there was door shutting and lock clicking and ready Lauren and _then_ Karma panicked. And she panicked _hard_. Sweaty palms and wobbly knees and racing heart and dry mouth and why, _oh why_ , did Lauren have to look so _good_ and Karma couldn't even see her ass and everyone knew _that_ was her _favorite_ part and oh… _fuck_.

She couldn't breathe and she couldn't move and she was pretty sure both of those were kinda necessary for _this_ and, for the life of her, Karma couldn't understand why she was so panicked.

Because Lauren was a _girl_?

Maybe, she thought. But probably not. Karma had often wondered about when or _if_ this sort of thing ever happened to her (and, in her really honest moments, she knew it was a _when_ and not an _if_ because no one had quite so much… gay… in their lives without there being some point to it all, you know smoke and fire and all that.)

Maybe, she thought, it wasn't because Lauren was a girl but because she wasn't _the_ girl.

That was a little more reasonable since every time Karma had thought about the when of it all it was always _Amy_ on the bed, _Amy_ leaning back, her back arched and her chest pressed forward and those six-mile-long legs splayed out in front of her, just waiting.

Except Karma wasn't thinking about Amy and she wasn't picturing Amy and, in fact, she couldn't even _see_ Amy in her head right that moment. All she could see and hear and _feel_ (even from across the room) was _Lauren_ , which was good because Lauren was the one who was there and Lauren was the one who wanted her and, most importantly?

 _Lauren_ was the one _Karma_ wanted. And if she'd had any doubts about that (and she really hadn't) those doubts had long been erased by the sight of Lauren on her bed and by the tiny little strip of bare belly peeking out over the top of her jeans that Karma couldn't stop staring at or wondering what it tasted like.

And that wasn't making her panic, though it was making her palms sweat (and other parts pretty wet too) and her heart race, but all that was normal around Lauren, and _that_ was still so fucking weird but so fucking good all at once.

Karma didn't get it, none of it made sense. It wasn't like this was the first time she had done _this_ or at least something _like_ this. Which, she realized then (as she stared at Lauren _on her bed_ ) that maybe she was assuming a little too much. Maybe the _this_ she thought they were there for wasn't the _same_ this Lauren thought they were there for and maybe (so _not_ maybe) that was something they should have clarified earlier.

Like before the shutting door and clicking lock and Lauren _on the bed_ like she belonged there.

Karma cleared her throat (but not her mind) and stepped into the room. _Her room_ and that should have made her at least a little more comfortable about the whole thing. They were on familiar ground, the place she felt safest in the entire world (except for, maybe, Amy's room and she was so not thinking of _that_ or _her_ right now.) _This_ , whichever this it was, should have been a piece of cake.

"I did it in a thunderbox, for God's sake," she muttered before realizing she'd said it out loud and clapping a hand over her mouth as every bit of blood in her body rushed to her face. Karma stood there, halfway between the door and Lauren (and the bed), caught in a strange kind of no man's land (and wasn't _that_ appropriate) and she couldn't move not even to turn and run, which suddenly seemed like a very good idea.

"Karma," Lauren said, grabbing the redhead's attention. She scooted over on the edge of the bed and patted the spot next to her. "Calm down," she said. "Sit." Karma found her voice just enough to start fumbling through some excuse about her legs needing a good stretch and Lauren glared. " _Sit_ ," she said again.

Karma sat.

(and silently hoped Lauren was planning to use _that_ tone when they did _this_ cause… _damn_.)

Lauren reached out a hand and set it on Karma's knee (the one jiggling about a thousand miles an hour), just below the hem of her skirt, on her bare skin and Karma felt an immediate rush, like an electric current that ran from her knee to her heart and her fingertips and up through her neck and over her ears and between her legs and fuck, _that_ was _new_.

She turned to Lauren and the blonde leaned in and kissed her. It was soft and slow and gentle and it reminded Karma of their first kiss, the one she'd never seen coming.

"I still don't know," she said softly, her words murmuring against Lauren's lips. She brought a hand up and cupped Lauren's cheek because she _needed_ more contact but she wasn't quite ready for the contact she _wanted_.

"Don't know what?" Lauren asked as she turned into the touch, letting a kiss drag slowly across Karma's palm and, for the splittest of split seconds, sucking one of Karma's fingers between her lips.

Karma let out a low moan and Lauren smiled before kissing her again. "Why I said yes," Karma said between kisses. "That night at the party. I'm glad I did, but I don't know why."

Lauren leaned back and Karma was afraid she'd said the wrong thing (like she _ever_ did that) but then the tiny blonde smiled again. "I don't know why I _asked_ either," she said. Her eyes dropped to the bed, to the little, tiny bit of Karma's duvet that was visible between them. "Does that bother you?"

Karma shook her head. "Only thing bothering me is that you're not kissing me," she said _and that you're still dressed and that I'm not panicked anymore just because you touched me and that_ should _scare the fuck out of me_.

But it didn't.

Lauren's eyes popped back up and Karma could see the laughter dancing in them before she heard it. "Smooth, Ashcroft. _So_ smooth."

It was Karma's turn to lean in this time, kissing Lauren hard and slowly steering her down onto her back. She leaned over the older girl and smiled. "Oh, I'm plenty smooth," she said. "And you're gonna find out all about _that_."

* * *

Karma never would have told _anyone_ (because, really, Amy was the only she would even think of telling and _that_ was _never_ going to happen) but sex with Liam had been…

OK.

Good, sometimes?

Kinda?

So maybe she didn't have much to compare it too, besides her own fingers and that one toy she'd… appropriated… from Shane that night in Amy's garage when they'd taken those blackmail shots of Tommy. But it had felt good, once she got used to it, and Liam was… attentive. For all his fuckboy characteristics (and there were _many_ ), he'd actually been a very considerate lover.

But now Karma knew different. She would never think of Liam as a lover again. A fuck buddy, maybe. A hook up, probably. A massive mistake that she never should have made and would spend the rest of her life wondering what the _fuck_ she had been thinking, definitely.

But not a _lover_. Because what he had done, what _they_ had done? That was sex. And _this_ , this thing she was doing with Lauren even though they were both (frustratingly) still fully clothed and Karma's hands had only (far too) briefly brushed over Lauren's breasts through her shirt and Lauren had only dropped a few ( _too_ few) kisses below Karma's neckline. _This_ wasn't sex.

Karma hated the phrase making love (it reminded her of the soap operas her mother had watched for years) and neither one of them had said the 'L' word yet (though, if Lauren was _this_ good with her tongue up _here_? Karma knew she couldn't be held accountable for what she might say when it was down _there_ ) but there was more to this than there had ever been with Liam.

And her bed was a hell of a lot more comfortable than that fucking thunderbox, so that probably helped.

Lauren trailed a slow path of kisses down her neck and Karma tipped her head, giving the blonde free reign. Her hands had, finally, found Lauren's ass again, squeezing gently through the other girl's jeans as she moaned softly. Karma let her hands wander a bit, moving to Lauren's hips and she tugged the tiny blonde closer, pulling Lauren on top as she rolled onto her back, the motion causing her skirt to ride up as one of Lauren's legs slipped between hers, one jean clad thigh pressing against her.

" _Fuck_ ," Karma hissed, her back arching as Lauren moved against her. She groaned deep in her throat and pulled Lauren up, pressing them together even more and letting her tongue slide along the older girl's lips. She gripped Lauren's hips for dear life, steering her lover's movements and grinding against her thigh.

Lauren leaned back suddenly and froze, every part of her going still. Karma opened her eyes and looked up at her before Lauren untangled herself and hopped up and paced across the room. "Lauren?" Karma asked. She was confused. Everything had been going well ( _very_ well) but now the other girl was over _there_ and she was over _here_ and yes, Karma had limited experience in doing _this_ but she was pretty sure it required both of them to be in the same spot.

Even her lesbian binders had said so.

Karma started to stand but Lauren held up a hand to stop her. But then she _still_ didn't say anything and just kept pacing back and forth in front of the bedroom door. Karma didn't know if she was going to run, stay, or scream. There was a look on Lauren's face that she couldn't quite place and she knew _a lot_ of Lauren's looks (mostly the glares and Lauren had a _wide_ assortment of those) and, of late, more than a few of the 'that feels really good' and 'don't ever stop doing that' variety.

This was _different_. It was odd but kinda familiar but Lauren wouldn't stop pacing and wouldn't look right at her and Karma was starting to get dizzy from the back and forth. "Lauren," she said again. "Talk to me? Did I do something wrong? I don't think I did but I don't _know_ , I mean I've never done this with a girl -"

"I've never done it at all," Lauren said softly and she stopped pacing but still wouldn't look at Karma. "Tommy wouldn't and Theo and I… we just… and I've never…"

"Never?" Karma asked, trying to keep the surprise out of her voice. She'd always assumed that at least _Tommy_ … Lauren shook her head emphatically and Karma wondered just how _never_ 'never' was. "But you've… you know… by yourself?"

Lauren hung her head and Karma watched as she squeezed her eyes shut, her whole body tensing as she fought the tears (the _sobs_ ) off. She shook her head. "I.. can't," she said. "I mean, I _can_ , I know _how_ and the parts are all there, but then I think of the things people say, like Tommy and 'my girlfriend's a dude' and I just… _can't_."

In her entire life, Karma had never wanted to kill anyone quite as much as she wanted to kill Tommy in that moment.

"It's stupid," Lauren said. "I _know_ it is. I know what I am… _who_ I am… and I know what I'm _not_ and I'm not a dude or a sort of dude or a kind of dude or… I'm _not_." She ran both hands through her hair, pushing it back and out of her face. "But every time I try…" She let out a long deep shuddering breath. "It's not like I haven't _wanted_ to. I probably wouldn't have with Tommy cause, well, _Tommy_. But Theo… or even alone… and sometimes I get so worked up, like whenever you kiss me… and I try."

Lauren tipped her head back and stared at the ceiling, willing gravity to keep the tears away.

"I try and I fail," she said. "I can't get out of my own head and I keep worrying and thinking about it, about whether I'll even be able…" She turned away from Karma, bringing a hand to her mouth to muffle the sobs finally came and she shook with the force of them. "And when I _felt_ you, just now," she said. "On my leg, even through my jeans and you were so… and I..."

She'd known this was a bad idea, she'd known she'd never be able to go through with it but Karma had said that stuff about falling and her girl and kicked Reagan to the curb and Lauren had thought…

"I _didn't_ ," she stammered through her tears. "I didn't think or we wouldn't be here and I… I have to go. I'm sorry."

She bolted for the door but she'd forgotten Karma had locked it and she couldn't figure it out through the tears and she just kept twisting the knob but it wouldn't move and _fuck_ she couldn't _be here_ and why wouldn't the fucking thing _just open?_

And then Karma was there, her hand covering Lauren's on the knob and Lauren couldn't look at her, she _wouldn't_ because she knew what she'd see. Pity. Guilt. That look of someone who knew what she should do but she couldn't. The same look she'd seen in Tommy's eyes when she'd told him and the same one she saw in Theo's when they broke up and Lauren was strong, stronger than any of them ever gave her credit for.

But she wasn't _that_ strong. Not again.

Karma leaned down and Lauren was sure she was going to _make_ her look but she wouldn't let that happen, she'd _die_ and she squeezed her eyes shut as she felt Karma's other hand brush her hair back and then she felt Karma's warm breath on her ear.

"Stay," Karma whispered. "Stay with me. We don't have to _do_ anything. I won't even kiss if you don't want me to," she said. "Just… stay. Please."

"Why?" Lauren asked.

Karma rested her head against Lauren's and the blonde could feel the tears on the younger girl's cheeks.

"Because," Karma said. "Because if you think falling for you means fucking you, then you're wrong. And if you think I can't be happy curling up with you in that bed and holding you for the rest of the day, you're wrong. And if you think I give even one tiny little fuck about whether you're as wet as I am right now or whether or not I'm ever going to make you scream my name and cum like a fucking freight train?"

Lauren refused to look and refused to smile but she leaned into Karma just a little. "I'd be wrong?"

"No," Karma said and then Lauren's eyes did pop open and she looked at the younger girl and she couldn't help cracking a (tiny) smile at the cheeky grin on Karma's face. "You'd be right about that," she said. "But we've got time and, despite what everyone thinks, I can be very, very patient, especially when it's something that matters to me."

Lauren turned and let Karma wrap her up in her arms and even though she knew the answer, she asked anyway. "And _I_ matter?"

Karma kissed the top of Lauren's head and held her tight. "Of course you do," she whispered to her. "Didn't you hear? You're my girl."


	15. Chapter 15

When she'd said she could be happy curling up with Lauren in the bed and holding her for the rest of the day, Karma had meant it.

Of course, _rest of the day_ had been a figure of speech and she really hadn't meant the _entire_ day, like past dinner and into the evening and if Lauren didn't wake up soon she was going to be spending the night and while Karma wasn't _opposed_ , necessarily, that would raise some… _questions_ for some… _people_.

And by questions she totally meant ' _what the fuck is my sister doing in your bed all fucking night?'_ and by people she totally meant _Amy_ and even if Reagan was right (and Karma still had her doubts) and Amy already knew… well, knowing was different than _knowing_ and Lauren spending the night (something no one _but_ Amy had ever done) was definitely _knowing_ and Karma wasn't sure how she felt about that.

And that sudden overwhelming feeling (bubbling up from the pit of her stomach and the bottoms of her feet and all points _in between)_ that she was about to find out _exactly_ how she felt about that probably _should_ have made her nervous, at the very least, or outright fucking panicked at the most.

But she'd used up her panic for the day and somehow ( _somehow_ ) the feeling of Lauren in her arms and the tiny blonde's soft and steady breathing against her neck and the way her hands were resting gently on Karma's legs, one of them always finding it's way to just below her skirt, wasn't just making her wet.

( _Just_ )

it was also soothing and calming and Karma had no idea how someone ( _Lauren_ ) could work her up so much, could drive her to the point of sexual desperation and yet still make her feel so at peace all at once. She had a fleeting moment of wonder - had she done that for _Amy_ , however unintentionally? - but she pushed that out of her mind because that was _then_ and this was _now_ and she was with _her girl_ and that was all that mattered.

"Except it's not."

Karma's head snapped around and she stared at the door and it wasn't locked anymore ( _clearly_ ) and it wasn't closed anymore (which went hand in hand with the not locked bit) and it wasn't empty. And she had another fleeting moment of wonder - could doorways really be _empty_ since they couldn't actually _hold_ anything, not like a box or a bucket or a swimming pool, cause all those could _totally_ hold things -

"Karma."

Amy's voice (still coming from the not so empty doorway) snapped her back to reality and _that_ was probably (so _not_ probably) the _last_ place Karma wanted to be, but there she was.

On her bed. Wrapped around Lauren. Clearly turned on (cause it wasn't chilly in her room _at all_.) Looking at her best friend in the doorway to her room, calmly sipping on one of Molly's smoothies and Karma wasn't exactly sure what part of this picture was more _wrong_.

"I… um… can...uh…"

Karma shut her eyes and wondered exactly what supreme being she had pissed off that _this_ was the moment she lost the power of coherent speech.

"You can?" Amy asked as she stepped into the room. The blonde shut the door behind her and Karma heard the lock click (as loud as a fucking gunshot and that was _so_ not the imagery she really needed running through her head right then) and then Amy leaned against the door, crossing her ankles and sipping on her smoothie. "You can _what_ , Karms? Explain? Make this make sense? Tell me all about it so I understand and don't hate her _and_ you - and trust me, _one_ of those ships has already sailed, sunk, and the wreck's been found by James Cameron and he's making a film about it - or can you just… _not_? Cause you do seem a little… tongue tied."

Amy cocked her head to the side and Karma couldn't read her eyes and that had _never_ happened not even when Amy was lying to her on a daily basis and talk about shoes and other feet and Karma knew she was _royally_ , _monumentally_ , _unquestionably_ fucked.

"Amy… I… you see… we… I mean… Lauren and I -"

Amy straightened up against the door, the straw of her smoothie clenched between her teeth and Karma suddenly found that she _could_ read her best friend's eyes.

And she really wished she couldn't.

"So you're a… _we_ … now?" Amy spat and Karma hadn't heard that kind of venom in her voice since… well… since…

 _I saw him. Crawling out from under the table like a cockroach._

Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck.

Karma had never thought she'd need a word worse than fuck before. She was rapidly rethinking _that_. That and a lot of other things (not the least of which was her need for a much better bedroom lock and parents who didn't let just _anyone_ wander upstairs unannounced.)

"But I'm not just _anybody_ , Karma," Amy said. "At least I didn't think I was, but since I'm apparently the last to know about the new… _we_ … in town… _I_ may have to rethink _that_."

Karma closed her eyes and hung her head and it took all of about three seconds for her to realize how bad an idea _that_ was because hanging her head put her nose in Lauren's hair and her lips within striking distance of the girl's ( _her girl's_ ) forehead and she even though she had no intention _at all_ of kissing Lauren right then and there (Karma was many things but _that_ stupid wasn't one of them) the sight of it was still…

Intimate.

And intimate + pissed off Amy + cup full of whatthefuckeverberry smoothie?

That was _so_ not a winning equation.

The cup splattered against the wall behind Karma's bed and she thanked her lucky stars (which, to that point, has seemingly blinked right the fuck out of existence) that _whatever_ Amy had been drinking it was one of Molly's thicker recipes and it stuck to the wall and slowly oozed, rather than erupting everywhere and coating her and Lauren in its smoothie insides.

"I suppose if I told you to get out of the bed and away from… _her_ … you wouldn't listen, would you?" Amy asked but then she went right on, not even giving Karma a chance to answer. "Of course you wouldn't. I mean, it wouldn't be like it was the first time I wanted… or _needed_ … you to stay the hell away from someone and you did pretty much the exact opposite, would it?"

Karma rolled her eyes. Oh, for fuck's sake… _really_? _Liam_? Why did it always come back to _him_?

"Because you _always_ came back to… or for… or _with_ … _him_ , Karma," Amy said. "Because he was your white whale, although, I have to say, having been _with_ him? Whale is _generous_."

Karma tried, as gently as possible, to extricate herself from the tangles that were her and Lauren but it was like the more she pulled the harder the tiny blonde hung on and Lauren's grip was like quicksand and Karma found herself getting pulled in and while, normally (like _any of this_ was normal) she wouldn't mind that _at all_ , the tighter Lauren's embrace got, the angrier Amy seemed and she might not have had a smoothie anymore but Karma sensed that was somehow only going to make it worse.

"Maybe," Amy said, taking one long step closer to the bed, "I should just ask my _sister_ to get out of the bed. Maybe I should forget asking _you_ since we all know how well _that_ works and just ask my _family_ to help me out."

 _You're my family_

Oh, this was so not going to end well. This wasn't going to end anywhere in the zip code of _well_ and Karma kept pulling and Lauren kept holding and Amy kept coming closer, step-by-step.

"You think _she'd_ listen to me, Karma?" Amy asked. She was right next to the bed then, leaning against it, towering over both of them and Karma had no earthly idea how Lauren was sleeping through this but she really wished she was too. "You think if I asked _Lauren_ to give _you_ up, for the sake of our family, do you think she would?"

Karma swallowed hard and blinked her eyes as the sudden realization of exactly what Amy was asking sank in. Amy (and Farrah and Bruce) were, really, when she thought about it, _all_ Lauren had. Sure, there was Shane (and Lauren would _kill_ her for even suggesting _that_ ) and her minions but when it came right down to it, the only people Lauren really _had_ in Austin (besides _her_ ) were the ones she lived with.

Her family. For better or worse, that was what they were.

And that was a choice Karma didn't think she would win. Or _should_.

"Don't," she said softly. "Just… don't, OK?'

"Don't?" Amy asked. "That a request or a demand, _Karms_? Cause I don't think you're in any position -"

"I'll do it," Karma said, cutting Amy off in midstream. "I'll end it. I'll break up with her or call it off or whatever the hell you want to call it. Just don't… you're all she has."

Amy glared down at Karma and the redhead felt something inside her die at that look, a look she'd never imagined seeing from Amy (though she suspected Amy had seen it from _her_ , once upon a time.) "Seems like she _has_ a whole lot more than just _me_ ," Amy snapped.

There was no point in arguing _that_ , so Karma stuck with her offer. "I told you," she said. "I'll end it, OK?"

Karma felt the bed shift beneath her as Amy climbed onto it, knees first, leaning down over them, her face close enough that Karma could feel _her_ breath and there was nothing soft and steady about _that_.

"You would do _that_?" Amy asked. "You would give her up so she could keep our dysfunctional little mess of a family?"

Karma nodded. "Yes," she said. "I'll give her up and I'll give you up if that's what you need, just… don't do that to her, OK?" There was something behind Amy's eyes, behind the anger and the rage (and those were two very _distinct_ things), something Karma thought she knew and, maybe, could appeal to. "If you have _anything_ left in your heart for me, and I wouldn't blame you if you didn't, then please. Forgive her. For _me_."

Amy held her ground, not moving so much as an inch but she didn't have to. Karma could see it all, she could see it all playing across Amy's face and in her eyes and then, as sudden as a hiccup, _it_ was there and Karma saw _it_ and she knew Amy was going to do _it_ before she did.

Before Amy leaned in and kissed her and kissed her _soundly_ , her hands coming up and cupping Karma's cheeks and her tongue swiping against Karma's lips, seeking entrance and Karma made the (rookie) mistake of opening her mouth to protest and Amy pressed her advantage and Karma felt the blonde's tongue on hers and she couldn't help moaning as Amy's hands dropped from her cheeks and found her breasts and oh… _fuck_ …

"Karma."

It was wrong. So fucking wrong.

"Karma."

She didn't want Amy like this, not anymore and it wasn't _her_ Karma was responding to, anyway, she reasoned, it was just her hands and her tongue and _fuck_ Reagan must have been a _good_ teacher.

"Karma."

But Lauren was right there and why the _hell_ was she still not waking up and oh… _shit…_ Amy's mouth was sliding down and replacing her hands and her tongue, even through the fabric of Karma's top… oh… oh…

 _Fuck_.

"Karma!"

She shot straight up in bed, her head snapping back and forth and her eyes ricocheting around the room from the window to the door (the door _someone_ was banging on) and there was no one there, no _Amy_ anyway because _Lauren_ was still there and sleeping soundly and it had all been a dream and Karma didn't know whether to cry or let out a victory whoop or roll Lauren over and wake her up and fuck her till she couldn't walk.

(she was leaning toward the last one cause dream Amy had known _what the fuck she was doing_ )

And then there was the banging again and her name from the other side of the door and it wasn't Amy (thank _God_ or _Goddess_ or _whoever_ ), it was her mother.

"Karma!" Molly's voice echoed through the wood of the door. "You _need_ to get up right now," she said. "Amy's downstairs."


	16. Chapter 16

Amy was downstairs in the kitchen, leaning against the counter with her ankles crossed in an uncomfortably Dream Amy kinda positions. But there was no smoothie in sight.

Karma checked. Twice.

Amy was in her kitchen and Lauren was in her bed and Karma was _sure_ she was in one of the lower circles of hell. One reserved for people who (almost) fucked their soulmate's stepsister.

Soulmate.

Yeah, like she knew what the _fuck_ that meant.

Amy stood there, leaning against the counter and Karma, for the first time in her life, found herself utterly and completely speechless. It wasn't for lack of anything to say. There was _too_ much. Did she get out in front of it and confess all? Did she pretend and wait for Amy to make a move (and hope, sorta, that said move was _not_ pinning her against the wall and using her tongue like Dream Amy had.) Did she run away and lock her bedroom door and huddle under the duvet with Lauren and pretend they were the only two people left in the world.

Karma caught sight of the look in Amy's eyes and, for the briefest of brief moments, she _was_ Dream Amy and yeah, that whole hiding under the covers option was sounding mighty good.

In the end, Karma settled for simple and calm (on the _outside_ ) and she stood across the room, keeping Molly's little rolling kitchen island between them. "Hey," she said. Friendly, casual, non-committal. Perfect.

"Hey," Amy said back and Karma had to bite her tongue to keep from apologizing and begging forgiveness and declaring that it was none of Amy's business all at once. They were off to a roaring start but there were no exploring tongues or roaming hands and her nipples were still untouched and Karma was totes counting that as a win.

And if that wasn't oddest criteria for a win, _ever_ …

"So… um… what's up?" Karma asked, leaving off the 'besides, you know, me and Lauren and you and Reagan and what you may or not may know about all of the above if, you know, this was a test and the answers were listed and so one could be above another and…

For fuck's sake. Her _rambles_ had rambles.

"I was kinda hoping we could talk," Amy said. And unlike Dream Amy she made no move toward Karma so maybe she really did mean _talk_.

And that was a relief. _And_ a bit of a let down.

Yup. Circle of Hell.

"Sure," Karma said, still leaning on the island like it had become a part of her and she was gripping it hard enough that she imagined it _might_ actually be fused to her. "Anything in particular? School? The weather? Presidential election? I know we're supposed to be all about Hillary but I gotta say, I'm kinda feeling the Bern, though either of them would _obviously_ be better than -"

"I broke up with Reagan."

There was a time when Karma would have killed to hear that. When she might have _died_ to hear it, when she would have definitely sold a kidney on the black market (maybe even one of _hers_ ), when she would have done a little victory dance right there in the kitchen and then pushed the island out of the way, shoved Amy up against the counter and kissed her till neither of them could breathe.

 _That_ time was somewhere between the tears she cried into her popcorn and 'can I kiss you?' and _long_ before 'you're my girl' and Lauren asleep in her bed (and Karma took a quick look behind her cause Lauren was sneaky quiet and the last thing any of them needed was the tiny blonde slipping up behind her) and so, _now,_ well past _that_ time, she stayed rooted to her spot and she kept both kidneys and there was no dancing and _definitely_ no kissing.

"You did?" she asked and Amy nodded and took a step away from the counter which was a step _toward_ Karma and the redhead remembered Dream Amy all too well and she shifted, rolling the island a little to the left, keeping it between them. "Why did you do that? I thought you two were happy?"

 _It's you, Reagan. It's always been you and it always will be. And no matter what I have to do, I'll prove it to you._

So fucking happy.

Amy stopped moving and she stared at the floor as she shoved her hands in her pockets. "She just… it wasn't… and I felt like…" She shook her head, trying to clear maybe come up with an actual _complete_ thought. "I didn't love her," she said, finally. "And I wasn't going to, so it seemed like the right thing to do."

Karma nodded, because again there were too _many_ words fighting to get out (words like 'why _now_?' and 'did she tell you?' and 'do you know and if you do why haven't you said anything?' and 'you couldn't have figured this out in the fucking movie theater?') and she didn't trust her mouth _or_ her brain, so silence seemed the best plan.

"Way I see it," Amy said, "Reagan and I were hot and hot kisses and sexy makeouts and sneaking around are all _great_. But they're nothing compared to being with someone you love."

Amy looked up then and stared right into Karma's eyes and Karma's _hands_ slipped from the edge of the island and she stumbled forward, bumping it to the right before grabbing ahold of it again. "You and Reagan had to sneak around?"

Amy shook her head. "No," she said. " _We_ didn't."

 _Amy already knows_

Score one for Reagan, Karma thought. And score like a negative one thousand cause she got dumped.

Karma tried to feel bad. But not too hard.

"Well, that… sucks," she said. "I'm sorry Aimes. I know you really wanted things to work out this time."

Amy took another couple steps forward, resting her hands on the other side of the island. "I did," she said. "But sometimes… I don't think we know what we _really_ want until we get something… _less_ , you know?"

Karma didn't say anything and she didn't move. Not even when Amy's hands slipped across the island and rested on top of hers. Dream Amy had been a little more _overt_ but Real Amy wasn't exactly subtle.

Even Karma could pick up what she was laying down. Though she didn't _really_ pick it up. She got it, but she left it right where she found it.

"Sometimes," Amy said, "we have to try things out and… _experiment_ … a little, even if whatever we're doing turns out to be... not so real. You know, so we're ready when when the re -"

"And sometimes," Karma cut her off, pulling her hands out from under Amy's. "Sometimes the 'not so real' turns out to be a lot more real than you thought." She took a step back from the island and then another, stopping only when her back bumped into the wall. "Sometimes it ends up being pretty great and yeah, not without its challenges, but… worth it." She brought her gaze straight to Amy's. "So _very_ worth it."

Amy slid the island out of her way and took three quick steps to Karma. She didn't pin her against the wall or even touch her, but she was so close Karma could feel her breath on her skin and she could see the way Amy's pupils dilated as she stared (just a little too long to be anything but intentional) at Karma's lips.

"Maybe it seems that way now," Amy said. "But what if that's only because you haven't had the _real_ thing yet? What if that's because you don't know how good it _could_ be?"

Amy's hands slipped onto the wall on either side of Karma, effectively trapping her though Karma had to admit it was kinda impossible to trap the willing.

Or the _maybe_ willing.

"It's never been _real_ , Karma," Amy said, "not for you and me. Not at the same time." Karma had never heard _that_ tone before and as much as she didn't want it to, her body responded and _fuck all_ if this is what a few _months_ with Reagan could do for someone like Amy, maybe she and Lauren should hunt Reagan down and ask if she wanted to be in a thruple…

Lauren. Body responding or not, Karma's mind (and heart) didn't seem like they wanted to wander too far. Not from her.

Not from _Lauren_.

Karma ducked down and slipped out from under Amy's arms and scooted across the kitchen, leaning against the table, talking even as Amy made to follow her. "Maybe not," she said as Amy drew closer. "Maybe it's never been real for _you_ and _me_ but that doesn't mean it isn't real for…" She squeezed her eyes shut. This was it. " _Us_."

Amy stopped. She froze. She stalled out like the Good Karma truck when Lucas flooded the engine and it took a good day and a half to get it moving again.

Karma didn't think she'd have that much time.

"Us," Amy said. "So you're an… _us_ … now?"

Shit.

Karma discreetly pinched herself, hoping she'd wake up and Lauren would be there next to her and she could just snuggle up next to her and _this_ would have all been a dream. _Again_.

"Pinch yourself all you want, _Karms_ ," Amy muttered. "This is no dream. A nightmare, maybe, but that would be _mine_ anyway."

"Amy," Karma said, her heart breaking for her best friend. "This isn't how I wanted -"

"Of course it is," Amy snapped. " _This_ is exactly how you wanted it. You and Reagan and your little plan in the theater didn't work. She gave up. But not you. No, not Karma. You _never_ give up on a plan, not until it _works_."

"That's not what this is," Karma said. "We are not a plan. We are -"

"Stop!" Amy yelled. "Stop saying 'we'. There is no fucking _we_. There's a you. And there's a her. And there's a me."

"And until like an hour ago there was a _Reagan_ ," Karma hollered right back. "A Reagan you _chose_. A Reagan you vowed to prove yourself to. A Reagan you _loved_."

"Because I couldn't… because you weren't… and now, you apparently are… and…" Amy ran her hands through her hair and tugged at it, like she was going out of her mind which, Karma figured, she probably was. " _Fuck. It._ " she said and she took those last few steps and clutched Karma's cheeks in her hands and kissed her.

Dream Amy's kiss had been hard and unyielding and demanding, her tongue like an invading army, claiming territory and winning hearts and minds and it had made Karma's heart race and her palms sweat and had soaked her to the point where Dream Amy had already fucking won.

Real Amy?

That was different.

Real Amy's kiss was slow and soft and her tongue was tentative (almost fucking shy) and her hands stayed put, just barely touching the soft skin of Karma's cheeks and Karma could feel _it_ , she could feel every bit of love Amy had for her _and_ every bit of raw, naked need, the sort of thing that only came from loving someone for so long and finally having your moment.

But that was all it was. A moment.

Karma put her hands on Amy's arms and pushed her back (and it _was_ a struggle, when Amy's lips left hers, not to chase after them, but Karma held her ground.) "No," she said. "Just… no."

Amy stepped back and Karma could see it, could see it _all_ \- the life, the air, the hope, the _everything_ \- just drain out of her and all Karma wanted to do was take her in her arms and promise it would be OK.

But she didn't want to lie. Not anymore.

"I thought it was Reagan," Amy said softly. She took another step back and stumbled but brushed Karma's hand away when she reached to help. "I thought it was Reagan because it _couldn't_ be you, even with your stupid plan because that was just you thinking you were going to lose me."

Karma didn't argue. That would have been missing the point.

"But then I realized _I_ might lose _you_ ," Amy said. "When I saw you kissing that… _her_ … I just couldn't…" Amy took another step, this one _toward_ Karma and whatever she had lost, it seemed to be filling her back up again with every word. "It's all so clear now. It's you, Karma, and it always has been and always will be." Amy leaned in and Karma tried to move but the blonde caught her by the arms and held her as she pressed one soft kiss to the redhead's cheek. "No matter what it takes," Amy whispered against Karma's skin. "I'll prove it to you. I'll prove to you that the only real we is _you_ and _me_."

Karma didn't get the chance to ask Amy if she even heard herself, if she even recognized the words coming out of her mouth and how much - how _exactly_ much - they sounded like the ones from the theater. The ones that had broken her heart. She never got the chance to ask because Amy was already out the door and gone and Karma was left there, alone.

Except for the tiny blonde who'd watched the whole thing from the stairs.


	17. Chapter 17

It wasn't hard for Lauren to slip out of Karma's house. She darted back upstairs as soon as Amy was out the door and was waiting, on the edge of Karma's bed, excuse at the ready.

"Farrah called, looking for me," she said as Karma came back into the room and Lauren knew that _never_ would have worked for Amy but it was perfect for her.

Even if she didn't really _need_ it.

Karma was too distracted to really hear her, much less understand. Her eyes were unfocused and she just kept nodding at everything Lauren said ("Amy certainly seemed… intense" and "I should probably get home before she trashes my room" and "We should ask Shane to the prom and maybe have a threesome in a hotel after" and _that_ was when Lauren knew things were irretrievably _fucked_ ) and her hand kept drifting toward her lips and if Lauren had had to watch that for one more _minute_ , she would have cracked.

"Gotta go," she said. "Farrah's waiting." And Karma nodded again and dropped down into her desk chair as Lauren made her escape and tried, so very hard, not to let herself wonder if this was the last time she'd ever see the inside of Karma's bedroom.

Why _wonder_? She already _knew_.

There was no goodbye kiss or hug and Lauren wasn't even sure Karma had seen her leave. It wasn't a breakup, there was no 'it's not you, it's me', there were no tears (popcorned or otherwise) and Lauren didn't know if Karma even realized they were over, that they'd _been_ over, if not since the breakup in the car but at least from the moment Amy had declared her intentions (and her _lips_ ) and probably, if Lauren was being honest, since before they'd even begun.

She took the long way home (long being _ten_ minutes instead of _five_ ) so she could have a moment or two to herself. She didn't know, for sure, if she wanted those moments to think or to cry or to do both, but in the end it was _neither._

What it was, was a loop. An endless fucking loop of that kiss (and the loop _always_ stopped before Karma pushed Amy away because of course her mind wanted as much torment as possible.) An endless repeating loop over and over of _that_ kiss and _those_ words.

 _The only real we is you and me_

And of course it was. Lauren ran her hands along the steering wheel as she tried to come to terms with the fact that she'd been deluding herself to think otherwise. It was too perfect this way, the script just exactly right. The couple that had never really been would be reunited in the end and everyone (an entire school full of Karmy shipping… _people_ ) would cheer and Shane would have his lesbians and Amy would have her dream girl and Karma would have…

Well… that was _the_ question, wasn't it?

Lauren didn't buy that Amy was Karma's _only_ choice or, maybe, even her _first_ choice, not anymore (but she knew Amy was _the_ choice Karma would _make_ , every fucking time), so she wasn't exactly sure what Karma would have.

Just that it wouldn't be _her_.

She stopped the car at the end of their street which was, as usual, empty and she could see all the way to the house. Farrah's car was in the drive which meant Amy was already back and that meant Lauren needed to consider her options.

Option One: storm into the house and read Amy the riot act as only she could.

It would be fair. Lauren knew she was in the right.

Amy had kissed _her_ girlfriend.

Of course, _that_ was the simple, just the facts version. That version skipped a bit. It skipped over the history between Karma and Amy, the painful and ridiculous and angst ridden history that read like the script for a bad TV show or an even worse fanfic. It ignored that Amy had been in love with Karma for as long as she'd known her _and_ that Karma had rejected her at every turn. It also ignored Karma and Reagan's _dumbass_ plan _and_ the way Karma had been crying over Amy right _before_ Lauren first kissed her.

If you ignored all _that_ , Lauren knew, Amy was clearly in the wrong. She had kissed another girl's girlfriend and not just any other girl. Her _sister_ and maybe they'd only just gotten to be sisters ( _real_ ones) and this was clearly going to set _that_ back but either way, what Amy had done? That was just _wrong_.

As long as you ignored all that.

And fuck all, did Lauren wish she could.

There was an option number two and probably a three and a four and maybe even a five but Lauren knew the numbers didn't matter. She was out of _good_ options, options that didn't involve _someone_ getting hurt (most likely her which, made sense, she was the odd one out, the third wheel, the spoiler in the great Karmy love affair, the force standing between them) and really, it all came down to a simple question, the same question she'd been turning over and over in her mind the entire drive.

Did she want to fight Amy for Karma? Did she feel enough for Karma to go to war with her sister (who was, let's face it, her _best friend_ too) and maybe wreck their family?

 _No matter what it takes. I'll prove it to you. I'll prove to you that the only real we is you and me._

Amy certainly seemed ready to battle and Lauren suspected _that_ might have been bravado and posturing and flexing her guns for Karma's sake, but she also knew it was a lot easier to do all that when you _knew you'd win_.

That was the simple truth of it and Lauren knew it. Yes, she wanted to fight for Karma. She felt enough ( _more_ than enough) to fight for her and she really did think that, deep down, Karma felt the same. And if it had been Liam she'd be going up against or…well… _anyone_ else… deep down would have been enough.

But it wasn't Liam or anyone else, it was _Amy_ and a fight with her would never _get_ to deep down because to get there you had to go through layer after layer after layer of Amy and Karma and Karma and Amy and soulmates and best friends and there wasn't a shovel big enough to dig through all _that_.

Lauren reached down and plucked her cell phone from the seat next to her, dialing a familiar number even as she steered down their street and pulled into their drive. The call was quick and the date was set and as she climbed out of the car, Lauren considered her option. The only one she'd ever really had.

Unconditional surrender.

* * *

Amy watched Lauren as she came through the door, though she kept her eyes down and tried to make it look like she _wasn't_ looking which might have worked if Lauren hadn't been staring at _her_ the entire time.

There was a part of Amy, a tiny one, that felt a little guilt and a little shame and a little sadness that she was hurting Lauren and that part made her duck her eyes back down to her textbook even though she'd already read that page a dozen times and she couldn't, for the life of her, think about the Ottoman Empire when she could still taste Karma on her lips.

Yeah, that tiny part made her feel _bad._ But not nearly bad _enough_ not nearly as bad as the good she felt welling up inside her when she thought of Karma's cheeks under her hands and the softness of her lips playing against hers and Amy knew if she'd pushed she could have had Karma right then and there. But Lauren had been right upstairs and as mad as Amy might have been and as much as she might have thought her _sister_ had it coming, she just couldn't do it.

Amy still remembered seeing _them_ together on that bed at Shane's party and she remembered how it _felt_ , the pain in her heart, the feeling of losing something she'd never actually _had_ but that little fact didn't make it hurt any less and she wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Even someone kissing _her_ girl.

Farrah was puttering about in the kitchen when Lauren came in. "Oh, Lauren, good, you're here," she said. "I was just about to call. Are you going to be staying for dinner?"

Amy glanced up and found herself eye to eye with Lauren and that wasn't uncomfortable _at all_ but neither of them would break, neither would be the one to back down.

It was just eye contact, a fucking staring contest, but it was _so much more._

"No," Lauren said, finally, dropping her eyes to the floor (and, as a result, missing the small triumphant smile on Amy's face.) "I'm going out. Tommy should be here to get me in about an hour."

" _Tommy_?" Amy and Farrah asked in almost perfect unison and Amy almost jumped out of her chair. Tommy? _Tommy_?

"I thought you two broke up long ago," Farrah said.

"We did," Lauren replied. "But he's been _begging_ for another chance and… I don't know." She stood in the entrance to the kitchen and leaned against the wall. Amy didn't ever remember seeing her like this, not even after she'd accidentally outed herself.

She looked _tiny_. Like a doll. A doll with sad eyes and pale cheeks and a heart you could almost see breaking.

"I understand," Farrah said. "Sometimes, it's good to get back to what you know."

Amy coughed and sputtered and shook her head when Farrah tried to check on her.

"I guess so," Lauren said. She turned her gaze back to Amy and the blonde felt the hair on the back of her neck twitching, but she didn't look away. She wouldn't. "Sometimes new is nice too, though. Sometimes -"

"Sometimes new is _fine_ ," Amy said, cutting her off and shoving the textbook away. "It's nice to try something a little different. Gives you some perspective. But in the end… it just goes to show. The more things change, the more they _should_ stay the same."

"Yeah," Lauren said and she sounded so resigned, so beaten and broken, Amy almost wanted to hug her. "Sometimes that's true. But… you know.. there's a reason they say familiarity breeds contempt _too_."

Amy glared at her across the table. Contempt? Really?

"Familiarity breeds other things too," she said. "Comfort. Safety. Security. A sense of _family_."

"And boredom," Lauren said. "Don't forget boredom. And complacency and a loss of wonder and excitement and -"

"The familiar can be _very_ exciting," Amy snapped. "It can be -"

"Sure," Lauren said. "It _can_. If, you know, you can get past the whole same old, same old, been there, done that nothing ever _changes_ sameness of it." She stared Amy down. "If you don't mind acting out the same old script over and over again. Me? I like a little new."

Amy's phone buzzed on the table and she and Lauren both looked down as the screen lit up with a picture of Karma's face. Amy looked back up just in time to see Lauren almost _willing_ herself not to cry.

"Then again," Lauren said. "Sometimes the new is just an experiment, right? Just a way to find out what's _real_. So maybe Tommy's real and it's time to give him a shot." She turned to leave the kitchen as Amy's phone kept buzzing. "After all, who am I to stand in the way of true love, right?"

 **If you're in this for Karmy, this probably looks good for you. If you're in it for Larma, not so much. All I can say is everything isn't always as obvious as it seems and I've already got a Karmy story...**


	18. Chapter 18

_Pick up, pick up, pick up…._

 _Fuck._

Karma paced across her room, cursing herself and her stupidity and her inability to just say 'no', at least not to Amy or to her lips and yeah, she knew in the end she _had_ said 'no' and she _had_ pushed Amy away but that was in the _end_ and that meant there was a _beginning_ and a _middle_ and let's face it, _those_ were the fucking problem.

Those were why Lauren was gone and those were why Karma was pacing and cursing and pacing and cursing and dialing and praying and then pacing and cursing cause there was no answer (and now it was barely even ringing which meant Lauren wasn't just not answering, she was _rejecting_ ) and just…

 _Fuck_

She'd screwed up, she knew _that_ and - _again_ \- let's face it, that wasn't exactly something _new_ , Karma knew she screwed up on the regular, or at least she had lately. But this… this wasn't a _screw up_. Calling this a screw up was like calling the Grand Canyon a big hole or the moon a big… moon… or like saying that she sucked at metaphors.

Massive. Fucking. Understatement.

Karma couldn't think (she _could_ dial and she _did_ over and over and _over_ again) and she _could_ pace and she _could_ mutter increasingly inventive curses at herself but that was about _all_ she could do cause she _couldn't_ think and she _couldn't_ focus and she _couldn't_ calm down enough to be rational, all because Lauren was gone.

And if that all didn't tell Karma all she needed to know about how she felt about the two blondes in her life…

Losing Amy the night of the wedding had reduced her to a blubbering mess, cowering in her mother's lap. Losing Lauren had rendered incapable of doing much more than pacing around her room muttering every dirty word she knew (including more than a few in Portuguese and she could only hope her gam-gam couldn't hear her up in Heaven) and redialing her phone a thousand times (OK, more like twenty, but when love's involved who _counts_?)

Karma had gotten back up after losing Amy. She'd dragged herself out of bed the next morning and gotten dressed and done her hair and her makeup (and yeah, she'd been kinda worried about running into _Liam_ and not looking her best, but that was neither here nor there nor just shut the fuck up about _him_ , alright?) and marched right over there, without a doubt in her mind she could get things back on track.

She knew she could never really lose Amy (of course, that was pre Reagan and pre Amy fucking Liam - or kinda pre _that_ \- and pre Lauren and maybe Karma wasn't quite so sure anymore and even more not so sure that she even _cared_ ) but she wasn't nearly so positive that she couldn't lose Lauren.

Her girl (and yes, Karma still thought of Lauren _that_ way, kitchen kisses be damned) was stubborn and prideful and not inclined to give second chances and Karma was pretty sure she'd already gotten one of _those_ and she was probably working on chance number three or four or even five, which was more than she'd ever seen Lauren give anyone.

Karma paced and cursed and dialed and vowed. If she got another chance, she swore, she would make the most of it.

"I'll tell her," she muttered to the air. "I'll tell Amy that it's Lauren and only Lauren and I'll tell _Lauren_ that it's only her and I'll tell the fucking world if she needs me to and…"

She stopped pacing as the phone dialed (again) and rang (again) and then almost immediately disconnected (again).

Karma slumped against the bed and dropped to the floor, pulling her knees to her chest and she sat there, staring at her phone as she dialed again. And again. And again. And again. And…

And she even gave up for a minute and then tried dialing Amy thinking maybe she could at least tell Lauren to answer and yes, Karma _was_ that desperate but Amy didn't answer either and so Karma flipped back to the _other_ number and …

Yeah.

Again.

And nothing. Again.

"Karma?"

She looked up, startled by the voice and even more startled by the face (and mouth and eyes and body) attached to said voice.

"Shane?"

He smiled at her, weakly and that was all it took, one look, one smile, one supportive… _something_ … and Karma cracked, the tears rolling out of her in sobs that shook her body and her phone went flying across the room and then Shane was there, curling around her and holding her tight as she soaked his shirt and sobbed herself hoarse.

* * *

Karma didn't know how long she sat there crying and shaking and fisting Shane's polo in her hands. It could have been an hour (it was) or a day (it wasn't) but she did know that she didn't stop until she felt like she'd cried every tear she had, like every bit of sadness had been wrung out of her and all that was left was sniffles and she resisted the urge to wipe her eyes (and her nose) on Shane's shirt and just rested her head on his shoulder, trying to get her breath back.

"You OK?" Shane asked and Karma was surprised (a _little_ ) to hear something that sounded like genuine concerns in his voice.

She was sure it had more to do with the sheer volume (like a fucking _ocean_ ) of tears and shaking and coughing and gasping than it did with it being _her._ Not that she really cared.

Any port in a storm, right?

"Karma?" Shane leaned back and put a finger under her chin and tipped her head up so she could look at him. "Amy was here, huh?" She nodded and he frowned. "And I'm guessing Lauren was too and that didn't go so… well?"

Karma nodded again. "How did you…?"

"She told me," Shane said. "Well, actually, she and _Reagan_ told me and - "

"Wait," Karma said, sitting up and back and scooting out of his embrace cause (even before he mentioned Reagan) _that_ was just getting weird. "Reagan?"

Shane nodded. "Yeah," he said, "it was kinda like one big game of telephone."

"Telephone?" Karma asked (not wondering at all why she was suddenly reduced to one word at a time.)

Shane nodded again. "Amy broke up with Reagan and then called me to _tell me_ she broke up with Reagan _and_ to yell at me cause she thought I knew about you and Lauren, which of course I did, but didn't tell _her,_ which of course I didn't." He took a breath. Just _one_. "And then _Reagan_ called me to tell me Amy broke up with her _and_ to yell at me cause she thought Amy broke up with her _becuase_ of you and Lauren, which _of course_ she did, _and_ because she thought I was the one who told Amy which -"

"Of course you didn't," Karma said (and she was half interrupting just to make him breathe because she was close to passing out and she was only _listening_.)

"Right," Shane said. "And then she said she thought Amy was on her way over here and then _I_ called _Amy_ and she didn't answer so I called the house and talked to Farrah, and I don't understand how Amy doesn't just _love_ her, and she said Amy _was_ on her way here and I got here just in time to see her leave and she was _smiling_ and then Lauren left and she _wasn't_ and then I thought maybe I should go home cause it was just _you_ and it's not like you and I are friends, but…"

He trailed off (and took a few deep breaths) and sat there on Karma's bed, watching her as she tried (so very hard) to process it all.

"You want to tell me what happened?" he asked.

"Lauren's gone," Karma said simply. That wasn't exactly everything (and even Shane knew that) but it was… well… _fuck it_ … that was _everything_.

Lauren was gone and Amy had kissed her and Lauren was gone and Amy had declared her love in the kitchen and Lauren was gone and Amy had vowed to win her back (could you win back something you'd never lost or, really, never _had?)_ and _Lauren was gone_.

That she kept coming back to _that_ did not escape Karma's attention. Not only did it not escape (unlike Lauren) but it didn't run (again, unlike Lauren) or scamper or flutter or hop or skip or even try to move _at all_ , not even a little. That one little fact - Lauren was _gone_ \- just fucking sat there, nestling like a rock settling into the earth, just waiting for her to stop on it, with its sharp little pointy edges like fucking fangs, waiting to take a bite out of her and catching her by surprise _every fucking time_ because every time she even _tried_ to think of something else (like following Shane's insane telephone tree), it was always right there, always waiting, always ready to tear away at her all over again.

"Lauren's gone," she said again, her eyes falling to the duvet, to the sheets, to the bed she'd held her girl on less than two hours before. "Amy kissed me and I think Lauren might have seen it and -"

"Amy _kissed_ you?" Shane interrupted and Karma tried to pretend she didn't hear the slight note of pride in his voice, not that she could blame him cause under different circumstances (like it not being _her_ that Amy kissed or Lauren not _seeing_ it) Karma might have been proud of Amy and her sudden burst of self-confidence too.

"Yeah," Karma said. "She kissed me and told me she was going to prove that she and I belong together and…" She stopped and looked up at Shane, his words finally _registering_. "Wait, you said she was _smiling_?"

Shane nodded and suddenly that little rock that was Lauren being _gone_ wasn't a rock anymore and it wasn't sitting still and it wasn't waiting for her.

It was taunting her.

It was doing a fucking victory dance and if that dancer was conspicuously uncoordinated _and_ dorky _and_ blonde _and_ had the softest ( _second_ softest) pair of lips that Karma had ever felt and if that dancer (and fuck the metaphor, it was _Amy_ ) was relishing it, was gloating, was celebrating and reveling and fucking _smiling_ over that kiss and over what it had done and over Lauren being _gone…_

She could practically hear Amy in her head (which wasn't all that new, she'd been hearing Amy for _years_ , usually when she was about to do something… well… _Karma_ ) whispering to her.

 _Lauren's gone. She ran. She slipped away, she fled. She took off at the first sign of trouble and, really, doesn't that tell you all you need to know about your 'relationship?'_

Karma patted the bed around her, desperate to find her phone.

 _Lauren's gone. She wasn't gay anyway. Lauren? A lesbian? Please._

She found it, half under Shane's ass and she pushed him aside (gently) so she could grab it and dial.

 _Lauren's gone. She knew the truth. She'd always worried about it, hadn't she? Always worried that you'd leave her for -_

"Shut up!" Karma yelled and Shane jumped and she knew she should say she didn't mean him, but he was bright and knew he wasn't speaking and she didn't really have time because there was still no answer (which didn't surprise but _did_ disappoint) and it was _just_ Shane so she didn't spend too much time worrying about it.

Karma ran her thumb across the screen and then dialed the _other_ number, the one she knew by heart, that she could dial blind, that she could recognize just by the sounds of the beeps on her keypad (OK, not _really_ , but she was pissed and she was scared and she was on a roll so let's let _that one_ go, OK?) and brought the phone to her ear, waiting for an answer.

And when that answer didn't come either, when that fucking _dancer_ didn't pick up any more than Lauren had, Karma shoved her phone in her pocket and hopped off the bed, heading for the stairs. Shane was right on her heels as she grabbed the keys to the Good Karma truck and slammed out the front door.

"Karma," he huffed, chasing after her. "Where are you going?"

Karma climbed into the truck and held the door for him. "To get what's mine," she said simply and Shane jumped into the truck without hesitation as Karma shoved it into gear and pulled out. There was, she knew, a chance neither of them would answer her knocks or her frantic (and repeated, oh so fucking _repeated_ ) ringing of the doorbell any more than they had their phones. But that, she knew, was OK.

She knew where the key was.


	19. Chapter 19

**Sorry for the delay. Say Yes kinda took all my time. So I made sure to include a BIG development on the Karmy vs. Larma front...**

Karma saw _him_ before she saw _her_ and that should have been the _end_ of it. Amy had kissed her (which was _supposed_ to be what she'd always wanted) and Lauren had left (and _she_ was never supposed to have been even a _thought_ , much less a _want_ ) and now Tommy (fucking _Tommy_ ) was there and that should have been the fucking _end_.

Shoulda coulda fucking woulda.

It should have been the end but Karma couldn't _let_ it be. And she had no idea why.

If Karma'd had an ounce of the brains that God (or Goddess or who the _fuck_ ever) had given her, if she'd had even a smidgen of pride (or the first clue what a smidgen - or _pride_ \- was), if she'd been running on anything but a cocktail if anger and lust and just a dash of 'sick of everyone getting all up in her shit' Karma would have climbed back in the truck and gotten the hell out of Dodge the moment she saw Tommy.

Tommy.

 _Tommy_.

 _Fucking Tommy_.

Maybe if she'd been thinking clearly or thinking of _anything_ other than that vision of confident and cocky and _smiling_ Amy (and crushed and betrayed and _destroyed_ Lauren) Karma would have turned tail and run. She _could've_. She could have run and Amy would have, eventually, chased and sure, Amy was confident and in control and all _top_ now.

Karma could break that in less than a week.

And maybe, a few weeks before, she might have. Maybe, before the party and before 'can I kiss you' and 'stay' and before 'my girl' she might have done _exactly_ that. But Amy's kiss, no matter how good it was (and it was _good_ , fuck all) wasn't a Goddamned time machine and it couldn't take her back and she was, for the most part, pretty fucking sure she wouldn't have wanted it to even if it could.

Or, she _was_. Until she saw him.

 _Fucking Tommy_.

She recognized it ( _him_ ) for what it ( _him_ ) was, she saw right through Lauren's little charade because, let's face it, there was no one better versed in the classic 'I'm fine, so _fine_ that I got back with my _ex_ , the loser one and not the _good_ one, five minutes after I left you cause it'll show everyone that I'm _fine_ and fuck you I don't need _you_ ' strategy that only a _thousand_ rom-com heroes and heroines had perfected over the years.

She saw right through it and knew that it ( _he_ ) didn't mean a thing, not to Lauren, not _anymore_ , but that didn't mean it didn't hurt. It didn't mean that _at all_. "Him," she muttered, as much to herself as to Shane, still staring straight ahead and clutching the seat belt in mortal fucking terror after the way she'd Danica Patricked her way over here. "Him of all fucking people. It couldn't be Theo. No, cause he wouldn't be half as _insulting_."

"What?" Shane gasped. The color was (slowly) returning to his cheeks and he was blinking his way back into focus. "Theo? Insulting?"

Karma barely heard him, hell, she barely even knew he was _there_. "Fucking _Tommy_ ," she said and wheeled suddenly, glaring at Shane (whose heart rocketed into his throat at the thought that she might be ready to _drive_ again.) "He called her a dude," Karma snapped. "A _dude_."

Shane nodded, his mind working enough to know that was the smartest - the _only_ \- plan, no matter what she said, and he remembered the conversation that night in the garage (and tried _not_ to remember the slightly longer than appropriate looks Karma had given the dildos and yeah, that should have been a _sign_ , lessons fucking learned.)

"Lauren is _not_ a dude," Karma said with (maybe) a little more conviction than was absolutely necessary. "And _I_ would know."

She said it before she could think about it and it wasn't until she saw the look on Shane's face, that mix of shock and confusion and then the way his eyes lit up and Karma was suddenly back in the moment, back with _him_ , and she knew (so fucking _knew_ ) she'd said the absolute wrong thing to the absolute wrong person cause this was Shane 'lesbian energy' Harvey and she _so_ didn't have time for _that_.

"Not like _that_ ," she said, the anger (cause Amy and smiles and fucking _Tommy_ ) momentarily overruled by the need to do damage control and head off any discussion of scissoring at the fucking pass. "I mean, sort of like that, but not really, it's not like we did… you know… but I mean… clearly she's not a dude. _Anyone_ can see _that_."

"Clearly," Shane said, trying hard (but not too hard, cause even if he was still a touch afraid he was still _him_ ) not to smirk. " _Anyone_ ," he said.

Karma blushed and leaned against the truck. "We _didn't_ ," she said quietly, without needing to clarify what they _didn't_ and then she remembered that even though they _didn't_ it wasn't cause they hadn't _wanted_ to or for a lack of _trying_.

 _I mean, I can, I know how and the parts are all there, but then I think of the things people say, like Tommy and 'my girlfriend's a dude' and I just… can't._

It was because of _him_.

OK, so maybe not _just_ him. Maybe it hadn't been just because of Tommy or even Tommy and Theo or because of Liam or (even) because of Amy. Maybe it hadn't _just_ been any of their baggage or exes or fake exes or wannabe exes and there'd really been a shit ton of things that neither of them had thought of before Karma had clicked the lock shut on her door but then it was too late cause then they'd been on the bed and Lauren had been under her and then…

 _Fuck_.

So, yeah, maybe it hadn't been _all_ Tommy's fault. But he was _there._ And he was obviously there for _her_ (unless Amy's occasional forays into guys had taken a full on detour into doucheville and, given her history with men, Karma guessed that wasn't _entirely_ out of the question) and that was enough to make Karma have to fight off the almost unbearable urge to storm across the street and let Tommy know in no uncertain terms that Lauren was _all fucking girl_.

And, with any luck, _she'd_ be the girl Lauren was _fucking_ , soon.

You know, once she got the tiny blonde to forgive her for kissing Amy (or being kissed _by_ Amy, though Karma doubted the distinction mattered much) and for not pushing her away fast enough (like, almost not _at all_ ) and for having just a second or two's worth of doubts (if, you know, you multiplied seconds by like a _thousand_.)

But once that was done? Fucking. Lots and lots of fucking.

And not discussing even a _second_ of it with Shane.

But _that_ , Karma knew, was none of Tommy's business and, really, _nothing_ about Lauren was _his_ business anymore even if he was the one she called and even if he was the one in the driveway and even if Karma was pretty sure Lauren was planning on there being some of that fucking soon (or at least a lot of _trying_ cause points to prove and hearts to break and denial to be swum in) just not with _her_ and that terrified and pissed Karma off all at once. Almost as much as the thought that, if she was reading the signs right - and she was pretty sure she was - there wasn't much about Lauren that was _her_ business anymore either.

At least not right in that moment and yes, Karma knew that was all her fault (well… _technically_ … hers _and_ Amy's, but she was probably more in the wrong what with her having been Lauren's girlfriend at the time of the kissing but there was really no _good_ reason to dwell on _that_ just then.)

"I can fix it," she said, more to herself than anything. "I _can_ and I _will_ ," she said, surprising herself just a bit with how _much_ she meant it and how _now_ she meant it. She was determined not to let this go on, to not let it linger. She'd done that before, she'd let things (not _things_ … problems _and_ lies _and_ secrets _and_ Liam _and_ Reagan _and_ stupid fucking plans and just… _shit_ … way too much shit) linger for _far_ too long between her and Amy and look where that had gotten them.

(pressed up against kitchen table with Amy's lips and hands and heart all over her)

( _that's_ where it had gotten them)

 _That_ and standing across the street, watching Tommy. Watching him pace back and forth in the driveway she'd once decorated with chalk monkeys and sunflowers and half assed hopscotch squares, watching _him_ watch the house she'd once considered more of a home than her own, watching him wait for a girl…

A girl that was once hers.

"I'm getting her back," Kama said as Shane hopped down out of the truck and stood next to her, his eyes focusing on her face. He'd never seen her so… determined wasn't the right word… she just had this look about her. If he'd been afraid of her before (cause _Danica_ ) he was both terrified and impressed right then. "I'm getting her back, Shane. I _so_ fucking am."

He believed her. He didn't know _why_ , not exactly. But in that moment, he absolutely believed her, like it wasn't just something Karma _thought_. It was a fact. Like tomorrow would come and next week would have seven days and maybe that stroll across the street to face her fate would be the longest walk of her life but Shane knew, he fucking _knew_ in that moment that it didn't matter where Lauren went or what she tried to do, Karma wouldn't be left behind.

It hit him in an instant. Like a twist ending he'd never seen coming and Shane saw _everything_ coming. It hit him and left him stunned and (almost) speechless and he couldn't believe it but it was _so_ fucking obvious.

"You're in love."

Karma's head snapped around and her eyes widened and she shook her head and stammered as the color drained from her face. "What… no.. what… I… what… love… I didn't… _what_?"

"You," he said. "Are. In. Love." He glanced back across the street towards Amy's house. "I mean, I always _thought_ … I mean, I did encourage Amy to go after you because I thought _maybe_ , but I… there was _Liam_ and then that whole thing with Wade and I thought maybe I was wrong, not that I'm _ever_ wrong… except, well, _this_ time cause you're _in love_." He looked back at her. "Just not with the sister I thought."

Karma wanted to argue. She wanted to tell him he was out of his fucking mind and it had only been a few weeks and there was (still) the Amy… _thing_ … to deal with and yeah, so maybe she'd already made a choice (which was why she was _there_ ) but _choice_ didn't equal _love_ (at least, she didn't _think_ … but… maybe…) but it was still too soon and it was still too complicated and it was still too… _Lauren_.

She _wanted_ to say all that. But her thoughts (as jumbled and spinning and whirling and holy fucking shitting as they were) and whatever words (like she had _any_ of _those_ ) might have come out were interrupted by the sounds of the Raudenfeld's front door and then the sound of tiny little heels clicking across the pavement and then by the _sight_ of the girl Karma… um… the girl she… well…

 _(her_ girl)

Crossing the driveway and leaning into Tommy's arms and kissing him on the cheek.

And then Karma's world went red (and not in the cool Tay Tay way but more like the Hulk Smash just not in _green_ kinda way) and the next thing she knew ( _literally_ the _next_ , like she didn't even remember crossing the street or the honking of a horn as Amy's next door neighbor almost ran her over or Shane's frantic 'Karma, what are you doing?' pleas that were more anticipation than worry) her fist was connecting with the tiny lipstick print Lauren had left on Tommy's cheek and Lauren was crying out ('What the fuck, _Ashcroft_?') and Shane was gasping and practically cheering in place (cause _drama_ ) and Amy was standing in the door watching the whole thing with this oh so _not_ Amy smirk on her face as Lauren raced over to tend to Tommy on the ground.

She'd seen _him_ before he saw _her_ and that _should_ have been the end of it. But Karma just couldn't let it be. And now she knew why.

She was in love with Lauren Cooper.

Well… _fuck_.


	20. Chapter 20

There was a part of her (a _small_ one) that felt bad. There was the tiniest of parts, the teeniest of bits, the smallest of shreds of guilt that floated through her mind as she stood in the door and watched.

But then she remembered that she'd been doing _that_ a lot lately. Standing in doorways (or just outside them, in the fucking shadows like some sort of scorned woman psycho stalker) with tears in her eyes, able to do nothing but watch.

And every bit of guilt Amy had flew away. Like, literally flew. Like, climbed up out of her body, stood on her shoulders and took wing, soaring into the sky and disappearing into the clouds, never to be seen again.

Until she saw the look in Karma's eyes.

The look she ignored for as long as she could (which wasn't long), the one she turned away from, focusing on her step-sister and Tommy, huddled together on the driveway, zooming in on the fire in _Lauren's_ eyes (the one she could, and _did_ , convince herself was _just_ anger) as she glared at Karma.

"What the _fuck_ , Ashcroft?"

What the fuck indeed.

Amy leaned against the door and watched the scene unfold in front of her and she had to admit, she hadn't seen _this_ coming. She hadn't expected Lauren to run back to Tommy (Theo, maybe, but not _Tommy_ ) and she hadn't expected Karma to come-a-running after her (not _her_ ) (not _Lauren_ ) and yeah, _that_ gave her a moment or two of pause, a second thought or two.

But not nearly as many thoughts (second and third and fourth and… oh… on and on to infinity and _beyond_ ) as that look in Karma's eyes, the one she was still ignoring (but not all that _well_ ).

"Where the _hell_ do you get off?" Lauren was up then, charging into the way, stepping between Karma and Amy and no, Amy didn't miss the irony there, nor did she miss the way Lauren was poking a finger into Karma's chest and advancing on her like a tiny matador antagonizing the bull and _that_ was when it hit Amy. _That_ was when it smacked her between the eyes and she almost ( _almost_ ) stepped out from the door and grabbed ahold of Lauren before -

"Me?" Karma finally tore her eyes from Amy (and that might have been the first time Amy was ever glad Karma _wasn't_ looking at her) and glared at Lauren. "Where do _I_ get off?"

Too late.

Amy realized it then, in that moment just before Karma wheeled on Lauren and all that anger the redhead was tossing around (and that look she was ignoring in Karma's eyes told Amy that every bit of that anger was meant for _her_ and _that_ was a realization in and of itself) came to bear on her sister. Lauren had no idea. _No fucking idea._ She and Karma might have been… whatever… (Amy still wasn't calling it a relationship) (or hooking up) (or dating) (or love) (fuck no, not _that_ )... but it hadn't been long enough, it hadn't been a decade and then some of learning to read each other's moods and each other's signs and each other's warning labels.

Lauren was poking the bear. She was waving the cape. She was taunting the cobra.

And Karma was going to bite. (And not in the good way) (and Amy wasn't thinking about _that_ and _them_ either) (fuck no)

"Yes, _you_ ," Lauren snapped. Her finger was pressing against Karma's chest and there was almost a snarl to her voice. "What the hell gives you the right to come over here and punch my date in the face?"

Karma took a step forward, rising up on her toes so she (sort of) towered over Lauren who, to her credit, didn't back up in the slightest. "Oh, I don't know," Karma said, her tone all sweetness and honey (and Amy knew _that_ tone and she briefly considered running outside and pulling Shane to safety) (but not Tommy) (fuck _him_ ). "Maybe since it was like… an _hour_ ago when you were grinding on my like I was a fucking scratching post and I can still taste your lip gloss on my fucking tongue? Does _that_ give me the right?"

"You?" Tommy chimed in from his seat on the driveway. "And _you_? And… grinding?"

"Shut the fuck up, Tommy," they said in unison without even bothering to look and Amy had to admit (silently) (to herself) (and no, she would _never_ say it out loud) ( _ever_ ) that watching them work together, even for just that moment, was kinda… um… well…

Yeah.

She was thinking she might need a minute.

" _My_ lip gloss?" Lauren asked, and there was a thin (or not so thin) layer of disgust riding the edge of her words. "You sure about that, Karma? Cause I'm pretty sure _my_ lips weren't the last ones you've tasted today."

If Amy had had any doubts as to whether Lauren had seen anything, they were gone and she didn't know exactly how she felt about that.

"You're right," Karma said but there was no defeat, no confession, no admitting anything and she didn't deflate quite like Amy had expected her to, in fact, if anything, Karma seemed to rise up even more. "But for the record? I'm sure it's yours. Amy doesn't wear lip gloss and even if she did, that kiss didn't last nearly long enough for me to still be tasting her and even if it had -"

"Don't," Lauren said, and her _voice_ cracked but, more importantly, so did _she_.

It was so sudden and so shocking and all Amy could do was watch from the door, in no small amount of confusion as _Lauren_ shrank back, as her finger dropped from Karma's chest, as she took one tiny step back, wobbling slightly on her heels.

"Don't tell me that _she_ kissed _you_ and you didn't want it and you pushed her…" Lauren was shaking and her voice was thin and reedy and… oh… _fuck_ … she was breaking right there in the drive and Amy had to add yet another thing to her list of 'never saw it coming'. Lauren took another step. "Just… _don't_ ," she said and Amy could practically _feel_ the air just rushing out of her.

It was so obvious, so fucking clear that even Tommy saw it. He managed to get to his feet and took a hesitant step toward Lauren, arms outstretched and Amy was almost ( _almost_ ) ( _fuck_ almost, she _was_ ) glad he was there.

Lauren held out a hand, stopping him where he stood. "You should go," she said to him. "I'm sorry. This was… I just…" She raised her eyes and managed to look at Karma, but only for a moment, before she squeezed them shut and hung her head again, like she'd stared too long at the sun. "This was a bad idea," she said.

"Which part?"

Eight eyes snapped around, staring at Shane, the forgotten man (and _that_ was fucking new) as he stood just a bit back, leaning against Tommy's car.

"What?" Lauren asked.

"Which part was the bad idea?" Shane asked, again. "Was it the sneaking around with Karma behind Amy's back? Or the giving up on her without a fight? Or calling Tommy in some desperate attempt to prove this was all some sort of momentary blip on the radar, some sort of ill advised experimentation instead of just admitting what it really was?"

"Shane…"

Amy watched as he shook his head at Karma, brushing her off (and _that_ was, at least, normal) and walked past her, over to Lauren. She refused to meet his eyes, staring at his chest, her arms folded across her own chest, the classic Lauren pose.

"I'm sure I don't know what you're -"

"You know the worst part of all of this?" Shane asked, talking right over her. "The one person I always side with, the one person in this whole little geometric love _mess_ that I actually considered a friend before today…" He looked up over the top of Lauren's head, staring right at Amy in the doorway. "She's the one who's wrong. She's the problem, she's the one fucking it all up." He shook his head again and Amy gripped the doorknob in her hand, her knuckles gone white. "She's the Booker."

"I'm the _what?"_ This time it was Amy's turn to feel the weight of eight eyes staring at her, though she only really gave a fuck about two of them (well, maybe four) (OK, probably six) (and, really, even if she didn't give a shit about Tommy, for the most part, it wasn't like she wanted him to think _badly_ of her.)

 _Fuck._

"You're the Booker," Shane said. "Lauren is you and Karma is… well.. Karma. And playing the role of Liam Booker, fuckboy extraordinaire, not giving a shit about the actual _relationship_ -"

"They are not… it isn't… they can't…" Amy squeezed the doorknob in her hand (she was pretty sure there were going to be imprints of her fingers in the metal). 'Karma and Lauren are _not_ a couple, Shane. There is no Karma _and_ Lauren. There is no fucking… _Larma_."

"Not anymore."

Eight eyes… oh, you fucking get the idea… everyone looked at Lauren as her hand shot to her mouth, no one's disbelief that she'd said it greater than her own.

"Bullshit," Amy snapped. "Bull fucking shit." She finally left the door, taking three quick steps out to the driveway. "Not 'not anymore'. There never was. It was never real. It was just sneaking around and hiding in closets and it was just… just…"

"Just what?" Karma asked softly. "Just an experiment? That's what you called it, right? Just me experimenting, trying out something not so real, so I'd be ready for… well… _you_."

Amy stared at her, trying to find something to say, some words to make that sound less… _fuck_ … less Booker. She couldn't bring herself to look at Lauren, couldn't let herself see what those words were doing to her step-sister.

"So, tell me, Amy," Karma said, nodding in the direction of Tommy, and then her fist, still clenched at her side. "Seem any more real now?"

"Or maybe…" Lauren's voice was so soft, so quiet that Amy almost didn't hear her. "Maybe we were never a… we… because we all know there's only one _real_ we, right? Even if half of _that real_ we…"

Lauren hung her head, her words trailing off into nothing and Amy watched as Karma stared at her across the drive, and Amy felt her stomach flip and flop and, for maybe the first time, she actually considered (for like _a second_ ) that Lauren and Karma might have actually…

 _felt something_

 _something real_

And, oh _fuck_ , if watching them kiss, if imagining (quite fucking _vividly_ ) what was going on behind those closed janitor's closet doors, if standing outside Karma's house for twenty minutes while they were in there _together..._ if all that had _hurt_ ….

Fuck. Just… fuck. And if _that_ thought, that one split second of contemplation, that one hiccup of a moment when she thought Karma might have actual feelings for Lauren, if that fucking _killed_ , then Karma's next words…

"Even if half that we is in love with someone else."

Those words weren't pain or agony or discomfort.

They were the end.


	21. Chapter 21

Love, Amy decided, was not worth it. Love, she concluded, was a fucking bitch out to get you at every turn. Love…

Love _sucked_.

It sucked out loud and it sucked hard and it sucked the life right out of you. Especially when it seemed like love was bound and fucking determined to make you pay. To make you suffer for your sins, to make you burn for every time it gave you a chance and you let it slip away.

Love, ironically enough, was _karma_.

And that only made it suck worse.

Love, she realized, was the sort of… _fucker_ … that made you feel out of place, that made you feel like an intruder in your own home.

(or driveway, as the case may be)

 _Even if half that we is in love with someone else_

Everyone said that love was those three little words but those _eleven_ seemed to do a pretty damn good job of it too. Good, at least, if you weren't _her_.

Tommy was the first to take the hint. He started, three or four times, to say something, to break the silence that had fallen over them like darkness, but then he just shook his head and silently walked to his truck. He got it. There was a couple there, there were people with feelings and connections and something (Amy _refused_ to use _that_ word) between them. And he was just a spectator, an interloper, a moment of fear and confusion for them overcome.

And so, Amy knew, was _she_. Even if she wasn't quite as ready as Tommy to accept it. Fuck all, she wasn't sure she'd ever be ready for _that_. Watching Karma and Lauren _together?_ All the time? Holding hands and kissing and not just behind closed doors where she could only _imagine_ it?

Yeah. Not ready, not gonna be ready. Not now. Not tomorrow or the next day or the day she turned a hundred and one.

No one else even seemed to notice Tommy going. Karma was staring at Lauren and Lauren was staring at Karma and Amy was staring at them both (and wondering how long she could do that before it made her go blind.) And Shane was staring at _her_ and Amy could feel his eyes, could feel the weight of his stare and all the… disappointment it held.

He called her the Liam.

He called _her_ the _Liam_.

And the worst of it was that he was right. And she knew it. Knew, but didn't _care_. Nope. Not even a little. Amy gave absolutely no fucks. Kind of like the number _they'd_ clearly given about _her_.

Shane stepped slowly to her side, resting a hand on her arm. "Come on," he whispered (and Amy hadn't known he could do _that_ ), tugging her gently toward the house. "Let them work it out," he said.

Amy yanked her arm free of his grasp and shook her head. Nobody was working out _shit_. Not while she… while she…

 _Fuck. Fuck all. Just… FUCK!_

Not while she was _there_. Not while she was there and by 'there' she _so_ meant 'in the way' and by 'in the way' she meant 'in between them' and that's where she _was_ , where she had put herself, squarely, smackdab right between them.

Except from the way Lauren was looking at Karma (and Amy had never seen Lauren look at _anyone_ like that) and the way Karma was looking at Lauren (and Amy had only _dreamed_ of Karma looking at _her_ like that), she wasn't sure how 'between' them she really was. Because it didn't seem like there was _anything_ between them.

 _Even if half that we is in love with someone else_

OK, so maybe _something_. And… _fuck_! (again)

"Amy," Shane whispered again. "It's time. Time to go."

Well, Amy thought, that might actually be true. Or it _had_ been. It had been time to go, it had been time to go _long_ ago, way back in a theater, way back when she left Karma and went with Reagan. It had been time then to go the _other_ way, but her fear and her lust her _certainty_ that Karma didn't really feel anything for her won out.

It was logical, that certainty. Karma had come out to everyone as straight (more than once) and rejected her (more than once) and was only attracted to boys (more than once) (even if every time was the _same_ boy) and so, yeah, it was perfectly fucking logical for Amy to stay with Reagan and leave Karma there with nothing but popcorn in her hand and a broken heart.

If you can't love the one you want (or _she_ can't love _you_ ) then love the one you're with. And a straight girl was never going to love her, Amy knew that much. But as she stared at Karma staring at Lauren, she realized that was _all_ she knew.

She shook her head again but didn't pull away when Shane took her by the arm again, slowly steering her toward the house. She walked backward, in slow and halting steps, unable to look away, simply not able to _stop_. She wanted to see it, she _needed_ to, she needed it burned into her mind and her heart (and her soul, if she was going to be _that_ fucking dramatic about it all.) It was the only way she'd ever get over it.

Oh, who was she kidding? She was never getting over it. Amy knew that even as Shane guided her back into the house and settled her down on the couch in the living room. He left her, for just a moment (and she knew he was watching her the whole time) and came back with a glass of ice water.

"Drink," he said.

"It'll take more than _water_ ," she said back, pushing the glass away. "A fuckload more."

Shane set the glass down on the coffee table in front of her and sat down next to it. "I know it hurts -"

"You know nothing, Shane Harvey," she snapped. "When was the last time your soulmate choose your sister over you?"

"My sister is a raging nympho with daddy issues and a habit of fucking inappropriately older men, so no, I don't think she's ever been with my… soulmate."

She heard _it_. The way he said the word. _Soulmate_. 'Fucking' had rolled off his tongue with more ease, with less contempt, without half the… _yuck_.

"You can roll your eyes all you want, Shane," Amy said. She pushed back on the couch, putting as much distance between them as she could. "But it's _true_. Karma is _my_ soulmate."

No matter what had happened, no matter what Karma and Lauren had done (or were going to be doing) (probably soon) (make up sex and all), Amy was sure of _that_ much. Karma _was_ her soulmate. Now and forever.

"Maybe she is," Shane said. He didn't put much stock in the whole idea but he knew Amy ( _and_ Karma) always had. "But maybe you ought to start considering the possibility that you aren't _hers_."

* * *

 _She's never gonna forgive me. Not for this. There's no coming back from this._

Lauren looked at Karma and Karma looked at her and they were both thinking that same _thing_ about the same _person_. Cause even though Shane had taken her away and led her off? Amy was still there. Right _there_. Right where she'd always been. Between them. And they had only themselves to blame for _that_.

"We should have told her," Lauren said. She kept fidgeting, putting her hands behind her back and then folding them in front of her and then behind her again. She just didn't know what to _do_ with them (even if she knew _exactly_ what she _wanted_ to do with them, but Amy was like fifty feet away, just inside and if she came back out…)

Karma didn't care about that, though. She stepped closer and caught Lauren's hands, holding them both tight within her own. " _I_ should have told her," she said. "And I shouldn't have let her…" She trailed off. Something about saying 'kiss me', something about talking about kissing another girl while she was holding Lauren's hands seemed sort of (not _sort of_ ) wrong.

"It wasn't your fault," Lauren said. "I saw it. I saw the whole thing and she didn't leave you much choice."

 _Much._ That was the word Karma heard, the one she focused on. Much. Not 'no choice', not 'didn't leave you _a_ choice' or ' _any_ choice'. _Much_. And that _was_ the word for it, that was _exactly_ what Amy had left her (that and a bruise on her ass from the table and a taste on her lips that made her nauseous.) Much choice. Amy _hadn't_ left her much, but she'd left her just enough, just enough rope to tie her own noose.

Karma felt dirty, like she'd cheated (which she _technically_ had.) It wasn't an unfamiliar feeling, it reminded her a lot of being with Liam, of all the sneaking around and the hiding in the art room and the thunderbox and she had to squeeze her eyes shut and wait for the urge to puke to pass. Which, apparently, took just long enough for the urge to cry to come.

The tears came at the same moment she felt Lauren drop her hands and Karma thought it was done, that she'd fought so hard and lost her anyway, but then those same hands ( _Lauren's_ hands) were on her back and the arms they belonged to were wrapped around her and they were both sliding to the ground, cradling each other in the driveway as Karma sobbed and Lauren ran her hands along her skin and tangled them in her hair and kissed her softly over and over.

"It's OK," she whispered. "I'm here."

"I'm sorry," Karma said (mostly into Lauren's shoulder) (and a bit into her hair.) "I'm _so_ sorry. I never should have… I didn't want her to… she just… and then…" She leaned back as far as she could without breaking the grip of Lauren's arms. "I'm _sorry_."

Forgiveness had never been Lauren's strong suit. Hell, it had never been _any_ suit, not for her, especially not when it came to relationships or love. (Not that she'd had many of the former and, really, none of the latter.) And she _could_ imagine herself not forgiving Karma. She could picture herself leaving Karma there, sobbing in the driveway. She'd won, right? Karma had chosen her and it would be sweet sweet victory to leave her there and walk back inside, telling Amy she could have her now.

She could see it. She could fucking _taste_ it. Her imagination was good.

But _that_ was the thing. Lauren could _imagine_ that. But she'd _felt_ (like, for _real_ ) what it was like without Karma. She'd _experienced_ what it was like to lose her, even if was just for a few hours, and even if it wasn't real (cause Karma chose _her_.) She could claim victory, she could rub it in Amy's face, she could gloat and celebrate and never ever forgive. She _could_ , she knew that, she'd done it before.

Maybe, she thought, it was time for something… _new_.

Lauren cupped Karma's face in her hands and kissed her softly once and then again and then again. Karma's tears slowed and she stopped shaking (as much) but Lauren could see it in her eyes. She didn't need kisses and holding and touching. Karma needed to _hear_ it.

"You asked me to stay," she said. "You asked me to stay and I'm staying." The tears started anew but there was a smile under them and Lauren knew Karma understood. "So you better be staying _with_ me, or so help me _God -"_

Karma kissed her then, soundly her arms snaking around the tiny blonde's body, pulling her closer and closer and holding her tight (like she was never planning on letting go) and Lauren thought the other girl might just squeeze the life out of her.

Forgiveness, it turned out, had its perks. Forgiveness, Lauren decided, was _totally_ worth it.


	22. Chapter 22

**Sorry this took so long. Busy busy busy and the A.R. Project took most of my writing mojo. Hope to be back on track with this though. Let me know what you think!**

Lauren dropped her bag on the bench and slid into the booth.

It was _her_ booth, sort of, you know, in the way that the place you sit _all the time_ becomes yours or the cookies that your stepmother always buys but only you eat (and only at night and in your room where no one else can see) are yours or the girl that makes your heart flip and your palms sweat and you actually think of those as _good_ things is yours.

Maybe your name isn't on them, maybe it's not scrawled on the cookie package in permanent marker or carved into the wood of the Chew-N-Brew booth with a pocket knife or signed across the girl's heart, but that doesn't make any of them less yours ( _hers_ ), possession (or occupation) being nine-tenths of the law and all that.

She's been sitting here, in _her_ booth, at this time for the last three Tuesdays (and two Thursdays) and, save for the dorktastic little freshman last week that she chased off with a glare and a steely 'move', no one else has seemed even interested in her booth. It's in the back, in the corner, nowhere near the counter or the little row of special creamers and sugars and the display cases full of doughnuts and brownies and goodies that put five pounds on you just for looking.

She settled into the booth and did her best to convince herself that no, the seat wasn't _really_ conforming and molding around her butt, it wasn't _that_ familiar with that particular part of her anatomy (unlike Karma's hands) (and even _thinking_ of _that_ , which Lauren did more often than she cared to admit sent a rush of blood tinging her neck and cheeks and she needed to sip her drink.) And _that_ , her drink… well… that _wasn't_ hers. It was an iced venti mocha something or other (number three on the menu) with extra caramel and a second shot of espresso and _that_ was Karma's. Her favorite, her drink of choice and yes, Lauren was ordering her _girlfriend's_ favorite _because_ her girlfriend loved them and yes, she was _that_ girl, fuck _you_ very much.

She was in love and she was being loved back and it had been a month already (thirty days, four hours, five minutes and she had no fucking _clue_ how many seconds) and even if neither of them had actually said the words, they still _knew_.

Everyone did.

 _Everyone_.

And therein lay the problem that had given Lauren a booth (and a drink she was convinced was going to fatten her up _or_ make her heart explode from the caffeine or _both_ ): she and Karma were _real_. They were public. They weren't a janitor's closet secret anymore, they weren't sneaking around and catching stolen moments whenever and wherever they could.

And fuck all, but people _liked_ them. They were _popular_ and they were _known_ (and there were rumors of prom queendom) and everyone had seemingly forgotten that Karma had faked it and everyone had seemingly forgotten that Lauren dated a _cop_ and people smiled at them when they walked through the halls holding hands and people invited them to parties (they _never_ went cause, as Karma put it, "nothing good _ever_ happens at a Hester party") and the met at their lockers between classes and came and went together every day.

Except Tuesdays.

And Thursdays.

Lauren didn't get it and Karma _really_ didn't get it. She'd been terrified of 'coming out' seeing as how she'd done _that_ before ( _twice_ ) and she was sure people were going to hate her.

"They're not going to believe me," she'd said the night before their 'debut', snuggled with Lauren on her bed (Molly and Lucas just downstairs, happy but _confused_ ) and Lauren had held her tighter and not argued cause, honestly, she thought Karma was probably _right_. "They're all going to think I'm up to something… _again_ … and it's only going to be worse that it's _you_."

Lauren didn't need her to explain. It's one thing to come out in public and admit to being in a same sex relationship. It's another thing altogether to do it _after_ you faked it before.

And it's another thing (a third one?) to do it when the same in the same sex was your fake ex's _sister_.

Really, you just can't make that shit up.

But, to both their great surprises, no one cared. Everyone seemed… accepting. Accepting and then some, in most cases, and Lauren wanted both to stand up on a table at lunch and demand to know what the hell was wrong with all of them that they were so trusting _and_ to not look a gift horse in the mouth.

"I don't get it," she said to Shane cause, well, who else was she going to talk to? Amy was a no go and who did that leave? _Booker_? "Karma faked it and I've never been anything but straight and I _hated_ her and yet…"

Shane shrugged. "That's probably it," he said, his eyes tracking Amy as she slouched her way across the quad, never once looking up from the ground in front of her. "If Karma was faking it again, she sure as hell wouldn't have chosen _you_."

He had a point. Hell, if Lauren was being honest, she was still sometimes confused about _why_ Karma _had_ chosen her.

Not that she was complaining.

No, the complaining she left to Farrah.

"You?" her stepmother asked, as she stared at Karma and Lauren - _together_ \- on her couch, holding hands and smiling and sitting so… _close_ … acting for all the world like this was even remotely… _normal._ "You and…" Farrah ran a hand through her hair and started (three times) to say something but all that came out was a sort of… gurgle…

And then Amy had walked into the house, home surprisingly early from the doughnut date Shane had promised to take her on, seen… _them_ … and _her_ mother and turned on her heel and stalked right back out of the house, the door slamming behind her.

"This isn't good, is it?" Farrah asked. "This, you and…"

Gurgle.

 _Fucking_ gurgle.

 _That_ wasn't helped in the least, not even a teeny-tiny little bit, that it was only two days later when Farrah… well…

"We were fully dressed and in the _living room_ and we were just _kissing_ ," Lauren said, trying desperately to talk Karma down off the 'we're fucking _doomed_ ' ledge she'd perched herself on since the moment Farrah had come strolling into the living room and seen a bit more than any of them would have liked.

"Fully dressed, yes," Karma said. "With my hand fully _under_ the top of _your_ dress and _just_ kissing? _Just_?"

Lauren didn't say anything. She'd learned, fairly quickly, that sometimes you just had to ride 'the Karma' out.

"You were _just_ kissing _there_ ," Karma whispered (which was silly cause Amy wasn't home and Lauren was pretty sure Farrah had fled the scene of the crime too) as she waved her hand in a circle around the… _swell_ … of the not inconsiderable cleavage she was sporting in that outfit.

(It was one of Lauren's favorites.)

"Farrah already hates me for hurting Amy and now she thinks I'm corrupting you and _are you serious right -"_

One thing _Karma_ had learned, fairly quickly too, was that when it came to kissing, which was what Lauren started doing right then (on the lips) (not the cleavage) (not _yet_ ) Lauren was _always_ serious and she let Lauren push her back on the couch, _again_ , and it wasn't long before Farrah was the last thing on either of their minds.

Amy, on the other hand…

She was on both their minds. All the time. All the time, like every Tuesday and Thursday at three in the Brew-N-Chew, you know, for _example_.

Lauren had realized early on that everyone knowing about _them_ wasn't the problem. It was what _that_ meant. If everyone knew about them then…

"Everyone knows about Amy," she said to Farrah, over a cup of tea (Lauren suspected there was a little… extra… in Farrah's) as she tried to help her stepmother… understand. "They know about her heart _break_ with Karma and her break _up_ with Reagan and when they're not all staring at _us_ , they're staring at _her_ and…"

And Farrah nodded and sipped her tea (and the _extra_ ) and offered nothing in the way of help whatsoever.

But at least she didn't gurgle.

It wasn't even that everyone was staring at Amy. It was more that everyone was staring at Amy _while_ she was staring at Karma (and Lauren) (sort of) (by extension, guilt by association kinda thing.) _That_ was happening all the time, every day, every time Amy saw them and they went to the same school and had four of the same classes and walked the same halls.

She saw them _a lot_. And so she stared. _A lot_.

Right up until she stopped.

 _That_ was a Thursday, the one _before_ the first one Lauren spent in her booth. The day Amy stopped staring was also the first day she joined film club (and yes, Hester actually had a sort of normal and kinda cool and not there _just_ to give the weirdos a home, club) (who knew?), the same film club that met twice a week at the Brew-N-Chew.

Twice a week. Tuesdays and… you _know_.

That same Thursday, Lauren saw Amy out of the corner of her, a split second before - for the first time in school (well) (in school in _public_ ) - she found Karma's lips pressed against her own and it felt like the whole world stopped, like one of those scenes in the movies where everything else slows and goes quiet and there's nothing _but_ the kiss.

Except, for Lauren, there was nothing _but_ the kiss _and_ Amy. Amy taking a deep breath and looking away and then slamming her locker shut and walking off in the other direction, head held high and that was the first time Lauren had seen _that_ in weeks.

And she had no idea why the hell _that_ hurt so much. But she was _Lauren_ so, of course, she was going to find out. So, that same Tuesday, right after school _and_ after a few more kisses and a prolonged goodbye (Karma didn't know how to do any other kind) and a 'yes, I'll be at your house later', Lauren followed Amy out of the building and across the street and down the two blocks to the Brew-N-Chew and watched through the window as Amy did something Lauren wasn't sure she'd ever see her do again.

She smiled.

She smiled a lot, like non fucking stop, like a constant stream of teeth and gums and bright eyes and dimpled cheeks and Lauren should have been relieved, she should have been thrilled, she should have done a fucking dance of joy right there in the street because right _there_ , right through that big glass window was all the evidence she could need that maybe things might actually be OK again.

Yeah… she _should_ have. But she didn't. She didn't do any of that, just like she didn't _mean_ to stay, just like she didn't mean to lean against that window and watch Amy for the next hour, just like she didn't mean to show up the next Tuesday and find that booth in the far back where she could see Amy without much effort but Amy would only spot her if she was actively looking and that didn't seem… likely.

Lauren went, every Tuesday and every Thursday, and watched and saw and basked in the Amy smiles and the Amy cheer and the Amy jokes (she couldn't hear them but she knew they were jokes cause she saw the looks on the other faces and no one made _that_ face unless they'd just suffered through a Raudenfeld one liner) and tried and tried and _tried_ so hard to gather the courage to walk across the Brew-N-Chew (with a doughnut in hand, a _peace_ doughnut or maybe _two_ ) just to have the chance to talk to Amy, even if she didn't know what to say.

Which, really, wasn't true. Lauren knew exactly what to say, exactly what it was Amy wanted to hear. But since she wasn't breaking up with Karma or moving back to Dallas or _both_ , Lauren just sat and drank her (Karma's) drink and watched as Amy laughed and smiled and acted for all the world like nothing bad had ever happened to her. Those two hours every Tuesday and Thursday were Amy's happiest hours of the week.

And Lauren's too.

Lauren knew Amy didn't know she was there. She never looked behind her on the four minute walk to the Brew and she was always so engrossed in whatever it was film people talked about that she never once looked, never let her eyes drift around the shop, never even accidentally found that booth in the back. _Lauren_ knew that Amy _didn't_ know, but she let herself think of it as their time anyway, let herself sink into it and revel a little bit, let herself pretend that they were… _sisters_ … again and she never told anyone, not even Karma. It was her little secret.

Lauren should have known, she should have _remembered_.

Nothing stayed secret for long.

* * *

Shane slipped into the other side of the booth, sliding a tall plastic cup of something across the table, something that looked a lot like the drink Lauren had just finished.

"Your usual," he said and it _was_ , right down to the low fat whipped cream and the extra swirl of caramel lining the lower half of the cup. "Which is also _Karma's_ usual, right?" He waggled an eyebrow at her and leaned back in the booth. "Make you a deal. You don't ask how I know Karma's drink order and we can both pretend you're not drinking _her_ favorite so it's like she's here even when she's not, K?"

Lauren glared at him but nodded. She knew a good deal when she heard it. "Why are you here?"

Shane swirled his straw around in his own drink. It was darker and more chocolate than Lauren's ( _Karma's_.) "Isn't it obvious?" he asked. "Same reason you are."

Lauren nodded again. "So you're here to get your math homework done so later on when you're supposed to be studying quadrilaterals you can instead be studying all the different ways you can use your fingers to make Karma moan?"

Shane gagged halfway through a sip of his drink, caffeinated chocolate burning up through his nose. "That was just _mean_ ," he said, coughing into a napkin.

It was and Lauren knew it, but it was also _true_. She could never get any homework done at Karma's and she was pretty sure her GPA had dropped like half a point in the last month, not that she cared.

(She _cared_.) (But Karma.) (And moans.)

Shane wiped his lip and dropped the crumpled napkin onto the table. "You know, as much fun as I'm sure playing stalker stepsister is," he said, "you could try _talking_ to her." He nodded back in Amy's general direction. "Or, you know, keep going with the whole longing stares across the Brew-N-Chew thing. It works for you. Really."

Lauren took a long sip of her drink and glared at him over the straw. "You think I _haven't?"_ she asked. "Every day, Shane, every fucking day for a month I've _tried_." If, by trying, you mean sometimes saying something (good morning was a popular choice) or sometimes _trying_ to say something (fucking _gurgle_ ) or, more often than not, _thinking_ about saying something.

Something like 'I'm sorry' but without the 'I'll do anything to make it up to you' cause Lauren knew it was really _almost_ anything and the 'almost' was what Amy _wanted_.

"I've tried," she said. "And Karma's tried. Fuck… _Farrah's_ tried. And you know what we've gotten?"

"Not enough sleep?" Shane smiled but it was weak and pitying and Lauren hated it. "I mean, seriously, those bags under your eyes could carry groceries."

Lauren put her head in her hands and sighed. He _wasn't_ wrong. Between the nights she slept alone and the guilt kept her tossing and turning and the nights she crashed at Karma's and _she_ kept her tossing and turning (and a few other -ing's) she couldn't remember the last time she'd gotten a solid eight hours or even six.

"How is she?" Lauren asked. She watched across the table as Shane suddenly found his drink to be the most interesting thing _ever_ , twirling the straw round and round and round. "Don't play dumb, Harvey," she said. "I know she's not home half the time and I know she's crashing with you. Farrah told me _that_ much."

Shane pushed the straw away with his finger and frowned. "How do you think she is?" he asked, though with considerably less bitterness or bite than Lauren expected. "She's a wreck half the time," he said. "And she doesn't know which end is up. She doesn't want to go home in case you've got Karma over and she _wants_ to go home in case you've got Karma over."

Well that made all the Amy-fied sense in the world.

"It's the whole only way out is through _bullshit_ ," Shane said. "She thinks she won't get over it until she gets _used_ to it and maybe she's got a point…"

"I sense a but," Lauren said though she thought that might be wishful thinking.

Shane glanced over his shoulder at Amy, still sitting at her table, her laptop and a doughnut and some pink-peach-purple looking _thing_ in a cup in front of her.

"Truth?"

Lauren nodded. "Truth."

"I don't think she's as torn up as she _thinks_ she is or as she _wants_ to be," Shane sighed. "Like, I don't think she's as wrecked that you and Karma are together as she is that you all lied to her for so long." He tapped his finger against his cup, weighing how far this _truth_ should go.

"Spill," Lauren said, reading the signs.

"She knew," Shane said. "She knew about you two. She knew right from the beginning, she saw you at the party, in the bedroom upstairs."

Lauren clutched her cup and felt the world drop out from under her. She'd known. _Amy_ had _known_ and Amy had known the _whole fucking time_ and she'd… she'd…

"She let us…" Lauren let her head drop, resting it against the cool faux wood of the table. "She waited. She waited for us to tell her and we never did and oh… _fuck_... "

"Yeah," Shane said. "That was why she and Reagan broke up. Amy slipped up and said something and when Reagan realized why she'd been so off lately…"

 _She already knows._

Reagan had been right. She'd told them, told them _both_ and Lauren and Karma hadn't listened and they'd gone right on making it worse. Sure, it hadn't been for long but…

"We should have told her," Lauren said and Shane cocked his head, startled to hear that much… was that _regret_?... in her voice. The Lauren Cooper he knew didn't do regret.

Then again, the Lauren Cooper he knew didn't do _Karma_ either so it looked like all bets really were off.

"I need to talk to Karma," Lauren said, grabbing up her books and her bag and fumbling for her keys. "We need to… I don't know… we need to do… _something_." She shoved her notebook into her bag and tapped her passcode into her phone, intent on dialing Karma right then and there. "She's a planner, she can… _plan_."

Lauren froze as Shane's hand covered hers, slowly slipping the phone from between her fingers and setting it on the table. She looked up at him and yeah, that _was_ regret, right alongside a heaping helping of freak out and a dash of 'fuck fuck fuckity _fuck_ ' and a whole mess of broken.

"I think the _last_ thing any of us need right now is a Karma plan," Shane said. "Right now or, you know, _ever_." He smiled, trying to soothe Lauren's rattled nerves but that only seemed to make it worse. "Lauren," he said, as calmly as he could. "Look at her," he said. "Look at Amy."

Lauren did, she looked. She looked and she _saw_. She saw the way Amy smiled and the way she pointed at her laptop screen and the way she laughed at something the girl next to her, the one with the funky hair and the two rings in her nose, said. Lauren saw the way Amy talked, the way she _talked_ to other people, people who weren't her or Karma or Shane.

She _saw_. She saw Amy and not the Amy she'd met or the Amy she'd learned to like or even the Amy she'd come to love. This was a different Amy and Lauren didn't know if that was good different or bad different but she knew she owed it to Amy to let _her_ figure that out.

"She's… growing up," Lauren whispered. "God, that sounds so stupid. Like I'm so much more mature."

Shane laughed. "I know what you mean," he said and he really did but _that_ wasn't what he wanted Lauren to see. "But look again," he said. "Notice anything?"

Lauren looked again, watching Amy carefully. She laughed and she plunked away on the laptop and she grinned down at a text on her phone and she nodded when someone asked her something and she took a sip of her drink and typed out a text and ate a bit of doughnut and checked her phone and closed up her laptop and tapped out another text and then she stood and….

"Who?" Lauren asked, asked herself mostly. "Who is she texting? Amy doesn't… I mean she knows people but… she only has like three numbers in her phone." She looked across the table at Shane, grinning like a fool. "Truth," she said. "Truth _right now_ , motherfuc -"

"Amy's seeing someone," Shane said. "And she won't tell me who and she won't tell me _anything_ , but I know the signs."

Lauren glanced back at Amy, smiling down at her phone and _fuck all_ those _were…_ those were total _heart eyes._

"Amy's got herself a secret girlfriend," Shane said. "Any idea who?"


	23. Chapter 23

_**Sorry this took so long...**_

Lauren watched Amy from across the Brew-N-Chew and sighed.

 _This_ was not how this was supposed to go, it was supposed to be better by now. It had been almost two _months_. She wasn't supposed to _still_ be watching her sister from a distance and sneaking around, following her to coffee shops and home again, rearranging her schedule so they'd have study hall together, asking Karma to bring her home early from dates. Lauren had thought - and Shane had encouraged - that maybe Amy's mystery girl (or guy, it might be a guy, cause, you know, _mystery_ ) would have made things better.

"If she's happy maybe she won't be mad," Shane suggested one Tuesday. "Especially if she's, you know… _happy_." He wiggled his brows and Lauren rolled her eyes and turned back to keep watching Amy but, she had to admit, he might have had a point.

Not that she'd admit that to _him_.

They were sitting in that same booth at the back of the Brew-N-Chew, the same way they had been for weeks, since Shane had come by that first time. It was _their_ booth now, not just _hers_ and Lauren wasn't entirely sure how she felt about that, but since it wasn't like Karma was going to be joining her on her little Tuesday-Thursday trips any time soon, Shane would have to do and he wasn't _that_ bad.

Not that she'd admit that to him, _either_.

He watched Amy for a minute, turning sideways in the booth so he could see. "She does _seem_ happy," he said and Lauren had to agree. Amy was smiling again and not _just_ when she was with the film club. Lauren had seen her grin in the hall between first and second period just that morning and she was pretty sure Amy and Farrah had _both_ been smiling (and laughing) (and probably not _at_ her) when she came down for breakfast yesterday.

And if that - the smiling and the laughing and the happy and the _all of it_ \- stopped the moment she stepped foot in the kitchen… well… Lauren was getting used to _that_ , whether she wanted to or not.

(It was _not_.) ( _Decidedly_ not.)

But at least Amy was smiling. Lauren hadn't realized how much she would miss _that_ until it was gone. Until she (and Karma) had _made_ it go. Sometimes, not that she would tell Shane this, Lauren thought she spent as much time as she did following Amy around just for those few fleeting seconds of smile, for curved lips and shiny teeth and dancing eyes.

What the _fuck_ had falling in love _done_ to her?

"I told you they elected her club president, didn't I?" Shane asked, cutting into her thoughts, and Lauren nodded. He'd told her, he'd told her like _five_ times. "Amy running a school club," he muttered with a shake of his head. "Who'd have ever thought we'd see the day?"

Not Lauren, that's for _damn_ sure. And, more importantly, she'd never thought she'd have to hear about it from Shane. Or that _he'd_ have to hear about it from _Oliver_ (like Lauren knew who the _fuck_ he was) but _that_ was the price Shane had had to pay.

"She saw us," he'd told her a couple weeks earlier. "Amy saw us talking in the hall. Except she didn't say 'talking', she said 'whispering'." Yeah, like either of _them_ could ever _whisper_ about anything. "'Conspiring', that's what she said. She said we were 'conspiring' and it's not like she's _not_ talking to me," Shane said, "cause she _is_ , but it's… just not the same, you know?"

Yeah, Lauren _knew_. She had an _idea_. She had a painfully good idea of what _that_ was like but, unfortunately, she didn't have _any_ other ideas, like about how to make things better (short of dumping Karma) or to get Amy to talk to her again (short of dumping Karma) (or tying Amy to a chair and even _then_ …) or even how to find out who Amy was _seeing_.

"It's gotta still be a 'seeing' kinda thing," Shane insisted, which was the first time Lauren realized there was a difference. "If they were together, like _really_ dating, she wouldn't be so secret about it, she wouldn't try so hard to hide it. So it's gotta be new and it's gotta still be… fragile."

Fragile. Another word Lauren knew well.

Fragile, like her homelife what with the sister and the stepmother who went radio fucking silent every time she walked in a room. Fragile, like her GPA which - between the amount of time she spent watching ( _stalking_ ) Amy and the amount of time she spent with (and _with_ ) Karma - was slipping further and further into merely _above_ _average_ territory. Fragile, like her bank account cause she kept spending so much money on those stupid coffee drinks and fragile like her _waistline_ cause of those stupid coffee drinks (and the muffins cause you can't have one of those stupid drinks and not have a _muffin_ ) and fragile like her sanity cause she was starting, slowly, to find herself looking forward to spending time with Shane.

 _Shane_.

 _Fuck_. This needed to stop and this needed to stop like _now_.

"We need to see that phone," Shane said, nodding at Amy's ever present and ever clutched and ever stared at and smiled at - and _fuck all_ if Lauren didn't know better she'd swear Amy was 'seeing' a fucking _iPhone -_ phone. "Can't you just sneak into her room and grab it when she's in the shower or something?"

Lauren shook her head. "She locks her door now," she said and yes, that _did_ mean that sneaking in was something she'd already _tried_. _Twice_. "The only way into her room would be through the bathroom and if you think Amy's not speaking to me _now_ …"

Sneaking _in_ was right _out_ and there was no other way Lauren could get close and, even if Amy hadn't picked up on how her bestie (the one she had _left_ ) and her sister (the one she barely even _acknowledged)_ were 'conspiring', she still didn't seem to be giving Shane many chances to snag that damn phone.

"It never leaves her hand," he said, sipping slowly on his drink (which, like Lauren's, was now Karma's and that was just one more reason this _needed_ to _end_.) "And I mean like _never_ ," he said. "She came over for dinner the other night and she didn't even let go of it to eat." He glanced at Lauren for emphasis. "And we had _shrimp._ She had to eat them _one at a time_."

Maybe it was still, as Shane put it, 'seeing', but it was clearly fucking _serious_ seeing.

"What if I asked her mom?"

Lauren paused mid-sip and glared at him over her straw. "And why would _you_ have to ask _my_ stepmother?" she asked even if, deep down (and really, she didn't have to go _that_ deep) she fucking _knew_ why.

Shane frowned and mumbled something (something that sounded suspiciously like 'cause she still likes _me_ ') into his drink and then quickly changed the subject. "Did you see what Brandy was wearing today?"

Lauren rolled her eyes ( _again_ ) and shook her head - he was so fucking _transparent_ \- but yes, she had seen what Brandy was wearing. There wasn't much to it, which was why it was hard to miss and ever since Karma, Lauren had found herself… looking - at _girls_ \- a bit more than she was really comfortable with and it had been… _difficult_ , to say the least… for her to not _stare_.

And equally difficult not to wonder if she could find out where Brandy got her outfit cause as good as it looked on her? It would look even better on a certain redhead.

Or _off_ a certain redhead and now Lauren was thinking about _that,_ about how much more of Karma she was seeing with every passing day (even if it still wasn't _all_ and it still wasn't nearly _enough_ ) and she knew she was blushing - they could probably see her from space - and Shane was smirking cause he knew _and_ he knew that _she_ knew that he knew so Lauren took a long sip of her drink (cause cold) and thought of Liam (cause bonerkiller) and fiipped Shane off over her cup.

It was her turn to change the subject. "Farrah wouldn't help anyway," she said, and that was the truth. Amy was happy and that meant a lot to Farrah - more peace and less angst and fewer awkward attempts at helpful mother and daughter chats, mostly - and there was no way she would risk all that, not even for Lauren.

Maybe _especially_ not for Lauren.

And _that_ … it _hurt_. "I used to feel like… like she _was_ my mom," Lauren said. Her eyes were unfocused, staring in Amy's general direction, but she wasn't really seeing anything at all and Shane stopped smirking and listened. He'd learned ( _quickly_ ) how to pick up on the cues, how to tell the moments when the real Lauren slipped out and he'd come to find that he actually kinda liked her. "She always _loved_ Amy more," Lauren said. "But it was me she… _liked_ … and I could have gone to her for anything back then and now…"

And now.

And now Lauren loved Karma and she loved _being_ with Karma (and not just _with_ her) and now she wasn't going to give that up for anything (or _anyone)_ but that meant that _and now_ Amy wasn't speaking to her and now Farrah _was_ , but _barely_ , and now she had someone she loved but felt almost more alone than _before_ and now, as much as she _loved_ Karma, Lauren kinda _hated_ how much of her life was an 'and now…' just as much.

The moment turned awkward and weird (but sorta sweet) as Shane tried to console her, to reassure her that "She'll come around." He didn't specify which 'she' he meant (cause they knew it was Farrah, cause Amy coming around was a far less certain proposition.) "And we'll figure it out," he said, covering one of Lauren's hands with his own. "Who Amy's seeing, and how to get her to talk to you, and how to get her to forgive you _and_ Karma."

He sounded so sure, so confident, it was almost enough to make Lauren believe.

But then Amy happened to look up from her phone and she had that smile behind her eyes again and her cheeks were tinged pink and she was nibbling lightly on her bottom lip. She glanced across the way and saw Lauren, their eyes meeting and it was like the first time Amy had seen her in weeks and Lauren thought maybe Shane was right. But then she remembered that, once upon a time, not _that_ long ago, Amy would have hustled across the Brew-N-Chew and told her all about it, told her everything about who was on the other end of that text and told her every little detail about the new girl (or guy) in her life.

And _now…_

And now, Amy turned back to the guy sitting next to her. She started pointing animatedly at some flyer he was holding and Shane started talking again, discussing plans to get the phone and asking if maybe they could go to Karma for help and it was all Lauren could do to stay there, to not run, and to silently stir her drink while she watched and waited, hoping Amy would turn back around, even if only so she could see that smile for just a second more.

She didn't.


	24. Chapter 24

**_A/N: I know, I suck. Anyone still reading this?_**

Shane dropped a hand on Lauren's shoulder as he passed the table she was sharing with Karma. And _God,_ was that weird.

The Shane hand thing, not the sharing a table with Karma thing. Although, honestly, a month and half hadn't done much to make _that_ particular bit of reality any _less_ weird. But it was a weird Lauren could embrace and enjoy (much like she embraced Karma) (and enjoyed her) (enjoyed her quite thoroughly and regularly and _thank God_ Molly and Lucas kept on finding reasons to not be home.) But that Shane thing… it was weird. It wasn't much, just a small gesture, the tiniest of tinies. It was the sort of thing friends did, a gentle way to remind you

that someone's there, someone's thinking of you, someone _cares_.

So, yeah, _weird_.

Weird and wrong. If Lauren and Karma has been number one on Hester's 'frenemies who will always be 'less _fren_ and more _emies_ ' list, then she and Shane were, at worst, number two, and an argument could certainly be made for a tie. So, yeah, weird. Weird and wrong and, worst of all?

Noticeable.

Everyone saw him do it. Brandi, sitting over by the computers, like she even knew how to turn the damn things on. Vashti, chatting up the librarian like that was some sort of believable cover cause everyone knew that she was really just lurking, laying in wait for the next Tumblr worthy scene. Even Liam saw it, from over there in the corner, trying desperately to figure out how to work the pencil sharpener.

And let's not forget Karma. (Though Lauren _had_ , with increasing frequency, and that frequency meant like _right fucking now_ , but that's getting ahead of the story.)

Karma, sitting across the table, _definitely_ noticed it. She kinda couldn't miss it, even if she kinda (or more than kinda) (like _a lot_ more) wished that she could. It wasn't as if she just didn't like Shane… OK… it was _totally_ that she didn't like Shane. She didn't like him and she was pretty sure she never would, but, even more, she didn't like this connection he suddenly seemed to have with Lauren.

And she liked that that connection seemed (more than fucking _seemed_ ) to center on Amy even less.

So, Karma noticed and Karma frowned. It was the deep kind, the kind that, normally, Lauren would notice and, normally, would remind her that that sort of frown was the kind to give you early wrinkles and early lines ("frowning like that will age you like ten years in a day, baby") (and yeah, Lauren calling her 'baby' was still fucking _weird_ too) but that was all, as noted, _normally_.

And, as also noted, _this_ wasn't _normally_. No universe in which Shane Harvey and Lauren Cooper were the kind of friends who _touched_ , like even a little bit, like _at all_ , could ever be considered normal. Not in the fucking least. So, yeah, the sight of Shane's hand brushing against her girlfriend's shoulder, hell, the sight of Shane anywhere _near_ Lauren, especially

if that near seemed even more emotional and not _just_ physical, well, that made Karma feel some kind of way.

And not some kind of _good_ way. Just in case that wasn't clear, you know, from the frown and all.

Then, when she noticed that Lauren _hadn't_ noticed, that she wasn't not commenting on her wrinkly frown out of politeness or love or a deep aching need to get some later that afternoon, Karma frowned again. Deeper and harder (and yes, that's totally 'what she said' and can you seriously stop thinking about sex for like two minutes?)

(Thought the girl with a foot resting comfortably against her girlfriend's bare leg under the table.)

Karma realized, in that moment (and probably _before_ , even if she didn't _admit_ it) that Lauren's silence wasn't polite. It was _preoccupied_. It was busy elsewhere with else _who_ (and no, Karma did not give even one single tiny _fuck_ if that wasn't an actual word.) And Karma had had just about all of _that_ she could take.

She didn't need to follow Lauren's gaze to know where ( _who_ ) she was looking ( _at_ ). Karma knew that her girlfriend's eyes and mind and probably just about every other part of her (except that leg) ( _maybe_ ) were focused on that _other_ table, the one in the back, the one far enough removed that neither of them could actually _hear_ anything. But, Karma knew, that didn't matter.

What Lauren couldn't hear, she could see. She could _imagine_. And what Lauren _could_ see was Shane, settling down at that table, taking the spot just to Amy's left, the chair she had slung her backpack over, clearly marking her territory, clearly saving the spot.

That should have been Lauren's spot. Or Karma's. But Lauren wasn't thinking about _that_ , she was thinking about the sister she'd lost and not so much (like _at all_ ) the friend ( _best_ friend) that Karma had. In fact, as was becoming less and less of a momentary glitch and more and more of a _habit_ , Lauren wasn't thinking about Karma at all.

Despite Karma's best efforts.

And there were _efforts_. There was the low cut top and there was the leaning forward on the table to accentuate said top. And there was the short skirt paired with the cute pumps and there was, of course, the one pump now resting empty on the floor under the table and the one bare foot running up that one bare leg.

But, unlike Shane's hand on Lauren's shoulder, all that seemed to go… unnoticed.

Except by Liam. He couldn't stop staring. And as annoying as that was, there was a part of Karma that didn't mind.

At least _someone_ was paying attention.

She tapped her pen in a steady beat against her open notebook, the one she'd filled more with doodles and half formed song lyrics than notes on American history. But Karma was too busy for _history_ (and _God_ , how she wished for _that_ to stop being a part of everything and _everyone_ she did.) She was studying a far more complex and layered subject. She was fully enrolled in Lauren Cooper 101. And despite a pretty good understanding of the tiny blonde's history (and there it was _again_ ), Karma was fairly certain she was flunking the class.

Miserably.

There was a time, Karma knew, when _all_ Lauren wanted was to be noticed. A time when she would have _craved_ Shane's attention and all the other attentions that would have followed. If Lauren and Shane had become friends _then_ , well, then Lauren would have been popular, she'd have been the queen of all she surveyed. She and Shane would have been the most perfect (platonic) couple, the most perfect _team_.

Karma knew all that. And she understood all that. Because, once upon a time, that was _her_.

But this was once upon a much _different_ time, once upon a _now_ , a now without popularity and without power (and without Amy, the one person Karma had always expected to share that once upon with) but, in a bit of an ironic twist, Karma and Lauren both now had the one thing they thought they'd always wanted.

Attention. And a fuckload of it.

"I've heard the whispers," Karma said to Lauren one night. They were on a blanket in her backyard, staring up at a cloudless Austin sky, silently holding hands in the dark, at least until the silence had started weighing on Karma, like that sky pressing down on her and making it hard to breathe. "Everyone's talking about us, and they think we don't know it."

Lauren had squeezed her hand and scooted closer, tugging Karma's arm around her and laying her head against the other girl's chest. "They know," she said. "They always know. They'll try to deny it, they'll say they thought we couldn't hear or we were too wrapped up in each other to even care. But trust me," she said. "They know."

Karma nodded. Lauren had _forgotten_ more about how the high school gossip food chain worked than she would ever know, so she took her word for it. And now, ever since Lauren and Shane have been… whatever the hell it is that they are… since they've spent weeks glued together at the hip, trying to figure out what's up with Amy?

Those whispers have gotten louder. Loud enough to almost be shouts, loud enough so that Karma knows: no one is pretending anymore.

See, it's escaped no one's attention, except _maybe_ Amy's (and Karma isn't _sure_ about that, like at all, cause sure it isn't Amy's style to be manipulative, but _damn_ does this have 'plan' written all over it in big neon letters) that Shane is now basically splitting almost all his time between the sisters. And now people were doing less whispering and even less shouting. Now?

Now, they were _talking_.

Which, Karma had noted over and over and over again, was something she and Lauren were doing less and less of. And as much as she enjoyed the other… stuff… they did, maybe, she thought, it was time to change that. Maybe it was time for more talk and less inaction. But that meant she would have to get her girlfriend's attention.

"Are you cheating on me with Shane?"

Lauren's head whipped around so fast, Karma was shocked it didn't snap right off but, hey, that was kinda the point, right?

"Shane?" Lauren stared at her across the table and Karma tried _not_ to think of how rare _that_ had become lately, how often Lauren didn't seem to see her at all. "Did you just ask if I was cheating with _Shane_?"

It sounded ridiculous. It sounded stupid. It sounded _impossible_.

But then, so had 'Larma'. And so had Karma choosing Lauren over Amy _and_ Lauren choosing Karma over Amy and yeah, maybe that second one seemed a little less… certain… of late, but it had still _happened_.

Lauren seemed… bothered. Not so much by the question, but more by the interruption, as if talking to her girlfriend was cutting into her stalking time and well, it kinda _was_. She replied to Karma as she would to anyone else, in that… tone. Her special tone. Her _Lauren_ tone, the 'are you fucking _kidding_ me, right now, with _this_ ' tone, the one that most (read: _all_ ) people knew translated whatever she actually said into 'ooooh, I'm about to whip somebody's ass.' All of Hester, hell, the _world_ , feared that tone.

Except, apparently, Karma.

 _She_ was unimpressed and so, she didn't flinch or stammer, not she probably would have just a few months ago. That Karma, the one who _hadn't_ seen Lauren at her most vulnerable, at her most scared (and most semi-naked) would have caved in and cowered and slunk away.

 _This_ was not _that_ Karma.

 _This_ Karma met Lauren's glare with one of her own and didn't even _think_ about backing down and there was a part of Lauren that was impressed (and more than a little turned on) but _this_ , she knew was a problem. Not just _a_ problem, but _the_ problem.

The problem with love.

Love, Lauren knew, made you weak. It made smart people dumb, brave people cowards, strong people weak. It made your powers fade and it made your threats (even the ones that were only _implied_ by your tone) hollow and it rendered you totally incapable of using your wit and your words to remain in control.

And if there was one thing Lauren liked more than attention, it was control. Yet, _that_ seemed to be slipping further and further from her grasp and more and more into the hands (or feet) of her sister and her girlfriend. And _that_ , Lauren had decided somewhere between watching Shane take _her_ seat and Karma's so utterly ridiculous question, would _just not do_.

So, she did what she always did and stood her ground, doubling the fuck down on that very tone. "You do remember that Shane's _gay_ , right? And that he's _sure_ of it?" And maybe if she'd left it there... "Not everyone is as sexually confused as you were, Karma."

Once upon a time (a long time ago) when Karma still thought of herself as nothing more than half of AmyandKarma (and in a galaxy far, far away, where no one had toes) or when Lauren herself hadn't seemed a touch… confused, she might have struck a nerve with that one.

But in this time and galaxy, Karma had learned a thing or two (or, you know, a dozen), things about Lauren and things about herself and things about how to use those things she'd learned to her advantage.

Things like exactly how Lauren reacted when Karma's foot slowly traced its way up her leg. A slow trip from ankle to calf, a delicate and deliberate and so very very _painstakingly_ slow drift from calf to thigh, the fabric of the hem of Lauren's skirt brushing against her toes.

Lauren's face flushed and Karma was almost certain that she could see her girlfriend slowly slipping further down into her chair, moving closer, urging on the contact even as she held her glare.

Until it faltered. Just the tiniest bit. Just _enough_.

Point, Ashcroft.

"First of all," Karma said, leaning forward, her elbows resting atop the notebook, hands clasped together just under her breasts and why, no, she wasn't _intentionally_ pushing them upward, threatening to tumble free, nope, she wasn't doing that _at all_. "There are more ways to cheat than just sexually, and we both know it."

That foot slipped a little higher and Lauren managed a nod - there was no way she could, you know, _speak_ \- as Karma tugged her chair closer to the table, giving herself a bit more… leg room. A fact that was not lost on Lauren (or her thigh) (or her… a bit higher up thigh) and she bit down on her lip. Hard.

"Second of all," Karma said and Lauren waited for her to finish, but it turned out that 'second of all' was much less about words and much more about a slight twitch of Karma's ankle which had Lauren grabbing onto the edge of the table and simultaneously proved two things.

One: Lauren had… forgotten… underwear today. (The discovery of which meant Karma's were pretty much ruined and pointless in a matter of moments.)

Two: When it came to control? Karma had it all.

"You know," Karma said and yes, that was the very faint ring of gloating in her voice. "When I suggested you wear a skirt today, it was really just so I could stare at your legs." She smirked, flexing her toes and smiling as she felt Lauren's thighs clamp around her foot. "But I have to admit, there are other… benefits."

Benefits like her girlfriend paying attention to her. Total undivided attention and so what if it was only because Karma was giving her the one thing Shane (or Amy) (or her reconciliation with Amy fantasy) _couldn't_?

A victory, not matter how small or sexual, is still a victory.

It was taking everything Lauren had (and a bit she didn't _know_ she had) to not just give in, settle back in her chair and enjoy the ride. Sure, everyone in the library would know (one thing Lauren had learned in the last month was that Karma brought out the… _loud_ in her) but Lauren was about three seconds - and five toes - from officially being out of fucks to give about _that_.

And then Amy giggled. She was staring at her phone, like that was _new_ \- the fucking thing was a third hand at this point - and giggling.

Giggling. Like… _giggling_. Cheerful. Happy. Not sad or miserable or missing, you know, _anyone_ , in the slightest _giggles_. The sound echoed through the quiet library, earning the blonde a 'hush!' from the librarian and pulling Lauren's eyes back there like a black fucking hole sucking up everything within sight.

It wasn't noticeable, it wasn't like Lauren lept from the table and darted back there to see what the fun was about. She didn't even turn her head, it was just her eyes and just for a moment.

But that moment was _enough._

Karma sighed and let her foot drop from between Lauren's legs, finding her shoe on the floor and slipping into it. She shoved her books in her bag and pushed back from the table, noting, ironically, that _now_ she had Lauren's attention again.

"Karma -"

"You're right," Karma said, cutting her off in mid-apology (assuming Lauren's next few words were actually going to _be_ an apology) (which, as far as Karma was concerned, wasn't a safe bet at all.) "That was just silly of me, the you and Shane thing."

She glanced back once at Amy, who just happened to pick that moment to look up, their eyes meeting for the first time in forever. And for the first time in even more forever, Karma didn't want to stay there, she didn't want to let her gaze linger.

"I mean, _clearly_ ," she said, breaking eye contact with a slow shake of her head as she turned and walked away. "It's not _Shane_ I have to worry about."


	25. Chapter 25

There were things Lauren knew she was good at. School, for one. Being a daddy's girl, for another. Math and English and Biology for three _more_. And performing.

She couldn't forget performing.

No matter how hard she tried.

For Lauren, performing wasn't _just_ acting or singing or dancing - not that she didn't kick absolute _ass_ at all of those (and not that she didn't still want to know who the _fuck_ Oliver was) - but, for her, performing had long since stopped being just those moments on the stage or the dance floor, or in front of a microphone.

Performing was Lauren's day. No, not _just_ her day. It was her day _after_ day _after_ every other same motherfucking _day_. It was every single thing she did, every word she said, and every 'friendship' she made (and those were so much _more_ than air quotes.) Virtually every human interaction she ever had was a performance of one kind or another.

She memorized the lines, learned the steps, found a way to hit all the right notes. She knew what was expected and just how to deliver on all of it. On being the kind of girl - the fucking _show pony_ \- her father _wanted_ , or the evil step-sister Amy _expected_ , or the Queen Bee Hester _needed_ (Shane was an excellent Queen, but not the _right kind_ ). Lauren mastered the art of showing the world what ( _who_ ) it wanted, just the way she did in every one of those pageants, when she paraded herself across all those stages, acting for all the world like it wasn't slowly killing her, like she wasn't actively Horcruxing little bits of her soul by letting those fuckwits and asshats judge _her_.

And there was _another_ of those things she was good at: using terms like fuckwit and asshat.

"It's a skill," she told Karma once. "Do it wrong and you come off juvenile and petty like, you know… Booker."

That they were both mostly undressed - tops undone and bottoms gone and that was as much as they'd ever been at that point - and that Lauren had emphasized that name just a little more than she _had_ to did not escape Karma's attention.

And the utter lack of reaction from the redhead didn't escape _Lauren's_.

(One point for Karma.) (And yes, Lauren was totally keeping score.)

"You have to _mean_ it," she said, warming to the chance to pass on some of her insult wisdom and to having such an eager (and mostly naked) (can't forget _that_ ) pupil. "You've got to _live_ it, which I know sounds so weird, but it's true. Words are weapons."

Karma nodded, only sort of (read: _completely_ ) distracted by the way Lauren's fingers - which, apparently, had something of a mind of their own, even then - felt as they gently moved over her… um… you know…. her ' _there'…_ (and that was the only word Karma could even _think_ at that point without blushing beyond her hair.)

"And they're just like any other weapon," Lauren said, seemingly not even realizing what her touch was doing. (And it was _just_ seemingly cause she _knew_ full fucking _well_.) "It's all in how you use them." The same idea, Karma thought - in those few brief moments ( _seconds_ , really) when she _could_ think - could easily be applied to Lauren's fingers. And to her lips. And to her tongue and, oh _fuck_ , pretty much all of _her_.

(Score one for Lauren.) (Or maybe two, if Karma was _lucky_.)

(She _so_ was.)

"If," Lauren continued, "you use them wrong, you may as well have brought a squirt gun to a gangland shootout. But use them right... "

Use them right and you'd get the job _done_ and - judging from the way Karma's back arched beneath her _and_ the way her eyes screwed shut like she couldn't stand the light _and_ the way she bit down on Lauren's shoulder to keep from crying out - it was quite obvious that this was one job Lauren had definitely _completed_.

She took great pride in that, in the finishing of _something_ , anything, really. But it was a special kind of pride this time - and not _just_ because that something she finished was _Karma_ \- about a lot more than just an arching back and some screwed shut eyes and bite marks she'd wear like a fucking _medal_ for days. It wasn't all _that_.

It was after.

It was the moment Karma collapsed back onto her pillow, her eyes still closed and the skin of her chest still flush and her breath still coming in slightly labored shudders. It was the way her hand found Lauren's, the way their fingers slipped together like a key and a lock.

It was the smile that curled her girlfriend's lips as Karma pulled Lauren down to her, wrapping her up tight and mumbling something about 'payback' and 'later' and 'I' and 'you' and that four letter word in the middle and _that_ was something still so fucking new, a four letter word that wasn't meant to cut or wound or damage.

Words, she'd said, are weapons. And seeing them as anything _but_ that…

Well… that was one thing Lauren _wasn't_ quite good at yet.

Not like she was good at letting her words rip like razor blades, like Katana steel slicing through fools like they were tissue paper (cheap _Walmart_ tissue paper too, not the good stuff, like she got at Target or Costco) and oh, how she was _good_ at that. Fuck _good_ , she was _great_ , she was a fucking _ninja_. But, for all her linguistic ninjitsu skills, Lauren still wasn't all that good with _some_ words, especially not when those words were about or to or for her girlfriend _and_ weren't _dirty_ and _extra_ especially not when those words were the two (not _three_ ) she absolutely knew Karma wanted to hear.

"It's your fault, you know," Lauren said and no, those weren't those two words.

That was _five_ , can't you count?

To her credit (and Lauren's _amazement_ ) Karma didn't flinch. She didn't bat an eye or arch a brow, hell, she barely _looked_ in Lauren's direction. Instead, she leaned back on the long lounge chair on the deck of the pool, gazing up at the clear blue sky and somehow - Lauren was never quite sure _how_ \- not rolling her eyes, not even a little.

If Lauren had been her, her eyes would still be spinning.

Lauren sat in the other lounger, the one across from Karma, her legs all criss cross applesauce and even thinking _that_ just made it all more… ugh.

Seriously? Applesauce? _Sauce_? Juice or apple - make up your fucking _mind_.

"I didn't mean that," she said and that _did_ earn her an eye roll, a 'oh, you _so_ fucking _did_ and we both know it' spin and yeah, Lauren knew. She knew all too fucking well. She didn't say things she didn't mean.

Something else she was good at: being honest. Painfully, at times.

Except… well… that _wasn't_ being honest. Because Lauren knew that what she frequently called honesty, other people called being a bitch. Being mean. Being self-centered and dismissive and not giving even the single tiniest of fucks what other people thought or felt and yeah, that was _her_.

Right up until it wasn't.

"I've always been good at cutting people down," she said, turning away from Karma and staring into the depths of the pool, all the better to avoid the look of sudden surprise criss cross applesaucing its way across her girlfriend's face. "Especially," she said, "when they say something… true. Something right. You know… about _me_."

She _was_ good at _that_. It was a skill, one she'd honed from years of _having_ to. For so long, for so _very fucking long_ , Lauren had always lived with knowing that she was one careless whisper, one slipped secret, one wrong choice about who to trust from _needing_ every word to be a weapon.

"It was a shield," she said. She still wouldn't look at Karma, but she could feel the other girl's eyes burning into her and that was wonderful and painful in equal measure. "It was my armor, my protection against…"

Lauren trailed off with a slow shake of her head and a shrug of her shoulders, the 'everyone' that _should have_ ended that sentence fading into the silence between them.

She didn't want to explain and she didn't want to… _defend_ herself. She shouldn't _have_ to. So what if she used her words ( _knives_ ) and her tone (a _razor_ of sound and sarcasm and snap) and her… _herness_ … to push back against everyone, even those who hadn't once pushed _her_?

There was a look in her eyes, one Karma could see even then, even when those eyes were dancing across the water. It was a _challenge_ , a _dare_.

 _Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me I'm stupid and immature and not giving anyone a chance has always been the single biggest reason I've been so lonely and so lost and there was_ no _reason I ever should have been so afraid._

Go ahead. Tell her. We'll wait.

...

…

…

No? _Yeah._ Thought so.

Karma sat up in the chair, swinging her legs over the side, fully intent on telling Lauren just _exactly that_.

But she couldn't. Thoughts of Theo and cop cars and jail cells danced in her mind. Memories of the looks as Lauren ran from the courtyard that day, after outing herself - and who could have known that she'd end up being her own worst enemy? - and yeah, that had turned out… OK… but still…

Karma knew better than most. It's always that 'but still…' that gets you.

"From the moment I was old enough to know _anything_ ," Lauren said, "I've known that I'm not like other girls… _most_ other girls, anyway." She ran her bare foot across the cold concrete of the pool deck. "And I've known that, to most people, different _does_ mean less, no matter what my father or the counselors or the afterschool specials tried to tell me."

Karma wanted to argue. She wanted to point out to Lauren how accepting everyone had been, how - once the shock had worn off - so many of their classmates had embraced her. She so very much _wanted_ to say all that. But, for all her faults, Karma's always been smart enough to know one simple thing. Hester might be _their_ world, right now, but it's not _the_ world.

And _the_ world, maybe now more than ever, is, as Amy once said, such a bunch of dicks.

Karma wanted to say all that but she wanted even more than that _not_ to lie, so… "So you learned," she said softly, not really surprised when Lauren still didn't turn her gaze away from the pool. "You figured out that the best defense was a good _offense_."

Lauren nodded, but inside she knew that it wasn't that _simple_. A good offense, she knew, was only worth as much as your willingness to use it and to use it early and often and utterly without hesitation or mercy. She'd gotten good at that over the years, good enough that there never were any of those careless whispers or slipped secrets or wrong choices.

Except (and when had her life become filled with so many excepts?) she knew that 'never' wasn't quite true. Not anymore. Not since Theo and Amy and Shane and, God help her, _Booker_.

Not since Karma.

"I didn't mean it," Lauren said, and this was the _truth_. "I didn't mean to push you away or focus so much on Amy. I _didn't_." She looked at Karma then, hoping her girlfriend might be able to just see it in her eyes, like something out of one of those Godawful movies she liked so much. "I've just been so…"

"Broken hearted," Karma whispered and Lauren couldn't help but nod, even if that one little phrase seemed so vastly inadequate. "I get it," Karma said, "I do. I miss her too, you know. I mean she was…" She shook her head, knowing it was the worst thing to say, just about the pettiest way she could imagine putting it, but also the _truest_. "She was mine first, Lauren. And longer. And… _more_. So, believe me, I understand. But…"

"But I made my choice," Lauren said, reaching out to take Karma's hand in hers, relieved when the other girl didn't pull away. "And you made yours and Amy made hers."

It was Karma's turn to nod, and she let Lauren hold her hand, but she didn't return the gesture, not just yet. "Yeah," she said. "We all did. But lately… when you're with Shane all the time and the two of you are so obsessed with Amy's new secret girlfriend -"

Lauren's eyes widened, her last oh so carefully guarded secret suddenly spilled out for all the world to see. "You know?"

Karma shrugged. "Like I said," she mumbled softly. "She was mine _first_. Did you and Shane really think I wouldn't see the same signs? I know sometimes I can be a bit… blind… when it comes to Amy, but even I'm not _that_ oblivious."

 _That_ , Lauren knew, was a discussion for a different time.

"You didn't say anything," she said. "I figured you didn't know cause you didn't…"

"Chase after her?" Karma asked, slowly encircling two of Lauren's fingers with her own. "Throw some kind of jealous fit?" She ran her thumb across Lauren's knuckles, a silent admission that yeah, that might not be the most ridiculous thing ever suggested. "Maybe you would've liked it better if I'd sung some ridiculous song under Amy's window? Or maybe shoved some bland as white bread fuckboy at her in a clearly desperate attempt to feel like I wasn't being _replaced_?"

Lauren shook her head. "No," she said, with a soft chuckle. "But you didn't do… _anything_ or seem like you even cared. Shane and I have been wracking our brains trying to figure out who it is or where Amy could have met someone. We know _all_ the people _she_ knows."

Something flickered behind Karma's eyes, something Lauren couldn't name and maybe, she thought, that was for the best. "Sometimes," Karma said, "it's the people you think you know best that surprise you the most."

And ain't that just the motherfucking _truth_.

Karma stood from her chair and took the two quick steps to Lauren's lounger, settling down next to the other girl, their entwined hands resting in her lap. "I didn't say anything about it or try to do anything about it because it - _she_ , whoever she is - doesn't matter," She turned on the seat to face Lauren. "At least not to _me_."

Words. Fucking _weapons_.

"Karma… it's not like _that_ ," Lauren said, except ( _again_ with the fucking _except_ ) she truthfully couldn't say it _wasn't_ like that cause didn't know _what_ it _was_ like. "This is all new for me," she said. "And I don't mean being with a girl or being with you. I mean being the one who's getting pushed away, the one getting cut off. Being the one someone doesn't…"

Need. Want. Love. Worship or desire or admire or… _care_ for.

Take your fucking pick.

"I don't know why it matters," she said. "Hell, I don't even know when it started to. One day Amy was just there. The girl across the hall, the insta-step-sister, the annoying trespasser fucking up my life. And then…"

And then she'd cared. _Amy_ had cared. It wasn't sudden, it wasn't a flood, it wasn't a dramatic speech or a some ready for the movies moment with swelling music in the background and perfect soft lighting. It was _real_ and Lauren could count on one hand the number of reals she had in her life. It had been nothing but a trickle, a slow and intermittent blip-blop-bloop that had, somewhere along the way, become a steady stream that Lauren had, against her own better judgement and almost with her even knowing, gotten _used_ to it.

She'd come to like it. She'd come, she realized now, to _depend_ on it.

And _that_ was something Lauren _wasn't_ good at. Not _at all_. She was, in fact, outright fucking _bad_ at it. Almost as bad, as it turns out, as she was at _dealing_ with that - with _Amy_ \- being suddenly gone.

Or with it being all her own fault.

"It doesn't matter," Lauren said, slipping her hand free of Karma's and standing up from the lounger, not that she had anywhere to _go_ or anything to _do_. She just couldn't sit there, letting herself wallow, not for one more minute. "I told you," she said, as if _that_ would put an end to _that_. "We all made our choices."

Karma looked up at her and what she saw, it was… odd. In all the times she'd hurt Amy, all the times she'd unknowingly driven a wedge between them, Karma couldn't remember ever actually _seeing_ Amy's walls go up.

She couldn't fucking _miss_ Lauren's.

The words were on Karma's tongue - something about yes, they all had, but maybe _all_ of them _weren't_ quite as… comfortable… with those choices as they'd thought - but she didn't say them, she didn't say _anything_. If there was one thing Karma had learned from Lauren (one thing that _didn't_ involve a much greater lack of clothing) it was that she was right. Words, at least the wrong ones, the not carefully planned and well thought out ones, _were_ weapons.

And maybe, Karma thought, there'd been enough wounds for one day.

"What are _you_ doing _here_?"

Or, maybe, they were just getting started.

Karma glanced around Lauren to find an incredulous, and somewhat alarmed, Shane standing just over _there_ , a bright blue Speedo dangling from his hand, and oh, how _those_ words - Shane, Speedo, and dangling - were ones Karma hoped to never think _together_ again.

"I _live_ here, Shane," Lauren snapped, the serrated and steely edge back to her words and Karma was almost reassured by _that_ and yeah, that should have made her nervous.

Except Shane seemed to be doing - seemed to be _being_ \- that enough for all of them.

He kept glancing back over his shoulder, at the door back into the house, the one he had quite clearly _had_ to come through, which meant he'd been inside and that meant… voices. Behind him. Not hers and not Lauren's and not Shane's. Two of them. Coming from inside the house and the moment she heard them, everything started to make so much more sense to Karma.

Or, you know, not a fucking _lick_ of it, because those voices? Well… that just _couldn't be_.

Except ( _fucking except_ ) then she heard them again and couldn't be or didn't want to be or just _shouldn't_ be didn't matter - not even a teeny tiny bit - cause it was painfully clear that it _was_.

There was a sudden sinking sensation rolling through Karma's stomach, one she hadn't felt in something like _forever._ This was a very particular, very specific feel. It _wasn't_ the feeling of a betrayed and broken heart crashing down inside her, like when Liam confessed. And it _wasn't_ the rush of anger and terror she'd had when she thought she had lost Lauren.

This was _that_ night. The night of the wedding. The moment when - in one slow aching 'oh my _God_ , how did I _miss_ it' rush - the words of Amy's toast had sunk in. Karma hadn't thought anything could ever feel like that again.

One of these days, she'd get used to being wrong.

"You're supposed to be on the field trip," Shane whispered, ignoring, as Shane would, the very simple fact that so was _he_ and so was _Amy_ even though he was clearly _here_ and - judging by the laughter coming from inside the house - _she_ was too. "You're not supposed to be here," he said to Lauren before looking past her, to Karma. "And you," he said, peeking over his shoulder again in something just short of a panic. "You _shouldn't_ be here."

For once, Karma found herself in complete agreement with Shane.

She stood up from the chair, snatching up Lauren's hand, flush with a sudden desperate urge to be on that trip, to be on _any_ trip, to be anywhere but _here_. Karma tugged lightly on Lauren's hand, trying to move her. But then they all heard those voices again. Both of them. And any chance she had to make Lauren move fizzled away into the ether.

"She's here," Lauren said. "Mystery girl is here, isn't she?" She wheeled on Shane and oh, Karma had never been so glad to be _behind_ Lauren as she was in that moment. She almost pitied Shane.

If she hadn't been so distracted by that _voice_ (couldn't be) (just… _couldn't_ ) she might have even tried to save him.

" _She's_ here," Lauren said - and it was more of a snarl than a said - taking one long step toward Shane before Karma's grip on her hand slowed her progress. "She's _here_ and _you're_ here and that means that _you_ know who _she_ is."

Lauren left off the 'and you didn't fucking tell me and now I'm going to eviscerate you with your own Speedo' but, really? They all got the message. Loud and oh so fucking clear.

"I only found out about her a coup… _yesterday_ ," Shane said (like any of them believed that bit o'bullshit.) "And then Amy was all 'come on over and we can hang and skip the stupid trip and it'll be awesome, my two besties meet…"

Until the day he died, Shane was never completely sure if it was the look of sheer unmitigated rage on Lauren's face or the one of total devastation on Karma's face that made him shut up.

Or why he didn't do it sooner.

He opened his mouth (always his first _mistake_ ) to say something else, but the sound of those voices cut him of. They were louder, moving, coming closer and closer and then there was the unmistakable sound of Amy's laugh from just inside the door and _that_ sound had never once made Karma want to run and, really, it still didn't.

It made her want to fucking disappear.

If Lauren hadn't been holding so tight to her hand, Karma might well have bolted, making a mad sprinter's dash for the gate at the far end of the fence. As it was, she was desperately wishing that teleporters were real or she had a pair of ruby slippers or knew whatever the fuck spell it was that made Harry Potter vanish in a cloud of smoke. But there was no science for this, no magical spells, and she was fresh out of fancy footwear.

In short, there was nothing to save her.

And then, in _shorter_ , it was too fucking late anyway.

The door swung open and Amy stepped out onto the deck. She took two, maybe three steps, before she froze in place, her eyes locked on her sister and her best friend and Karma had to wonder, not for the first time, if, when this was all said and done, she and Amy would ever think of each other like that again.

And then she remembered what Shane had just said and realized that maybe she ought to be wondering if Amy thought of her like that _now_.

Shane looked at Amy and then back to Lauren and then back to Amy, before he slowly stepped back, edging his way closer and closer to the fence, like he was seeking any shelter he could find and, really, Karma couldn't blame him. He looked at her and mouthed a silent 'I'm sorry' but it fell on deaf ears.

It wasn't his fault, after all.

"I thought you'd be on the trip," Amy said, the sound snapping Karma's attention back around.

"We skipped," Lauren replied and this time there was no bite, no knife's edge to her voice and her words… they were _just_ words. She smiled at Amy, as real and as genuine and as hopeful as she could manage, and offered a slight shrug. "Great minds, right?"

Amy had just long enough to nod - which was just long enough for Lauren to savor the most communication they'd had in _weeks_ and just long enough for Karma to _almost_ forget what was about to come - before the door swung open behind her, bumping Amy in the back and sending her stumbling forward.

"Oh, I didn't know we were gonna have company. Cool!"

The voice was just as Karma remembered it. Excited and happy and always teetering on the edge of annoyingly chipper and cheery and oh, who the _fuck_ was she kidding? It - _she_ \- had toppled over _that_ edge for Karma a long fucking time ago. Karma's hand clamped around Lauren's but her eyes… they only saw Amy. Who, not surprisingly, was doing everything she could to look everywhere _but_ Karma's way.

"Babe," _she_ said, bumping Amy with a hip. A hip in the shortest pair of cut offs Karma had ever seen, just under the best abs she'd seen (this side of Amy's) and _of fucking course_ the years had treated her kindly, if by kindly you meant like a fucking supermodel. "Aren't you going to introduce me?"

Amy looked up and then down and then to Shane (who was intently studying the fence) and then at _her_ and then at Lauren and then, finally, at Karma.

"I didn't know," she said. "I didn't know you'd be here."

Karma could feel Shane's eyes on her and she could _see_ Lauren's looking her way, clearly realizing that she was missing… something. But not for long.

"Karma?" _she_ said. "Oh my _God_ , is that really you?"

Lauren's head swung back around, staring at the new girl and if Shane knowing who she was had been bad... "You two know each other?"

"Of _course_ , we do," _she_ said, before darting across the deck and grabbing Karma up in the most ridiculously over the top hug _ever_. "It's been so long," _she_ said. "Amy didn't mention you two still hung out."

Words. Weapons. Fucking _hell_.

Lauren cleared her throat and Karma wasn't sure if she was more annoyed at being the last to know or that _she_ was touching her girlfriend and, really, she wasn't sure she wanted to know.

"Oh, I'm sorry," _she_ said. "I get all excited and forget my manners." _She_ released Karma (who resisted, barely, the urge to shudder) and held out a hand to Lauren. "Hi, I'm Amy's girlfriend, Sabrina, and you are?"


End file.
